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The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

nautil.us

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Re: The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

#21

Post by __s »

colmvp wrote: post #14

I'm just going to preface this by saying I'm a fairly physically unattractive man (short, Asian, assymetrical face with no strong jawline). The quality of the women (based on intellect, personality, accomplishments, and appearance) who I've met in real life first before dating have been vastly superior to the women who I managed to find a date with through online dating. Besides the restrictiveness of the online dati…

Your anecdote rings with how there are many people who hold racist tendencies, but exclude their friends of said race from those tendencies. Essentially when they think 'all X' they mean 'all X besides those whom I know'

Re: The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

#22

Post by curiousdater »

curiousdater wrote: post #18

So my experience and how it feels for an average to less then average guy in looks(I'm causcasin ..5'10..170.. fit)to be on all these damn apps. Basically we all want something hot and or attractive to us. I feel for women who are less to average in looks have it better then guys. Probably sign into these apps and get bombarded by guys. I definitely date using match and plenty of fish(15 different dates a year) Tinde…

Why was this downvoted?

Re: The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

#23

Post by jessriedel »

curiousdater wrote: post #22
curiousdater wrote: post #18

So my experience and how it feels for an average to less then average guy in looks(I'm causcasin ..5'10..170.. fit)to be on all these damn apps. Basically we all want something hot and or attractive to us. I feel for women who are less to average in looks have it better then guys. Probably sign into these apps and get bombarded by guys. I definitely date using match and plenty of fish(15 different dates a year) Tinde…

Why was this downvoted?

I didn't downvote you, but I don't think your anecdotal experience advances the discussion (a criticism which applies to most of this thread).

Re: The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

#24

Post by gus_massa »

nitrogen wrote: post #7
sxg wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's Saturday afternoon in the US. Not exactly the busiest time for news. I don't know how Hacker News' ranking algorithm works, but I'd imagine it's possible to incorporate information like number of clicks in addition to upvotes and comments.

There's probably an age-of-post component as well so new content has a chance to be seen.

The main part of the order is base approximately in: votes/age^2

Some of the details are part of the secret sauce, but kens did a blackbox analysis to try to guess more details. It's an old post, so many details may have changed since it was published, but I guess the main ideas remain.

http://www.righto.com/2009/06/how-does-newsyc-ranking-work.h...

http://www.righto.com/2013/11/how-hacker-news-ranking-really...

Re: The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

#25

Post by zajd »

chinese_dan wrote: post #19
colmvp wrote: post #14

I'm just going to preface this by saying I'm a fairly physically unattractive man (short, Asian, assymetrical face with no strong jawline). The quality of the women (based on intellect, personality, accomplishments, and appearance) who I've met in real life first before dating have been vastly superior to the women who I managed to find a date with through online dating. Besides the restrictiveness of the online dati…

The other problem I've noticed is that most women don't have a problem finding a date. They can go to a bar, club, library, grocery store and men ask them out. Why do they need to go online in the first place? They are either too picky or have some other major issue. Before I was married, I found dates online all the time. 99% of the women I dated had issues or were too picky. I didn't end up finding my wife until I…

I guess that depends on your definition of too picky? If you want to have a partner that shares similar life values to you and it's not that common amongst the population near you (or willing to come up and ask you out) just rolling the dice with random people can get old real quick.

Some things are worth being picky about and just dealing with up front. If you can choose from 100 people why not eliminate the ones who don't share your religion, for example.

Re: The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

#26

Post by mancerayder »

thr328982 wrote: post #12

I think most men have opposite experience. Only a celebrity can choose from hundreds of potential mates. It is almost impossible to find a good partner for starting a family (healthy, bellow 26, no debt, family values).

Below 26 is your killer. Statistically, people marry later than before, and women are more educated (both 'than before' and 'than men'). Women have more career opportunities than before, so why would they want to marry at 26 (or sub-26, as you put it). That kills their opportunities for careers and post-collegiate education. Family values? That's one specific to your region of the country (I'm in a less pious part of the U.S., thankfully). No debt? That's a hard one given how much more 'the critical things' (health care, education, housing, not talking about computers) cost to millenials.

What you described are pre-1980 criteria in a post-2010 world.

Re: The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

#27

Post by tomcam »

jessriedel wrote: post #23
curiousdater wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why was this downvoted?

I didn't downvote you, but I don't think your anecdotal experience advances the discussion (a criticism which applies to most of this thread).

Ah, how else could one advance the discussion much without anecdotal experience with this particular topic?

Re: The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

#28

Post by imh »

susan_hall wrote: post #2

At the moment, this post has 4 upvotes and yet it is in the #7 place on the front page of Hacker News. How is that possible? 4 upvotes gets a post that high on the front page?

If it's like the comment algo, it seems to take time into account. Brand new stuff has a short boost.

Re: The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

#29

Post by aurelianito »

jessriedel wrote: post #23
curiousdater wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why was this downvoted?

I didn't downvote you, but I don't think your anecdotal experience advances the discussion (a criticism which applies to most of this thread).

I find it quite interesting to know how things work for gay men. If he does not tell me, I would not know.

Re: The Problem with Modern Romance Is Too Much Choice

#30

Post by RandyRanderson »

colmvp wrote: post #14

I'm just going to preface this by saying I'm a fairly physically unattractive man (short, Asian, assymetrical face with no strong jawline). The quality of the women (based on intellect, personality, accomplishments, and appearance) who I've met in real life first before dating have been vastly superior to the women who I managed to find a date with through online dating. Besides the restrictiveness of the online dati…

I always ask myself: can a person that looks like me, is as smart, has as much money etc... be successful in this situation?

The answer (for me) has is almost always "yes" and so the question becomes how did they do it? What failing of mine should I repair?

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