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What I Learned from a Stroke at 26: Make Time to Untangle

nytimes.com

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Re: What I Learned from a Stroke at 26: Make Time to Untangle

#51

Post by lostlogin »

tluyben2 wrote: post #17

Same experience in the early 2000s at 28; worked like a maniac in a fast growing company (co founded by myself); we had huge clients and made bucket loads of money (Deloitte fast 50 for years) but we were understaffed as our hiring did not keep up with the growth: I worked 7 days, 8 to 10 and usually more after getting home. I came in one monday went to the toilet when suddenly my arm fell down next to me, I stumbled…

Could you clarify - did you have a stroke? Your post says you were observed and no cause was found. Do you mean that no cause for the stroke was found? Or no cause for the symptoms?

Re: What I Learned from a Stroke at 26: Make Time to Untangle

#52

Post by pipio21 »

throwaway28935 wrote: post #15
verisimilidude wrote: post #5

I spent several years in my mid-twenties working like the author, pretty much non-stop. At the lowest point, I fell into a weird sleep pattern: I'd crash as soon as I got home around 6:00 in the evening, then wake up around midnight and be back at work by 1:00 am. It took an old friend's suicide to jolt me out of it. I saw a lot of my old buddies at the funeral and started reestablishing those friendships. We played…

For me it was the opposite. The whole time I was overworking I was aware and wishing I wasn't and very much imagining myself doing other things. Now I'm aware and wishing I was back to normal and working. I spent about 4 years working flat out. If I was awake I was working, trying to keep the income coming after the recession hit. Then something snapped. The now ex-wife had to unwind the things I was part way through…

You do procrastinate. What is happening is that you basically forced yourself to work when you did not want to for so long, your emotional system learned that work is pain, basically.

Think of this like a Paulov conditioning a dog to have an electric shock every time he lights a bulb. At the end the dog avoids the lightbulb at all cost, even when not lighted.

Forcing yourself to do something painful trained your brain and created a trauma with work, as simple as that. Your body wants to help you not letting you work because: 1 work is associated as painful and 2 you can avoid it on the short term, so you avoid it.

A good psychologist can help you easily solve the issue, but probably there are not good ones or are expensive for you on your current situation. A bad one could also damage you btw.

So my advice is for you start learning about psychology yourself and learn how to recover from a traumatic experience using self help info. It is not difficult, basically is facing the traumatic experience but with a good outcome or getting rid of beliefs like "work is painful" that you learned over time. And of course, making work something pleasurable or at least neutral.

Think of this as a curiosity or funny game you play, not like work to do. You could start with "Wake up productive" of Eben Pagan, "The now habit" audiobook and training to remove specific beliefs.

If you are broke you can pirate it. Then pay for it when your life is better.

Forget resolutions and to do list by now. It is making it worse as it is introducing guilt for what you should do, adding more emotional pain.

Start making your life better, independently of your job. Eat well, exercise, enjoy beautiful and cheap places, the best things in life cost nothing...if you are jobless you are lucky and could go to amazing places when people are working, specially in overworked America! Go outside, no inside, and met people.

Start being grateful and enjoying your current situation. It looks crazy but is exactly what you need. Look at it as the opportunity to learn and be a much better person in the future that what you were.

Re: What I Learned from a Stroke at 26: Make Time to Untangle

#53

Post by touchofevil »

throwaway28935 wrote: post #15
verisimilidude wrote: post #5

I spent several years in my mid-twenties working like the author, pretty much non-stop. At the lowest point, I fell into a weird sleep pattern: I'd crash as soon as I got home around 6:00 in the evening, then wake up around midnight and be back at work by 1:00 am. It took an old friend's suicide to jolt me out of it. I saw a lot of my old buddies at the funeral and started reestablishing those friendships. We played…

For me it was the opposite. The whole time I was overworking I was aware and wishing I wasn't and very much imagining myself doing other things. Now I'm aware and wishing I was back to normal and working. I spent about 4 years working flat out. If I was awake I was working, trying to keep the income coming after the recession hit. Then something snapped. The now ex-wife had to unwind the things I was part way through…

You sound depressed. Have you seen a therapist? If you haven't yet, it would probably be worth a try. Good luck.

Re: What I Learned from a Stroke at 26: Make Time to Untangle

#54

Post by tluyben2 »

lostlogin wrote: post #51
tluyben2 wrote: post #17

Same experience in the early 2000s at 28; worked like a maniac in a fast growing company (co founded by myself); we had huge clients and made bucket loads of money (Deloitte fast 50 for years) but we were understaffed as our hiring did not keep up with the growth: I worked 7 days, 8 to 10 and usually more after getting home. I came in one monday went to the toilet when suddenly my arm fell down next to me, I stumbled…

Could you clarify - did you have a stroke? Your post says you were observed and no cause was found. Do you mean that no cause for the stroke was found? Or no cause for the symptoms?

No cause for the stroke. The symptoms were clearly from a stroke (a black spot on the mri if i remember correctly). A 'youngstroke' for which they had a special team in the hospital.

Re: What I Learned from a Stroke at 26: Make Time to Untangle

#55

Post by rjtobin »

dsfyu404ed wrote: post #28

Humans don't last long at a 100% duty cycle. Anyone with half a brain knows that. Congratulations on being able to leverage your foolishness to drive traffic to your blog.

Kind of shocking lack of empathy in that last sentence. Don't get me wrong, I hate the "you shouldn't say anything offensive" brigade, but equally, no reason to be so caustic. Overwork is a big part of tech culture sadly, posts like these are helpful, even if they are only reminders of things we already know.

Re: What I Learned from a Stroke at 26: Make Time to Untangle

#56

Post by justinlardinois »

digi_owl wrote: post #9
randomacct44 wrote: post #8

What the? "When I was discharged from the hospital late the next day, the cabdriver asked me, “Where do I take you?” I couldn’t remember the name of my street. I handed him the discharge paperwork with my address on it, arrived home and slept for a long while." How does someone who just had a stroke get discharged from hospital the next day, to a taxi?

Not having the life insurance to cover a long term stay?

I think you're confusing life and medical insurance.

Re: What I Learned from a Stroke at 26: Make Time to Untangle

#57

Post by justinlardinois »

rjtobin wrote: post #55
dsfyu404ed wrote: post #28

Humans don't last long at a 100% duty cycle. Anyone with half a brain knows that. Congratulations on being able to leverage your foolishness to drive traffic to your blog.

Kind of shocking lack of empathy in that last sentence. Don't get me wrong, I hate the "you shouldn't say anything offensive" brigade, but equally, no reason to be so caustic. Overwork is a big part of tech culture sadly, posts like these are helpful, even if they are only reminders of things we already know.

Right? I don't understand how someone can read an article like this and have that reaction. An anecdote drives the point home a lot more than common sense.

Also, what's this about driving blog traffic? He didn't work himself into the ground with the intention of writing a blog post about it.

Re: What I Learned from a Stroke at 26: Make Time to Untangle

#58

Post by dspillett »

throwaway28935 wrote: post #15
verisimilidude wrote: post #5

I spent several years in my mid-twenties working like the author, pretty much non-stop. At the lowest point, I fell into a weird sleep pattern: I'd crash as soon as I got home around 6:00 in the evening, then wake up around midnight and be back at work by 1:00 am. It took an old friend's suicide to jolt me out of it. I saw a lot of my old buddies at the funeral and started reestablishing those friendships. We played…

For me it was the opposite. The whole time I was overworking I was aware and wishing I wasn't and very much imagining myself doing other things. Now I'm aware and wishing I was back to normal and working. I spent about 4 years working flat out. If I was awake I was working, trying to keep the income coming after the recession hit. Then something snapped. The now ex-wife had to unwind the things I was part way through…

That sounds like a mix of two things:

1. The working routine you build up in the elongated crunch period simply isn't compatible with not having a hard deadline or seven. I get this myself after years of burning the candle at both ends and it is taking quite some time to beat it out of myself. The problem is that my work ethic has for years been fuelled by deadline fear, and those short times when the pressure came off a little I enjoyed the opportunity to procrastinate. Somewhere along the line that became normal but flipped: I find it hard to not procrastinate until there is some deadline pressure. This makes starting new personal projects almost impossible (well, not quite, I have ideas and make notes, sometimes even get around to trying a PoC, but staring proper implementation is the difficult point).

2. Common, garden variety, depression. This is seen a lot in circumstances you describe. It can be very difficult to sort due to how much the causes and effects can vary from person to person. Don't expect doctors to be able to help long term as the problem is often not really medical, apart from extreme cases where you might be given something truly mind altering most of what a doctor will prescribe is simply intended to prop you up a bit while you work on the problem. From personal experience of a very bad year or so in my life (over 15 years ago now, heck I'm getting old!): I found talking to a councillor and select friends/family were key.

Re: What I Learned from a Stroke at 26: Make Time to Untangle

#59

Post by jdimov10 »

Don't make time to untangle. Stay untangled. Live your life. Enjoy it. Have fun. If you have any time left after that, then may be do some of that inconsequential stuff like earning money or achievements. These are nice, if you enjoy doing them, but are not important. Unlike what you've been brainwashed to believe, your life does not depend on those things. Your well-being does not depend on those things. The well-being of your family and children does not depend on those things. It's the other way around.

Re: What I Learned from a Stroke at 26: Make Time to Untangle

#60

Post by reitoei »

cesarbs wrote: post #19

I'm 28 and have severe hypochondria, so this article was a terrifying read. Having a stroke is my #1 fear. But reading it makes me feel good about having shifted my attitude to work after I got married. I don't think I'll ever be the workaholic that I was in my early 20s, because my priorities have shifted so much after getting married and I've become especially frightened of the idea of stressing myself out to the p…

> So onto my 4th brain scan in the past few years

You really, really need to talk to a different doctor.

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