1) Pick a hot new language that is just in version 1
2) Attempt to shoehorn your shitty existing project into hot new language trying to use old paradigms and bad design.
3) Complain that new language does not have all the 'features' of the old language you have been using and be super vague about how you 'really' tried to get the 'community' to help you.
4) Strawman up a "solution" that some random gave you on IRC or a forum.
5) Write post to complain about new language in order to get lots of new visitors because you know all the fan boys are using hot new language..
6) Congratulate yourself on successful troll.
Saw a bunch of these with python, perl, php, c# and node. Now they are coming out for go and rust right on schedule.