When does a daughter's duty end? • Hacker News Board

Re: When does a daughter's duty end?

#31

Post by ptaipale » Sat, Sep 10, 2016, 7:10 PM UTC

DasIch wrote: post #20

zeroer wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What exactly are you talking about? Supporting your underage children is a moral responsibility in my book. If you're talking about filial responsibility laws, then yea, you have a point; it's somewhere that I disagree with the law. But fortunately, due to federal medicare support, these laws are rarely enforced. For face-to-face meetings and everything else, shitty family members should be shunned. I wish more peopl…

I'm not entirely sure on the laws in the US but in Germany the law basically considers parents to be responsible for their children and as the parents and children get older, eventually the children become responsible for the parents. I'd imagine it's similar in other countries. A lot of the time there isn't much or any consideration given in case of abusive relationships. Even though I think we both agree on the fac…

Actually, this varies a lot depending on country, and in the US depending on state.

In European Union, different member states have different practices. Germany and South European countries have laws and strong social norms that adult children must take care (or at least pay) for caring their old parents. Northern Europe does not (Nordic countries, Netherlands, Belgium, I understand Britain as well).

According to [0], 28 U.S. states make adult children responsible for their parents if their parents can't afford to take care of themselves.

In Russia, law also requires adult children to care for their parents (this I know for a fact due to an immigration case where I helped).

In China caring for old parents is an important responsibility of children, but I do not know how that is formulated in law.

[0] http://www.elderlawanswers.com/requiring-adult-children-to-p...

Re: When does a daughter's duty end?

#32

Post by hga » Sat, Sep 10, 2016, 7:10 PM UTC

burkaman wrote: post #29

hga wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As I understand it, in the US in general (this area of law is more done at the state than Federal level), unless you take upon yourself the responsibility of taking care of one of your parents, in which case metrics of care come into play, you have absolutely no legal responsibilities to them (separated and/or divorced spouses are a whole nother and much more nasty can of worms). And those metrics of care most certai…

Virginia law is similar to the Massachusetts law in my other comment: http://law.justia.com/codes/virginia/2011/title20/chapter5/2... You don't have any choice if you are able to support your parents and they are "in necessitous circumstances". However, Virginia is very clear about excusing victims of abuse: > This section shall not apply if there is substantial evidence of desertion, neglect, abuse or willful failur…

Hmmm, and what happens if the child is living in another state? (Although in this case it's just on the other side of the Beltway in Maryland.)

My, that law is quite detailed, incorporates quite a bit more into it, and doesn't have the "through misfortune and without fault of his own" loophole.

Yuck. Is it, are any of these seriously and rigorously enforced? Or are they perhaps used for internecine fighting between siblings and/or parents?

ADDED: my home state of Missouri has not such law per ptaipale's citation (https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12470488), so that might be why I'm ignorant of the laws of the states that do so. Hmmm, what if you live in one of those no responsibility states and your parent in a responsibility state?

Re: When does a daughter's duty end?

#33

Post by lostlogin » Sat, Sep 10, 2016, 7:26 PM UTC

jkot wrote: post #24

> But five years later, after he'd isolated my mother by taking her 2,000 miles away from her friends and family > or why his one-bedroom apartment was deemed suitable for overnights with two girls, but that was the decision. He moved apartments twice more, but never anywhere more spacious, so my sister and I continued to share a bed that unfolded from the living room couch > In these close quarters, he crossed a lin…

Wow. And when she wrote to him and he partially acknowledged violence and ignored the sexual abuse? Edit: There is also the note from the court psychologist.

Re: When does a daughter's duty end?

#34

Post by lostlogin » Sat, Sep 10, 2016, 7:31 PM UTC

tptacek wrote: post #6

This woman's father abused her as a child. She has no duty to him whatsoever.

If she was truely cold she could have asked to keep him hanging on - reciprocating the cruel behaviour to a dependent.

Re: When does a daughter's duty end?

#35

Post by dsego » Sat, Sep 10, 2016, 7:31 PM UTC

lostlogin wrote: post #33

jkot wrote: post #24

> But five years later, after he'd isolated my mother by taking her 2,000 miles away from her friends and family > or why his one-bedroom apartment was deemed suitable for overnights with two girls, but that was the decision. He moved apartments twice more, but never anywhere more spacious, so my sister and I continued to share a bed that unfolded from the living room couch > In these close quarters, he crossed a lin…

Wow. And when she wrote to him and he partially acknowledged violence and ignored the sexual abuse? Edit: There is also the note from the court psychologist.

Yup, that proves it. Case closed.

Re: When does a daughter's duty end?

#36

Post by GFK_of_xmaspast » Sat, Sep 10, 2016, 7:43 PM UTC

hga wrote: post #30

burkaman wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

About half of US states have laws like this. Sometimes it's a specific financial responsibility for medical bills or burial costs, sometimes it's a more general law like this one: https://malegislature.gov/laws/generallaws/partiv/titlei/cha... This Massachusetts law does excuse children who were not "reasonably supported" by their parents when they were a minor.

Are these laws actually enforced? In addition to the one you point out, there's a host of loopholes I see in the bare bones law, "when such parent through misfortune and without fault of his own is destitute".

Yes : http://www.pacourts.us/assets/opinions/Superior/out/A36025_1...

Re: When does a daughter's duty end?

#37

Post by GFK_of_xmaspast » Sat, Sep 10, 2016, 7:47 PM UTC

jkot wrote: post #24

> But five years later, after he'd isolated my mother by taking her 2,000 miles away from her friends and family > or why his one-bedroom apartment was deemed suitable for overnights with two girls, but that was the decision. He moved apartments twice more, but never anywhere more spacious, so my sister and I continued to share a bed that unfolded from the living room couch > In these close quarters, he crossed a lin…

That's a pretty vile interpretation of the story.

Re: When does a daughter's duty end?

#38

Post by hga » Sat, Sep 10, 2016, 7:56 PM UTC

GFK_of_xmaspast wrote: post #36

hga wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are these laws actually enforced? In addition to the one you point out, there's a host of loopholes I see in the bare bones law, "when such parent through misfortune and without fault of his own is destitute".

Yes : http://www.pacourts.us/assets/opinions/Superior/out/A36025_1...

Hmmm, well, I suppose it's a pity my mother's abuses left me poor and not very able to help pay her future out-of-state medical bills....

Re: When does a daughter's duty end?

#39

Post by itsmemattchung » Sat, Sep 10, 2016, 8:22 PM UTC

Great article; her resentment and confusion, directed at her father, is something I can definitely relate to. Writing someone off, especially a manipulative parent, is difficult and not as easy as some may think.

Re: When does a daughter's duty end?

#40

Post by lostlogin » Sat, Sep 10, 2016, 8:22 PM UTC

dsego wrote: post #35

lostlogin wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Wow. And when she wrote to him and he partially acknowledged violence and ignored the sexual abuse? Edit: There is also the note from the court psychologist.

Yup, that proves it. Case closed.

I assume you're being sarcastic, why? Would you admit to violence against kids in writing if you didn't do it? There may be another side to this, but the guy didn't dispute and partially agreed that he was a violent child rapist.