When does a daughter's duty end?
elle.com
When does a daughter's duty end?
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Re: When does a daughter's duty end?
#2"No one can really come up with any stories about his life that don't make him sound like a total dick so they cut the testimonial part short" killed me.
Re: When does a daughter's duty end?
#3"No one can really come up with any stories about his life that don't make him sound like a total dick so they cut the testimonial part short" killed me.
I enjoyed this article a lot too. Another funny line:
"The summer before I turned 13, my father got pretty gnarly brain cancer and told me and my sister to fuck off, though he used the Christian phrasing. And then he survived brain cancer and lived another 19 years. So that was awkward."
And a poignant one:
"I was in utero when my mother left my father. Her one great moment of bravery was defying the Baptist church and walking out on her abusive husband with a two-year-old and a half-done bun in the oven. I think she relied so heavily on her backbone in that moment that she was never able to stand up for herself again."
Re: When does a daughter's duty end?
#4No one owes an abusive person anything. Helping them to continue evil games isn't beneficial to anyone. Family should be held to at least the same standard as friends. As far as I'm concerned, anyone playing the family card gets minus three on the dice roll.
Re: When does a daughter's duty end?
#5No one owes an abusive person anything. Helping them to continue evil games isn't beneficial to anyone. Family should be held to at least the same standard as friends. As far as I'm concerned, anyone playing the family card gets minus three on the dice roll.
Rationally I'd have to agree, but emotionally is a whole other ballpark. You have to be able to have peace with yourself, to have done at least that which you yourself think is the absolute minimum to be a "good person" and look yourself in the eye when you stand in front of the mirror. It doesn't matter what the other person did; you have to find peace both with your own actions and with what has been done to you, which is very much a personal dilemma and balancing act.
Life is hard; she probably did the best she could when dealt a less than enviable hand early in life.
Not my usual reading material, but a good read nevertheless.
Re: When does a daughter's duty end?
#6This woman's father abused her as a child. She has no duty to him whatsoever.
Re: When does a daughter's duty end?
#7No one owes an abusive person anything. Helping them to continue evil games isn't beneficial to anyone. Family should be held to at least the same standard as friends. As far as I'm concerned, anyone playing the family card gets minus three on the dice roll.
Rationally I'd have to agree, but emotionally is a whole other ballpark. You have to be able to have peace with yourself, to have done at least that which you yourself think is the absolute minimum to be a "good person" and look yourself in the eye when you stand in front of the mirror. It doesn't matter what the other person did; you have to find peace both with your own actions and with what has been done to you, w…
Your comment makes a lot of sense.
A friend of mine, now over 50, still struggles with his mother's rejection throughout his childhood. He and his siblings have confirmed stories of malice (bleeding after being beaten by his mother with a whip, euthanising a much loved pet out of spite, etc).
Despite enduring years of torment, he still seeks his mother's affection. She died a long time ago and he never came to terms with the loss or the lack of love or the malice his mother frequently demonstrated.
It leaves me with a feeling of deep sadness when I see how cruel some parents are to their own children. It also leaves me even sadder when excuses are made for some of these abusers (she must have suffered depression, poor woman).
Re: When does a daughter's duty end?
#8Man, my heart goes out to people who have suffered upbringings like the author's.
Re: When does a daughter's duty end?
#9"There was also the reckoning that comes around that age when you realize two things: one, your parents are just people, and nobody is a saint and nobody is a sinner and everybody is somewhere in between."
Wow, reading this hurts me because it makes me feel so privileged in life for having the family I had. That phrase is a terrible rationalization of her situation.
Volunteering with kids that are drugs addicts or have other addictions, troublemakers that will enter a bank or shops to rob you always find a dysfunctional family: the father alcoholic, the mother with several lovers,or with psicological problems, beating the children because they hate them and never desire to have them, the kid alone all day.
You become a parent for them because they desperately need it. Some times the only thing they need is a reference in life.
I agree a parent that does not take care of his children should not expect to be taken care of as adult, but in European countries there are laws that force you to do it, a heavy burden.
Re: When does a daughter's duty end?
#10> What exactly was my responsibility as a daughter? Is anyone so terrible that they deserve to die alone? And what would it say about me if I were willing to let that happen?
Maybe I just don't get it. The answers to these questions are obvious and straight-forward. I wouldn't think twice about my responsibility to a person who molested me, beat my mom, and then "fucked off", let alone spend 4,000 words bloviating about it.
To your kids you have a (time-limited) responsibility because you brought them into this world without their consent. Everybody else in your family who's toxic should be cut off and never thought of again. Jesus Christ, life is too short to bother.