Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Introducing “Ask a Female Engineer”

themacro.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

41–50 of 491 posts

Re: Introducing “Ask a Female Engineer”

#41

Post by MollyR »

cbcowans wrote: post #37
redDictionary wrote: post #22

I would like to ask a female engineer some things. 1) do you think there are more men in engineering exclusively as a result of men being prejudiced against women? 2) do you think your male co-workers are less qualified to be engineers because they were hired for their gender? 3) one of the engineers in this article said she felt uncomfortable being aware of being the only female. Can anyone explain what causes the d…

Thanks so much for asking. I'll add these to the questions that have been submitted for future posts!

I think you need an editor with notes about HR approved behavior too, in case some given advice is less than good.

Re: Introducing “Ask a Female Engineer”

#43

Post by wrsh07 »

houselouse wrote: post #19

> Invite women you work with for coffee No chance of this being misinterpreted. Invite women you work with for coffee and ask what they like or dislike about their day-to-day. If they mention concerns or problems they’re having, ask if there’s any way you could help make it better.

Ask everyone you work with for coffee. Please don't omit the women.

I've mentored new hires, and in that context it's easy to say, "hey can we get tea and talk about how the first few weeks have been?"

Re: Introducing “Ask a Female Engineer”

#44

Post by roflc0ptic »

houselouse wrote: post #19

> Invite women you work with for coffee No chance of this being misinterpreted. Invite women you work with for coffee and ask what they like or dislike about their day-to-day. If they mention concerns or problems they’re having, ask if there’s any way you could help make it better.

I'm reading this as sarcastic. While there's some remote chance this could be misinterpreted, there's a remote chance that talking to any woman at all at any point could be misinterpreted as prurient interest. It's sort of a boring point.

Realistically, the conversation can go something like "hey, i'm going to the break area for coffee, wanna come?" ... "So how is your work going?" ... "Huh, that sounds ... Anything I can do to help?"

If you're completely risk averse but still want to be a supportive male, you can have this entire conversation without bringing up that they're a woman.

Alternatively, If you want, you can make a passing comment, maybe with a joke, like, "Just wanted to check in because engineering can be a boys club sometimes. Want you to feel like you're in the club." Maybe you can say "It's a little dorky, but I read this interview where a female engineer suggested talking directly to women about their experiences and it seemed like a good idea. I just wanted to see how this job is treating you."

As long as you don't leer while you say any of this, everything will be fine.

Re: Introducing “Ask a Female Engineer”

#45

Post by ben_jones »

houselouse wrote: post #19

> Invite women you work with for coffee No chance of this being misinterpreted. Invite women you work with for coffee and ask what they like or dislike about their day-to-day. If they mention concerns or problems they’re having, ask if there’s any way you could help make it better.

Does phrasing exist though to keep if professional? Honest question. My best attempt would probably be:

"Hey would you like to go out for coffee professionally?"

Re: Introducing “Ask a Female Engineer”

#46

Post by bonoboTP »

rimantas wrote: post #32
MollyR wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree. This is bad advice. If the whole team is going, sure, but as a woman this sounds like the setup to a date. Really hope guys reading this article, understand a lot of women are different, and to take what they are saying with a grain of salt.

So, let's play "roles reversed" game. Or maybe not. It is sad however, that you cannot even ask another human being for a cup of coffee.

"cup of coffee" is code for date. Plausible deniability and all. There are other ways to talk that are less ambiguous.

Re: Introducing “Ask a Female Engineer”

#47

Post by skywhopper »

houselouse wrote: post #19

> Invite women you work with for coffee No chance of this being misinterpreted. Invite women you work with for coffee and ask what they like or dislike about their day-to-day. If they mention concerns or problems they’re having, ask if there’s any way you could help make it better.

I think a way this can work is to actually make it work-related. "Hey, I have this project and I'd like to get your advice." That said, don't just do this with random women in your office. It should be someone you do actually work with and know before you ask to buy them coffee.

Re: Introducing “Ask a Female Engineer”

#48

Post by 20years »

redDictionary wrote: post #22

I would like to ask a female engineer some things. 1) do you think there are more men in engineering exclusively as a result of men being prejudiced against women? 2) do you think your male co-workers are less qualified to be engineers because they were hired for their gender? 3) one of the engineers in this article said she felt uncomfortable being aware of being the only female. Can anyone explain what causes the d…

My answers as a female.

1.) Not completely. This profession isn't appealing to a lot of women for many reasons outside of it being prominently male dominated.

2.) No

3.) In my early career I was always the only female on smaller male dominated teams. New male devs that came in initially automatically assumed I was administration. It only took a few days for them to realize what I did and all had total respect after.

I personally think the heavy PR push towards women in code over the last couple of years has made it more uncomfortable for women in the profession. I for one don't want that kind of spotlight on me. I want to be judged for my capabilities not for my gender. I am also turned off by companies who heavily promote that they hire women/men equally. I want to be chosen because they think I am the best fit for the job not because they are trying to fill some more female seats.

Re: Introducing “Ask a Female Engineer”

#50

Post by bonoboTP »

wmeredith wrote: post #26

On attending a meeting as a female engineer... "I immediately figure out who is likely to hear me out based on our previous interactions. Then I’ll purposefully sit somewhere near those allies. If I’m feeling less confident when I’m speaking, I’ll look at them first. I’m less likely to even speak up in meetings where I don’t feel like I have supportive people. I don’t often feel like I’m not heard at meetings, but I…

Yeah there are lots of dominance dynamics among men. But I guess we (men) are more used to it, from growing up with it since childhood.
Post reply on HN