Researchers Confront an Epidemic of Loneliness • Hacker News Board

Re: Researchers Confront an Epidemic of Loneliness

#41

Post by whamlastxmas » Tue, Sep 06, 2016, 10:11 PM UTC

ap22213 wrote: post #14

I'm pretty lonely. After years of moving around and making lots of 'disposable friends' - mostly work friends, I eventually settled in the burbs. The conversations out here are limited to the most superficial things: kids, weather, new restaurants, landscaping companies, etc. But, since most of us came from different places, took very different paths, there's huge cultural differences to overcome. And, there's almost…

>many of us are raised to be self-reliant, independent, reserved and undaunted

I think this greatly depends on your environment. A lot of the guys I know had nothing of this in their upbringing. I think there overwhelmingly lots of guys today that are emotionally dependent on others, very outward on personal matters and opinions, and easily riled into emotion. Less than ever there's the expectation of the strong, stoic, leadership figure.

The one way I would say you're accurate is that societally and financially speaking, being a young man is harder than ever. There are no safety nets, which hasn't historically been a problem due to high labor demand that no longer exists.

Re: Researchers Confront an Epidemic of Loneliness

#42

Post by CuriouslyC » Tue, Sep 06, 2016, 10:45 PM UTC

SaasDeveloper1 wrote: post #39

CuriouslyC wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

We all need to find meaning for our existence. I'm pleased that you've found one that makes you happy. Please consider that meaning is personal, and don't proselytize your way as a privileged one that should apply to all people. Take a moment when you make statements of that sort and ask yourself what your true motivations are.

Some people are lonely and looking for help. I've been there and this decision was the best thing that ever happened to me. I've seen it work for countless others. My motivation is simply to help others.

I appreciate that you want to help other people, but when you make blanket statements like that, it implies other meanings people have found are somehow inferior.

Through Jesus you gained a feeling that you are loved, that you exist as part of something larger than yourself, and your life has purpose. Those ultimate results are what you should be trying to lead people to. There's nothing wrong with sharing how the teachings of Jesus lead you there. Think of it this way - there are many paths to a destination, which one you should take depends on where you are starting your journey.

Re: Researchers Confront an Epidemic of Loneliness

#43

Post by elementalest » Wed, Sep 07, 2016, 2:46 AM UTC

fallingfrog wrote: post #15

I have a feeling that this is all related to the entry of women into the workplace. Don't get me wrong; patriarchy is oppression and it has to go- but I think there were a lot of jobs being done by women which are now being done by nobody, and among those are the jobs of maintaining social cohesion and networking and so forth, which are a lot easier to do if you and your friends are somewhere other than at work at th…

I wonder if it is also partially due to family structure in many western societies. Around mid twenties, it is generally expected to have a job and have moved out. Many move away from family and friends due to work/university. Or just live far enough away (but in the same city) that it makes it harder to have regular contact. Combined with the later average marriage age (from low twenties 40-50 years ago, now to late twenties to early 30's), as well as overwork/poor work life balance, people don't have the time/energy or even the means to socialise as much and create meaningful connections to others.

Re: Researchers Confront an Epidemic of Loneliness

#44

Post by AstralStorm » Wed, Sep 07, 2016, 7:25 AM UTC

CuriouslyC wrote: post #18

ap22213 wrote: post #14

I'm pretty lonely. After years of moving around and making lots of 'disposable friends' - mostly work friends, I eventually settled in the burbs. The conversations out here are limited to the most superficial things: kids, weather, new restaurants, landscaping companies, etc. But, since most of us came from different places, took very different paths, there's huge cultural differences to overcome. And, there's almost…

I live a life apart and I've extremely happy. Find something besides social interactions to give your life meaning. Find small ways to be kind and compassionate in the rare interactions you do have. Do things that put you near other people, even if you don't necessarily interact. Don't think that your life is wanting because you don't socialize. If you strip away the veneers of culture, socialization is just a way to…

For most, loneliness is not a choice, so whatever you just said is meaningless and will not work. It is not identity they are looking for, but actual socialisation. Most people are hardwired that way.

Being separated sometimes gives perspective, but... How many of those men were actually happy? If it's almost a cliché.

Re: Researchers Confront an Epidemic of Loneliness

#45

Post by AstralStorm » Wed, Sep 07, 2016, 7:29 AM UTC

cLeEOGPw wrote: post #26

astazangasta wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One thing I've been thinking about is how the terms of social relation have been changing rapidly, and we don't have tools or forms for managing them any more. In order to communicate, form bonds, etc., we need common terms, things we can agree on the meaning of, and those have eroded - our moral systems have decayed as people move away from religion, our communication styles change every few years, national boundari…

Religion may play part, but one of main reasons is economic independence. If a couple of decades ago people had to cooperate to just survive, at least where I live, now many are financially independent and can survive perfectly without outside assistance. This reduces the need for social interaction and even seeking partner. Another big reason I'd say is vast availability of solitary entertainment through TV and Inte…

It only reduces one axis of need for it. The other still stands or they wouldn't feel lonely.

Welcome to being a social mammal.

Re: Researchers Confront an Epidemic of Loneliness

#46

Post by CuriouslyC » Wed, Sep 07, 2016, 1:10 PM UTC

AstralStorm wrote: post #44

CuriouslyC wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I live a life apart and I've extremely happy. Find something besides social interactions to give your life meaning. Find small ways to be kind and compassionate in the rare interactions you do have. Do things that put you near other people, even if you don't necessarily interact. Don't think that your life is wanting because you don't socialize. If you strip away the veneers of culture, socialization is just a way to…

For most, loneliness is not a choice, so whatever you just said is meaningless and will not work. It is not identity they are looking for, but actual socialisation. Most people are hardwired that way. Being separated sometimes gives perspective, but... How many of those men were actually happy? If it's almost a cliché.

Loneliness is a consequence of your beliefs. If you believe that your beliefs cannot be changed, then you certainly won't be able to change. Why you would want to stay unhappy is beyond me, though.

I can tell you from my personal experience, I was lonely in the past, I'm not lonely anymore, and if anything I've become more isolated over time. My total interaction time with other people is on the order of about 2 hours a week. I'm crazy happy, I literally love my life and am excited for every new day. The difference is in my beliefs.

Re: Researchers Confront an Epidemic of Loneliness

#47

Post by dualogy » Thu, Sep 08, 2016, 9:53 AM UTC

ap22213 wrote: post #14

I'm pretty lonely. After years of moving around and making lots of 'disposable friends' - mostly work friends, I eventually settled in the burbs. The conversations out here are limited to the most superficial things: kids, weather, new restaurants, landscaping companies, etc. But, since most of us came from different places, took very different paths, there's huge cultural differences to overcome. And, there's almost…

> But, since most of us came from different places, took very different paths, there's huge cultural differences to overcome.

See, in any other time up until say 1.5-2.5 decades ago (depending on your world location), this very fact would have been a wellspring of stimulating entertaining mildly-illuminating conversations from day to day. The prerequisite being "people feeling fundamentally / by-default at ease in something as primitively simple as just one anothers' company". I don't know why societies lose this and when. I do know that while they have it, they don't realize or notice it as anything special, that by the time it's gone, most don't remember it, and that it's quickly exhausted in the span of a decade to a generation or so. Then most of the few who have a vague awareness of "something's wrong now" quickly attribute it to "the wrath of gods" either literally or to some belief placeholder such as, chemtrails, bad nutrition, the monetary system, the consumerist society, peak fossil fuel decadence, private TV stations, video games, smartphones, their own aging, useless millenials etc and go on a crusade. Not helping in a fundamental sense.

Re: Researchers Confront an Epidemic of Loneliness

#48

Post by avisser » Thu, Sep 08, 2016, 7:04 PM UTC

dualogy wrote: post #47

ap22213 wrote: post #14

I'm pretty lonely. After years of moving around and making lots of 'disposable friends' - mostly work friends, I eventually settled in the burbs. The conversations out here are limited to the most superficial things: kids, weather, new restaurants, landscaping companies, etc. But, since most of us came from different places, took very different paths, there's huge cultural differences to overcome. And, there's almost…

> But, since most of us came from different places, took very different paths, there's huge cultural differences to overcome. See, in any other time up until say 1.5-2.5 decades ago (depending on your world location), this very fact would have been a wellspring of stimulating entertaining mildly-illuminating conversations from day to day. The prerequisite being "people feeling fundamentally / by-default at ease in so…

> The prerequisite being "people feeling fundamentally / by-default at ease in something as primitively simple as just one anothers' company". I don't know why societies lose this and when.

This really resonates with me. I've traveled to the Netherlands twice in the past 3 years, spending most of my time outside of Amsterdam. This small, homogeneous place, to me, truly feels different. And I think the default "at-ease" is a big part of it.

It didn't feel strange at all that I made 3 Facebook friends from random strangers over there.