Ask HN: Failed interview, feeling unemployable and depressed – what do I do?

It is easier if you start off with a questioning attitude. For example - in a recent interview with a CTO, I asked why their glassdoor reviews are so bad. Then mentioned that as part of MY process to find a job - if we both choose to go further, "I'll want to meet with your lead dev, marketing person, and a customer of yours". Now, you have set your expectations of them. You are putting them on notice: You care, you are experienced, you want to learn, you are ballsy (fun ballsy!).

When you find yourself "Why the fuck is this interviewer asking me the same bullshit question" or "This guy is a douche - I don't want to keep talking to him, never mind work with him" or "I don't want to waste anyone else's time...I hate their cafeteria.." Whatever. Say something simple and honest like " look, this has been informative - but I'm getting the vibe that we won't be a great fit for each other" or "I think I can help you guys out - but it seems like many challenges you face would need X or Y skill to do it really well, right?" or "I appreciate your time too much to keep going - you have a nice team but, {insert true reason here}, what do you think?".

I've had this approach turn things around where they have asked me why I want to stop the process and ask for feedback. This also makes you stand out as knowing yourself well and being able to make tough decisions. Interviewers remember how you make them feel, not the right answer to a question they already knew.

I have two suggestions:

1) Don't equate your sense of self-worth to your tech employment. This requires making friends outside of tech, and pursuing hobbies. If you need medical help, get it sooner rather than later (anxiety, depression, ADHD, etc. are a lot more common than you would think).

2) There are thousands of tech companies out there. It is BS to say smaller companies are worse than the big 4 tech companies. You seem to be someone who cares about making a meaningful contribution. I respect that and share that with you. I strive to earn my pay every day. In truth, I fail many days, and some days I feel I earned my pay 100 times over. So it evens out.

One final note ... some interviewers are assholes. They make you feel like shit. A youngin will take it, but older folks know how to spot it. My last Google interview, I had 4 interviewers who were professionals and one complete ass-hat. I considered making the HR person know about said ass-hat but decided against it. If I encounter such an ass-hat in the future, I think I will tell HR so the person's damage may be contained. For my part, I'm not interviewing at Google any more (this was my n'th interview with them and frankly, I'm tired of it even though it seems they are not).

Anyways ... be happy my friend ... life is a precious gift; tech moves constantly - it is brutal but it is fun.. check out the stories of people like John Bardeen, Robert Noyce, the Whatsapp founder, John Carmack, etc. Even the great achievers have had to go through tons of crap.

What are you arguing against, exactly? You said a bunch of absolutes.

Healthy minds never see this as an option. Suicidal thoughts are a sickness

You apparently realize they're not actually absolutes. End of thread.

But I would go as far as to say exercising one's right to choose one's death should not even be called suicide

Pedantry isn't very helpful here, nor is ex post facto modifying the definition of the words you used to match your intention. You may not think it should be called suicide, but that's not how language works. When you use the word "suicide" what matters is how others understand it, not yourself. You're not leaving comments for yourself to read, presumably.

For the "not feeling intelligent", I've had that happen to me, but this book called, Mindset the New Psychology of Success, really helped me because it teaches you that hard work, dedication and willingness to learn are what made you smart, not that you were born naturally smart.