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Why Do We Judge Parents for Putting Kids at Perceived But Unreal Risk?

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Re: Why Do We Judge Parents for Putting Kids at Perceived But Unreal Risk?

#121

Post by CodeMage »

jackcosgrove wrote: post #112
JonnieCache wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One hears of this kind of thing happening in the US all the time (obviously it is a big place.) I always wonder what proportion of it is due to genuine misplaced concern for the children, and how much of it is strife of the "they don't like the color of your house" variety. One thinks of Homeowner Associations and the way they place fines and pseudo-legal orders on people, a concept which is utterly anathema to the e…

Honestly, I think a lot of this nannying comes from middle aged people who never had children, but maybe who wanted them and could not have them. So there's an element of ignorance about how autonomous children can be, and also jealousy and revenge against those who have what they wanted and can no longer have.

Nannying is just one aspect of a more pervasive underlying cultural problem: a lot of people here seem to feel entitled to impose their opinions and judgment on others. Not just share them, but actually impose them.

Re: Why Do We Judge Parents for Putting Kids at Perceived But Unreal Risk?

#122

Post by dghughes »

I didn't read the entire article and I do not have kids but to me the world seems more hostile than when I was a kid but I guess that's expected.

People seem much more opportunistic and are proud of it when I point out it's not a compliment to be called such a thing.

Overall maturity seems really low I mean these days people act immature compared to when I was a kid. I don't think I'd see adults in their 20, 30 or 40s chasing Pokemons in the 1970s.

These days people swear every second word around kids, seniors, just in public gatherings as if it's nothing I'm sure I'll be mocked for thinking that's wrong. Then again breasts are censored on TV but not when I was a kid. Although contrasting that every now TV show didn't have "this show may have words or situations that may offend someone" warnings after commercial break.

Then you have the "everyone is a winner" or "you can do anything" drilled into kids in school I think that stunts maturity. If kids are going to be left alone they need to know sometimes they can screw up big time and it's their fault.

Re: Why Do We Judge Parents for Putting Kids at Perceived But Unreal Risk?

#123

Post by eli_gottlieb »

Domenic_S wrote: post #31
tillytal wrote: post #28

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I used to play a game as a toddler where I would climb up on the highest chair, push myself backwards off the table with a huge crash, then set the chair back up and do it all again. I'm pretty sure the only way to keep me safe in that house would've been to not have objects .

Hilarious, I totally believe it. I used to think rowdy kids were just poorly-parented but seeing the crazy stuff my son does has changed my perception greatly!

I electrocuted myself three times as a child. IIRC, that last one was even unintentional!

Re: Why Do We Judge Parents for Putting Kids at Perceived But Unreal Risk?

#124

Post by scatters »

TheSpiceIsLife wrote: post #86
gervase wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you may have misunderstood the parent; the argument is that an unattended child in the home of a drug-addicted negligent parent is at the SAME level of risk whether that parent left them alone to purchase drugs, or whether they went to work, but that observers don't rate the two situations as comparable.

Well that sounds completely unreasonable to me. Isn't it more likely that the drug-addicted parents are more likely to leave drug related paraphernalia around. I'm talking about mostly-empty baggies of cocaine, methamphetamine, weed, whatever. Needles, bongs, half empty bottles of booze. Isn't the drug-addicted parent more likely to not be aware or not care or not notice all sorts of other safety related issues. Prob…

They're the same parent. The drug-addict parent is the working-parent is the drug-addict parent. The drug-addict house is the working-parent house is the drug-addict house.

Do you still feel the child is in more danger if left unattended by the drug-addict parent leaving to buy drugs versus the working parent leaving to work? How about the drug-addict parent leaving to work versus the working parent leaving to buy drugs?

Re: Why Do We Judge Parents for Putting Kids at Perceived But Unreal Risk?

#125

Post by Nadya »

jackcosgrove wrote: post #112
JonnieCache wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One hears of this kind of thing happening in the US all the time (obviously it is a big place.) I always wonder what proportion of it is due to genuine misplaced concern for the children, and how much of it is strife of the "they don't like the color of your house" variety. One thinks of Homeowner Associations and the way they place fines and pseudo-legal orders on people, a concept which is utterly anathema to the e…

Honestly, I think a lot of this nannying comes from middle aged people who never had children, but maybe who wanted them and could not have them. So there's an element of ignorance about how autonomous children can be, and also jealousy and revenge against those who have what they wanted and can no longer have.

I personally disagree and coming entirely from my own personal experience - the nannying comes from a stereotypical, overprotective stay-at-home-parent.

It is {thing} the parent would never in a million years let their kids do (generally due to a perceived risk) and therefore other parents are actively endangering their kids if they let their kid do {thing}. Whether or not the risk exists and whether or not some small amount of risk is "better for the development of the child" (eg: independence/navigational skills developed by being able to walk to/from school unattended)

My own mother is one of those overprotective judging types. She'd never report to CPS unless it was clear-cut endangering the child (eg: physically beating them/doing hard drugs). But she still looks down on the neighbors for letting their kids play in the front lawn. The street being dangerous - kids should only play in the back yard! And only under adult supervision. My mother refuses to use a babysitter (even family) lest they let her children do something she would consider "too dangerous" or "stupid". I've gotten into a few arguments with her how I think that is doing more harm than good but they're not my kids so I don't have a say in it.

E:

And what CodeMage said. 100% agree there as well.

Re: Why Do We Judge Parents for Putting Kids at Perceived But Unreal Risk?

#126

Post by codyb »

rdtsc wrote: post #77

Even since I was 10 or so I would often come back to school on my own. Then let myself into our apartment. Eat some lunch, do homework, play until my parents came home in the evening. I was effectively often alone for about 4 or so hours. I wouldn't let my kid do it here in US. Not because I wouldn't trust them or think it is dangerous. But because I am afraid what neighbors, school, CPS would do. My co-worker let hi…

The interesting thing is that in places like the Brownsville Projects in Brooklyn, which is no where near suburban, I regularly see children playing unattended. Do I think some aspects of the parenting some of those children receive might potentially deserve some examination? Quite possibly. Is it this aspect? Not as much.

Re: Why Do We Judge Parents for Putting Kids at Perceived But Unreal Risk?

#127

Post by fweespeech »

jackcosgrove wrote: post #112
JonnieCache wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One hears of this kind of thing happening in the US all the time (obviously it is a big place.) I always wonder what proportion of it is due to genuine misplaced concern for the children, and how much of it is strife of the "they don't like the color of your house" variety. One thinks of Homeowner Associations and the way they place fines and pseudo-legal orders on people, a concept which is utterly anathema to the e…

Honestly, I think a lot of this nannying comes from middle aged people who never had children, but maybe who wanted them and could not have them. So there's an element of ignorance about how autonomous children can be, and also jealousy and revenge against those who have what they wanted and can no longer have.

> Honestly, I think a lot of this nannying comes from middle aged people who never had children, but maybe who wanted them and could not have them. So there's an element of ignorance about how autonomous children can be, and also jealousy and revenge against those who have what they wanted and can no longer have.

IRL, anecdotally, I've found the opposite to be the case. It is almost always parents who feel something is wrong with the other person's parenting style.

I've also found it depends to be a culture desire to passive aggressively impose your will/lifestyle on other people.

Re: Why Do We Judge Parents for Putting Kids at Perceived But Unreal Risk?

#128

Post by TheSpiceIsLife »

scatters wrote: post #124
TheSpiceIsLife wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well that sounds completely unreasonable to me. Isn't it more likely that the drug-addicted parents are more likely to leave drug related paraphernalia around. I'm talking about mostly-empty baggies of cocaine, methamphetamine, weed, whatever. Needles, bongs, half empty bottles of booze. Isn't the drug-addicted parent more likely to not be aware or not care or not notice all sorts of other safety related issues. Prob…

They're the same parent. The drug-addict parent is the working-parent is the drug-addict parent. The drug-addict house is the working-parent house is the drug-addict house. Do you still feel the child is in more danger if left unattended by the drug-addict parent leaving to buy drugs versus the working parent leaving to work? How about the drug-addict parent leaving to work versus the working parent leaving to buy dr…

In my experience that isn't always the case.

For those circumstances where that is the case then ok.

Re: Why Do We Judge Parents for Putting Kids at Perceived But Unreal Risk?

#129

Post by [deleted] »

scatters wrote: post #124
TheSpiceIsLife wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well that sounds completely unreasonable to me. Isn't it more likely that the drug-addicted parents are more likely to leave drug related paraphernalia around. I'm talking about mostly-empty baggies of cocaine, methamphetamine, weed, whatever. Needles, bongs, half empty bottles of booze. Isn't the drug-addicted parent more likely to not be aware or not care or not notice all sorts of other safety related issues. Prob…

They're the same parent. The drug-addict parent is the working-parent is the drug-addict parent. The drug-addict house is the working-parent house is the drug-addict house. Do you still feel the child is in more danger if left unattended by the drug-addict parent leaving to buy drugs versus the working parent leaving to work? How about the drug-addict parent leaving to work versus the working parent leaving to buy dr…

[deleted]

Re: Why Do We Judge Parents for Putting Kids at Perceived But Unreal Risk?

#130

Post by [deleted] »

scatters wrote: post #124
TheSpiceIsLife wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well that sounds completely unreasonable to me. Isn't it more likely that the drug-addicted parents are more likely to leave drug related paraphernalia around. I'm talking about mostly-empty baggies of cocaine, methamphetamine, weed, whatever. Needles, bongs, half empty bottles of booze. Isn't the drug-addicted parent more likely to not be aware or not care or not notice all sorts of other safety related issues. Prob…

They're the same parent. The drug-addict parent is the working-parent is the drug-addict parent. The drug-addict house is the working-parent house is the drug-addict house. Do you still feel the child is in more danger if left unattended by the drug-addict parent leaving to buy drugs versus the working parent leaving to work? How about the drug-addict parent leaving to work versus the working parent leaving to buy dr…

[deleted]
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