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Loneliness Is a Warning Sign to Be Social

nautil.us

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Re: Loneliness Is a Warning Sign to Be Social

#11

Post by nibs »

Swizec wrote: post #3

I miss being alone so much I could cry. It wasn't long ago that I could get up in the morning to my empty apartment, stay in my apartment all day (I worked from home), and only see people when I felt like it. Throwing massive parties for 50+ people every month or so works amazingly well for both socialization and increasing your social standing. Nowadays I work from an office with a bunch of other people around me at…

My fiance is extremely introverted. We eventually realized that she needed this "apartment to myself" feeling at least once a week in order to function in the real world and do the extrovert obligations she needed to do. So we instituted "introvert time", where I work late until around 10PM and leave our place to her for about five hours after she gets home.

This is enough for her to take the time to walk around undressed, read articles, make some food, watch junk TV and enjoy the silence before I get home. Relationship-defining quality of life improvement. I similarly enjoy working late knowing it is creating value (as opposed to feeling guilty and conflicted, which eventually becomes burnout). Highly recommend it.

Re: Loneliness Is a Warning Sign to Be Social

#12

Post by beachstartup »

nilkn wrote: post #4
wry_discontent wrote: post #2

I moved into an apartment alone about a year ago now. I absolutely delight living alone and being by myself in a way that I didn't think was possible. I was worried that I'd be lonely and miserable, but I'm not. Sometimes I want some company, but usually I'm content to spend time alone reading or coding or, hell, just thinking.

I experienced something similar. Having my own small apartment was one of the best feelings I've ever experienced in my life. I'm a bit antisocial, but not severely so. I'm more introverted than anything else, and I discovered that I'm incredibly productive when I have a space to myself that I can retire to whenever I want and over which I have complete control. All my life I struggled with issues related to introver…

having a nice studio apartment to yourself in a city of your choosing is one of the best parts of being single, if not the best part.

Re: Loneliness Is a Warning Sign to Be Social

#14

Post by whoozhat »

nibs wrote: post #11
Swizec wrote: post #3

I miss being alone so much I could cry. It wasn't long ago that I could get up in the morning to my empty apartment, stay in my apartment all day (I worked from home), and only see people when I felt like it. Throwing massive parties for 50+ people every month or so works amazingly well for both socialization and increasing your social standing. Nowadays I work from an office with a bunch of other people around me at…

My fiance is extremely introverted. We eventually realized that she needed this "apartment to myself" feeling at least once a week in order to function in the real world and do the extrovert obligations she needed to do. So we instituted "introvert time", where I work late until around 10PM and leave our place to her for about five hours after she gets home. This is enough for her to take the time to walk around undr…

curious... what are you guys gonna do when you have kids?

Re: Loneliness Is a Warning Sign to Be Social

#15

Post by 120bits »

I moved out from Bay Area, where I had tons of friends. I would go out every other night to hang out with my friends. Talk about startups and upcoming tech stuff and lots of beer off course. But then I found myself in a loop, same old routine. I decided to move some other state, where I am complete stranger. Its been 5 years since I left. Do I get lonely? Off course I do. I would be lying if I won't. But, I don't get depressed. I don't let my brain get in "trap" of convincing myself that I need 100 friends and I need to socialize more. I picked up lot of other activities. Started learning french. Playing guitar and tons of other stuff I thought I would never get time to do.

Re: Loneliness Is a Warning Sign to Be Social

#16

Post by gph »

zappo2938 wrote: post #13

I only feel lonely when I'm with people.

I know what you mean, though I wouldn't put it exactly like that. I can feel lonely when I've been by myself for a long time, but being around friends/family doesn't always seem to solve the problem for me. I guess it's not just about being around others, but actively connecting with them. That's a lot harder than it sounds, at least for me.

Re: Loneliness Is a Warning Sign to Be Social

#17

Post by new_hackers »

nibs wrote: post #11
Swizec wrote: post #3

I miss being alone so much I could cry. It wasn't long ago that I could get up in the morning to my empty apartment, stay in my apartment all day (I worked from home), and only see people when I felt like it. Throwing massive parties for 50+ people every month or so works amazingly well for both socialization and increasing your social standing. Nowadays I work from an office with a bunch of other people around me at…

My fiance is extremely introverted. We eventually realized that she needed this "apartment to myself" feeling at least once a week in order to function in the real world and do the extrovert obligations she needed to do. So we instituted "introvert time", where I work late until around 10PM and leave our place to her for about five hours after she gets home. This is enough for her to take the time to walk around undr…

I think this is the same as what most suburbanites experience. The "garage", "man-cave", "fishing" etc is not always just for the guys. It basically allows the women to have some downtime for themselves.

It took me a little while to learn in my married life that spending Saturday morning doing outside chores allowed me to have a much more satisfying Saturday night.

Re: Loneliness Is a Warning Sign to Be Social

#19

Post by duaneb »

wry_discontent wrote: post #2

I moved into an apartment alone about a year ago now. I absolutely delight living alone and being by myself in a way that I didn't think was possible. I was worried that I'd be lonely and miserable, but I'm not. Sometimes I want some company, but usually I'm content to spend time alone reading or coding or, hell, just thinking.

Living alone is very different from being lonely.

Re: Loneliness Is a Warning Sign to Be Social

#20

Post by alexmorenodev »

About living alone: There's a huge difference between being alone because you want to, and being alone by lack of choice. At first time I lived alone in my hometown it feels marvelous. I can study, work or bring anyone I want to my home without nobody pissing me off about whatever I do. Nice. But I tried the same living in São Paulo and I felt absolutely depressed. Reason? Simple: Lack of company when I want to. At my hometown I could visit my brother and my friends whenever I wanted to. I can't say the same about São Paulo (800km far away). Then I learned the lesson and share my home since then. At the moment I live with 3 people, which feels nice and balanced. My own privacity, my silence, my space, plus people to talk to when I want to.
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