Politeness + Insight + Empathy. It's easy as PIE!
That is a great acronym. I'm going to hold onto that, thanks!
What Great Listeners Actually Do
21–30 of 205 posts
Re: What Great Listeners Actually Do
#22My ex partner always said I didn't listen to her. I really want to be a better listener.
It seems to me that the key to listening is to actually be present and not half thinking about something else or what YOU want to say. Hard to do.
>> thus, if you’ve been criticized (for example) for offering solutions rather than listening,
guilty
Re: What Great Listeners Actually Do
#23Politeness + Insight + Empathy. It's easy as PIE!
But it seems PIE was a very difficult language.
Proto-Indo-European had nine noun cases, three genders, and no regular verbs at all.
Re: What Great Listeners Actually Do
#24"People’s appraisal of their listening ability is much like their assessment of their driving skills, in that the great bulk of adults think they’re above average." Well, the vast majority of people are actually above average drivers. If you got into 0 accidents over the past year, then you are doing better than average. (Similarly, most people have more legs than the average human)
Sorry, I'm a little slow today. Can you elaborate on that last statement? Are you invoking a trick meaning to the word "average"?
Re: What Great Listeners Actually Do
#25My ex partner always said I didn't listen to her. I really want to be a better listener. It seems to me that the key to listening is to actually be present and not half thinking about something else or what YOU want to say. Hard to do. >> thus, if you’ve been criticized (for example) for offering solutions rather than listening, guilty
>>> thus, if you’ve been criticized (for example) for offering solutions rather than listening,
>guilty
This is not necessarily a question of "guilty". There are two major directions a conversation can go - "sympathy" or "solution". If your partner wants one, and you give the other, you operate under wrong premises due to an unstated assumption. On both sides.
(If your "guilty" was a request for sympathy, I'm currently failing majorly. :)
You could do worse than ask people what they want out of a conversation when you start the conversation.
Re: What Great Listeners Actually Do
#26As someone who has taught and researched listening skills, I found this article very insightful. However, let me add that the simple skills they described at the beginning (not interrupting, saying "um-hum," and being able to repeat back), are still good to teach because they are better than what most people do much of the time. Here's another HN link on listening: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12228062
I despise the tactic of repeating back what other people said - it shows me that the other person isn't really dwelling on what I said, or more often in my experience, are using that to distort what I am saying in order to fit a particular agenda. I rather someone not fake listening in that case and wasting everyone's time.
I do the repeating thing when I'm in danger of zoning out. I repeat their words, and then try to rephrase it. It signals to the other person to give me a second or two to come back into the conversation.
Re: What Great Listeners Actually Do
#27As someone who has taught and researched listening skills, I found this article very insightful. However, let me add that the simple skills they described at the beginning (not interrupting, saying "um-hum," and being able to repeat back), are still good to teach because they are better than what most people do much of the time. Here's another HN link on listening: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=12228062
I despise the tactic of repeating back what other people said - it shows me that the other person isn't really dwelling on what I said, or more often in my experience, are using that to distort what I am saying in order to fit a particular agenda. I rather someone not fake listening in that case and wasting everyone's time.
Either you frequently deal with very not nice people, or you for some reason have negative assumptions about those around you. I'd like to assure you that there are many people out there who use repeating back what other people say (a critical component of active listening) to sincerely verify whether they've understood someone correctly, as well as validate the idea that they are indeed listening.
Re: What Great Listeners Actually Do
#28This is why I come to HN..to find articles like this. This defies what you learn at school, because I have been taught numerous times, to nod and stfu when you're holding a convo. Always interrupt if you have something constructive to say in a casual/business conversation (unless you're in a debate), that's how you gain trust and credibility.
This depends on the person talking. In work situations I have dealt with some (rare) people who will just talk over you if you try to politely insert a suggestion or a question. Very occasionally, the right response is to interrupt them impolitely . Much more often the best thing is to let them finish. It's an almost passive-aggressive solution, but sometimes it's the best you can do.
Of course, too much of anything is bad. At the end of the day to be a good listener, you need to listen.
Re: What Great Listeners Actually Do
#29"People’s appraisal of their listening ability is much like their assessment of their driving skills, in that the great bulk of adults think they’re above average." Well, the vast majority of people are actually above average drivers. If you got into 0 accidents over the past year, then you are doing better than average. (Similarly, most people have more legs than the average human)
Sorry, I'm a little slow today. Can you elaborate on that last statement? Are you invoking a trick meaning to the word "average"?
The average number of legs per human, worldwide, is slightly under 2. However, the vast majority of people have 2 legs.
Re: What Great Listeners Actually Do
#30"People’s appraisal of their listening ability is much like their assessment of their driving skills, in that the great bulk of adults think they’re above average." Well, the vast majority of people are actually above average drivers. If you got into 0 accidents over the past year, then you are doing better than average. (Similarly, most people have more legs than the average human)
Sorry, I'm a little slow today. Can you elaborate on that last statement? Are you invoking a trick meaning to the word "average"?
Since some people have one leg, and some have none, but nobody has three legs, the average number of legs is slightly less than two.