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How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

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Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#21

Post by zhemao »

kayman wrote: post #11
pikachu_is_cool wrote: post #3

I sometimes wonder how much my life would be different if I never got into this. Programming is such a big part of my life now. I frequently consider how much of my brain power goes to programming; and I have to say it's about 20%. If there were five of me, one of them would basically be a computer. I wonder what that fifth of my brain would have been thinking about for the past 10 years, if not programming. Maybe it…

In what other field do you have so much control and freedom to create? No matter how much someone directs you on how to program something, you always have that little bit of wiggle room to add your own creativity to it. Programming is like art. The coding is the medium. The thoughts and solutions, when it all works together, just feels right. My job when it goes into stuff other than programming, I find myself coding…

A lot of fields offer those things, they just don't also offer high pay.

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#22

Post by jdminhbg »

> Talk About Your Work

I strongly disagree with this one, although I'm not sure if my reasoning is broadly or only personally applicable. The last thing I want to do at the end of a long day of work is recap what I did. Even in the best-case scenario of a day full of victories, it's just exhausting to try to relive all of them with the added burden of explaining the decade-plus knowledge base you'd need to understand why Problem X was so hard to solve. I'm much happier with a base of other interests to talk about after work with a non-programmer instead.

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#23

Post by khedoros »

jdminhbg wrote: post #22

> Talk About Your Work I strongly disagree with this one, although I'm not sure if my reasoning is broadly or only personally applicable. The last thing I want to do at the end of a long day of work is recap what I did. Even in the best-case scenario of a day full of victories, it's just exhausting to try to relive all of them with the added burden of explaining the decade-plus knowledge base you'd need to understand…

I know that my wife appreciates hearing some about how my day went. I don't go into any really deep detail, but talking about how hard a problem was and how good it feel to solve it, or venting about something stupid that a coworker did are things I've come to enjoy.

The technical details and why it was hard to solve aren't the parts that matter.

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#24

Post by pikachu_is_cool »

Trundle wrote: post #19
pikachu_is_cool wrote: post #3

I sometimes wonder how much my life would be different if I never got into this. Programming is such a big part of my life now. I frequently consider how much of my brain power goes to programming; and I have to say it's about 20%. If there were five of me, one of them would basically be a computer. I wonder what that fifth of my brain would have been thinking about for the past 10 years, if not programming. Maybe it…

Listening to the little nagging voice of career sensibility stops being a good idea if you're not going to then turn that quality salary and employment security in to a base for a fun life. If not programming, that 20% of your brain would have been thinking about whatever else it is you did for a job.

I think it would be a lot less than 20%. It's so much easier to context switch into and out of the "work" mindset in other fields.

By default, this "computer brain" of mine is carried with me when I leave work. I have to make a concentrated effort to context switch back into "real life" mode (similarly how I have to context switch into "computer" mode). I think that's why so many of the good programmers are a little weird and introverted, because they don't bother to context switch back.

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#25

Post by pikachu_is_cool »

mratzloff wrote: post #14
pikachu_is_cool wrote: post #3

I sometimes wonder how much my life would be different if I never got into this. Programming is such a big part of my life now. I frequently consider how much of my brain power goes to programming; and I have to say it's about 20%. If there were five of me, one of them would basically be a computer. I wonder what that fifth of my brain would have been thinking about for the past 10 years, if not programming. Maybe it…

At this point, the only "hobby" I have is programming. I don't even know what else I like anymore. Well, that's on you, but the good news is that you can change that as soon as you want. Why not start today?

I've been trying for the past 6 months, but I keep coming back to programming. Old habits die hard.

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#26

Post by asadlionpk »

jdminhbg wrote: post #22

> Talk About Your Work I strongly disagree with this one, although I'm not sure if my reasoning is broadly or only personally applicable. The last thing I want to do at the end of a long day of work is recap what I did. Even in the best-case scenario of a day full of victories, it's just exhausting to try to relive all of them with the added burden of explaining the decade-plus knowledge base you'd need to understand…

I understand your frustration but I disagree. You should try explaining your work to a non-programmer. It's a challenge to 'dumb it down' and you only succeed if you truly understand your work. Sometimes the non-programmer is successful in suggesting a very possible solution which turns out to be a fun conversation.

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#27

Post by jdminhbg »

khedoros wrote: post #23
jdminhbg wrote: post #22

> Talk About Your Work I strongly disagree with this one, although I'm not sure if my reasoning is broadly or only personally applicable. The last thing I want to do at the end of a long day of work is recap what I did. Even in the best-case scenario of a day full of victories, it's just exhausting to try to relive all of them with the added burden of explaining the decade-plus knowledge base you'd need to understand…

I know that my wife appreciates hearing some about how my day went. I don't go into any really deep detail, but talking about how hard a problem was and how good it feel to solve it, or venting about something stupid that a coworker did are things I've come to enjoy. The technical details and why it was hard to solve aren't the parts that matter.

> I know that my wife appreciates hearing some about how my day went.

I believe that. My girlfriend really pushes me occasionally about my day, and I think it's because she knows that talking about her day really helps her. I'm happy to listen for her, but I've just come to the conclusion that trying to recap things I've done makes me more stressed out, and the fifteen seconds of "no, I really don't want to talk about it" is worth it.

And for what it's worth, having read back over that, I am not in a high-pressure job. I consult about thirty hours a week or so.

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#28

Post by pikachu_is_cool »

skeletonjelly wrote: post #20
Kiro wrote: post #18

> Relationships are a key part of being happy Is this really true for everyone? I sacrificed my relationship because I prioritize my projects and I've never been happier. I can't imagine getting into another since it would mean compromises I'm not willing to make.

Probably an implied "good" modifier in there. Good relationships are a key part of being happy. Bad relationships...not so much

Ah... HN. Such a magical land, where people call adjectives modifiers.

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#29

Post by nitrogen »

pikachu_is_cool wrote: post #28
skeletonjelly wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Probably an implied "good" modifier in there. Good relationships are a key part of being happy. Bad relationships...not so much

Ah... HN. Such a magical land, where people call adjectives modifiers.

What else would you call them? Adjectives modify nouns, adverbs modify verbs.

Re: How to Have Healthy Relationships as a Developer

#30

Post by fatman13gg »

asadlionpk wrote: post #26
jdminhbg wrote: post #22

> Talk About Your Work I strongly disagree with this one, although I'm not sure if my reasoning is broadly or only personally applicable. The last thing I want to do at the end of a long day of work is recap what I did. Even in the best-case scenario of a day full of victories, it's just exhausting to try to relive all of them with the added burden of explaining the decade-plus knowledge base you'd need to understand…

I understand your frustration but I disagree. You should try explaining your work to a non-programmer. It's a challenge to 'dumb it down' and you only succeed if you truly understand your work. Sometimes the non-programmer is successful in suggesting a very possible solution which turns out to be a fun conversation.

Like Feynman said in this video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMFPe-DwULM, when trying to explain how magnate works to the reporter.

I think it's hard for someone else to actually understand the problem when you two are not in the same knowledge framework. Cause then she/he will be perpetually asking the why and how question and being not satisfied.

edited.

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