It isn't just facebook feeds. Google's automatic per user tailoring of search results, & even Google being the primary search provider, furthers this echo chamber concept (as an aside, I remember when we were all referring to this as the hivemind instead of an echo chamber..)
How to listen when you disagree
101–110 of 192 posts
Re: How to listen when you disagree
#102I love the sentiment that the author was trying to convey. The example that was provided was beautiful. It is really important to realize that usually it does not work out as beautifully as was presented in this particular example. My experience in active listening is that perhaps 1 out of 20 times do you get a good outcome as was the case in this example. Generally, the person will simply yell things at you about th…
I also found it interesting that this article is hugely concerned with making someone feel loved for expressing a desire to literally have everybody killed who had an abortion. I think at some point, the severity of an ideology has to outweigh the desire to accept a person as who they are.
We have been somewhat culturally conditioned by the common tropes of storytelling that biography excuses, and in fact makes acceptable, any ideology. We are expected to love characters who are even downright evil, just because they suffered a personal loss. In other cases, we're expected to grant special allowances to people just because they are very offended.
A bad idea is a bad idea. Making it immune to criticism on account of the personal circumstances of the person expressing that idea is a really destructive mechanism, especially when that idea affects other people.
Re: How to listen when you disagree
#103I love the sentiment that the author was trying to convey. The example that was provided was beautiful. It is really important to realize that usually it does not work out as beautifully as was presented in this particular example. My experience in active listening is that perhaps 1 out of 20 times do you get a good outcome as was the case in this example. Generally, the person will simply yell things at you about th…
If you keep your mouth shut most of the time, and listen, as the article suggests... you'd have better outcomes. Although you may have to redefine "good outcome"... if you're hoping that by listening more you'll be more effective at persuasion, that's missing the point (but true).
Yes, not saying anything is the key for sure. In my case a good outcome was just having my sister not hate me. So, you are right, it worked in that case. But it was hard. I probably have more to learn.
Re: How to listen when you disagree
#104"Hear the Biography, not the ideology" This is just another way of attacking someone else's position, with the added bonus of letting you be intolerably smug while you do it. You're not communicating in good faith unless you're willing to concede the possibility that the other person is actually right about something. At the very least you need to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. This, on the othe…
* At the very least you need to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.*
We were all taught Debate ("Trying to prove your point") instead of being taught to Dialectic ("the art of investigating or discussing the truth of opinions.").
I have many conversations about Religion and Theology and as soon as I detect the other party is dead set on proving their ideas correct instead trying to find the truth, I understand immediately we won't get anywhere.
Re: How to listen when you disagree
#105Great read. Reminds me of a book I read recently, Difficult Conversations, where my key takeaway was to do everything I can to understand the other person, and make sure they understand me. Then we can work together towards a resolution. The authors uses the term "Learning conversation" which I really liked. To highlight that you're there to first and foremost, understand them, before judging or criticizing or whatev…
Thank you for your contribution to the thread. I will look into acquiring the book.
Re: How to listen when you disagree
#106There's an important distinction to be made between disagreement on the facts and disagreement on their implications. I find that the best conversations can be had by figuring out which points of disagreement are on questions of fact and then asking "how do you know X?". Repeat respectfully as necessary. Peter Boghossian calls this technique "street epistemology".
Excellent point!
Re: How to listen when you disagree
#107Fantastic essay. Listening in this way is an important part of Nonviolent Communication[1], which I'd highly recommend as further reading if this resonated with you. [1]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication
Awesome!
Re: How to listen when you disagree
#108Fantastic essay. Listening in this way is an important part of Nonviolent Communication[1], which I'd highly recommend as further reading if this resonated with you. [1]: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication
I've recently started reading Nonviolent Communication[1]. I am in awe of some of the examples in the book. It must take years of practice to be such an effective communicator. 1. https://www.amazon.com/Nonviolent-Communication-Language-Lif...
Thank you for sharing the book, looks really interesting!
Re: How to listen when you disagree
#109"Hear the Biography, not the ideology" This is just another way of attacking someone else's position, with the added bonus of letting you be intolerably smug while you do it. You're not communicating in good faith unless you're willing to concede the possibility that the other person is actually right about something. At the very least you need to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. This, on the othe…
I think you may have read into this too far and/or protected a bit much onto it. How do you figure the OP is helping you attack an opposing position?
The point parent is making is that the one's own stubbornness (that they are indeed correct) forces them to skip a step -- is what they are saying true and/or what is their logical positioning?
Instead, OP says "first find out how they got to that position in life" which you gotta understand does come across pretty smug since it implies superiority of opinion/belief and degenerates the disagreer as if they are merely using emotion in their logic.
I think ideally you first want to let the battle of logic fly then get into biography details if it's a very sharp disagreement. It may be worthwhile for both sides to hear each other's upbringing and catalyst -- though you might not take the other's lens as your own, it nevertheless will add a little wisdom
Re: How to listen when you disagree
#110"Hear the Biography, not the ideology" This is just another way of attacking someone else's position, with the added bonus of letting you be intolerably smug while you do it. You're not communicating in good faith unless you're willing to concede the possibility that the other person is actually right about something. At the very least you need to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. This, on the othe…
Everyone's position on anything is influenced by their background, including your own. In order to understand a point of view, it is useful to know where it comes from.
It can help you knock that view down, perhaps, but it can also help you to come to that same view yourself, or recognise its value.