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How to listen when you disagree

urbanconfessional.org

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Re: How to listen when you disagree

#21

Post by swsieber »

zzalpha wrote: post #5

Eh, perhaps I'm cynical, but listening to someone, and coming to understanding regarding how they might have developed there beliefs, sounds nice, and it's very compassionate, but I question if it's actually a step toward compromise, or simply understanding. After all, for an increasing number of issues, in the end, the beliefs themselves are so polarized they leave no room for compromise. To this woman, it doesn't m…

I think it's hard to compromise when emotions are still in the way. Listening gets to the root of the why. I see it as opening the door.

Will it always work? No. But I think it gets you closer.

Re: How to listen when you disagree

#22

Post by zzalpha »

whiddershins wrote: post #12
zzalpha wrote: post #5

Eh, perhaps I'm cynical, but listening to someone, and coming to understanding regarding how they might have developed there beliefs, sounds nice, and it's very compassionate, but I question if it's actually a step toward compromise, or simply understanding. After all, for an increasing number of issues, in the end, the beliefs themselves are so polarized they leave no room for compromise. To this woman, it doesn't m…

It was hard for me to resist the urge to downvote this comment. Yes, everything you are saying has merit, but overall I completely disagree with the main thrust of your point. If listening and understanding other people isn't the first step to working through these problems, nothing is. And I am unwilling to just call the problems unfixable, throw my hands up, and resign myself to a world full of such misunderstandin…

If listening and understanding other people isn't the first step to working through these problems, nothing is.

So I'll make a counter-point: let's say we're back in the old slavery days. I'm sure Abe did his fair share of listening and talking with folks from the South.

But eventually, there just ain't no compromising and something had to be done.

And so it was done.

Ultimately, I think, for some issues, there is simply no room for compromise. At that point, it's simply a question of who has the power to push their agenda. That or there's gridlock and nothing happens at all (see: climate change).

Now, on a one-on-one basis, I think this post is full of excellent lessons. Active listening, empathic connection, these are great tools when dealing with individuals, whether that be in a personal or professional setting.

But in the large? To me, history demonstrates that it's simply idealism to believe that people can, in aggregate, come together on complex, polarizing issues.

Re: How to listen when you disagree

#23

Post by noobiemcfoob »

zzalpha wrote: post #8
throwanem wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So hey, why bother trying, right?

Or you could provide a counter-argument so we can have a discussion. Kinda making my point for me. :)

"so why bother trying, right?" is a valid critique of your argument.

More verbosely, your complaints are correct and fair, but they aren't altogether a rejection of attempting to find compromise.

Re: How to listen when you disagree

#24

Post by wrsh07 »

ploxiln wrote: post #17

So you're saying, basically, we should "put words in their mouth".

You might be making a joke about active listening, but it's actually really effective. Try it out next time you disagree with someone -- it is a good tool to prevent you from talking over or past someone.

Re: How to listen when you disagree

#25

Post by Artlav »

zzalpha wrote: post #5

Eh, perhaps I'm cynical, but listening to someone, and coming to understanding regarding how they might have developed there beliefs, sounds nice, and it's very compassionate, but I question if it's actually a step toward compromise, or simply understanding. After all, for an increasing number of issues, in the end, the beliefs themselves are so polarized they leave no room for compromise. To this woman, it doesn't m…

Hm? Understanding is important. It opens up possibilities for change and/or improvements.

You might call someone who deny evolution a thickhead or a zealot, ignore, and that's the end of it. Or you can try to ask "why do you think so", and turns out they only heard about evolution from their pastor, who spoke about some nonsense like "monkeys gave birth to human babies". From there, it might be possible to point that out in a way that would make them read a wiki article about it, for example. That is, make one real step towards changing the opinion.

Assuming the other side would care to answer the "why", however...

Re: How to listen when you disagree

#26

Post by zzalpha »

throwanem wrote: post #16
zzalpha wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Or you could provide a counter-argument so we can have a discussion. Kinda making my point for me. :)

Just like you're making mine, and the article author's. Listening is a lot harder than contempt, but you might think about trying it some time all the same.

Who wasn't listening? Did anything in either of my comments imply I wasn't?

I read the author's post. I digested it. I provided my counterpoint.

Your initial response was essentially dismissal.

I prompted you to provide a more substantial response (admittedly rather sarcastic, though I hope it wasn't viewed as hostility... probably a bad decision, that), and you once again come back with a pithy response.

It's almost as though you feel I've offended you by providing my viewpoint, which I find odd since I haven't personally attacked anyone, certainly not you, whom I don't know from Adam.

Re: How to listen when you disagree

#27

Post by Mz »

I generally agree with the points made, but I think it is rather poorly written. Plus, like others here, I found the formatting a problem. I repeatedly wondered if I had reached the end only to find I had not.

Re: How to listen when you disagree

#29

Post by Artlav »

zzalpha wrote: post #22
whiddershins wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It was hard for me to resist the urge to downvote this comment. Yes, everything you are saying has merit, but overall I completely disagree with the main thrust of your point. If listening and understanding other people isn't the first step to working through these problems, nothing is. And I am unwilling to just call the problems unfixable, throw my hands up, and resign myself to a world full of such misunderstandin…

If listening and understanding other people isn't the first step to working through these problems, nothing is. So I'll make a counter-point: let's say we're back in the old slavery days. I'm sure Abe did his fair share of listening and talking with folks from the South. But eventually, there just ain't no compromising and something had to be done. And so it was done. Ultimately, I think, for some issues, there is si…

Ah, i had an impression that the article was talking about the one-on-one case, and so assumed you were too.

Makes more sense now.

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