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Harvard Study: Biggest Factor in Divorce Is Husband's Employment Status

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Re: Harvard Study: Biggest Factor in Divorce Is Husband's Employment Status

#121

Post by vacri »

2muchcoffeeman wrote: post #111
maerF0x0 wrote: post #92

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You prefaced an attack on anecdata with... "anecdata"

The original poster also didn't really say anything about pay inequality. Just, that women ancestors were financially independent. Also > Also add that all of my female ancestors from 1900 onward held good jobs and were largely financially independent (which contradicts the article saying it didn't really happen before 1975). So rustynails may have trend data for at least the women in their family. And all of them ha…

Confirmation bias again, though. Lego ads had girls in them? Cool. Now, how many politicians were women? How many managers or other people in authority? How seriously were women's opinions taken in the media? Were there extra hurdles to overcome for a woman who wanted to start her own business?

It sounds like it's just a project to look for specific counter-examples, rather than a proper gestalt look at society as it was.

And really, if you want to tell if 'society has gone off the rails', pretend (if you aren't already) that you're a minority, a woman, or gay, and then ask "Would I rather be living in today's society, or that of the 50s and 60s?".

Re: Harvard Study: Biggest Factor in Divorce Is Husband's Employment Status

#122

Post by reitanqild »

anonbiocoward wrote: post #106
acangiano wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> a lot of men tie their identity to their employment so strongly I wonder if the other side of the coin isn't that wives tend to respect their husbands less when these earn less than they do. It could be because it violates a social norm caused by society's gender role expectations. Research found that even employed men who earn a bit less than their wives are affected by higher divorce rate. So we can cast these me…

> it violates a social norm This story hit me pretty hard. While I was in medical school, my wife's family, especially her mother, routinely encouraged her to divorce me. We had two small kids, and I had gone on job interviews and seen the offers I was getting without a graduate degree, despite a BS in physics and 7 years of experience. It was obvious to everyone that medical school was the right course of action in…

Impressed that you and your wife stuck together! Bet your kids will be too.

My father used to quote someone that "the best a man can do for his kids are to love their mother."

And: I feel sorry that this can actually happen to people.

Re: Harvard Study: Biggest Factor in Divorce Is Husband's Employment Status

#123

Post by zaroth »

gozur88 wrote: post #116
MollyR wrote: post #70

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Stress doesn't absolve you of responsibility for your actions. Most marriages being degrees of unhealthy doesn't equate to most marriages having affairs in them. If my husband had an affair, child or no child, It would be an instant divorce. I could never trust him again.

I agree with you. No relationship is roses all the time, and cheaters will eventually find an excuse to cheat.

I think "cheaters gonna cheat" is overly reductive and crass. The point is that if most marriages are unable to deal with infidelity, then most marriages will fail. But the divorce rate has been declining for some time now, perhaps due to more modern approaches to human fallibility.

Again, this has nothing at all to do with excusing an affair, or abdicating responsibility. It's really examining and appreciating that many marriages are faced with these very serious challenges, and perhaps it's a sign of strength, dare I say health, in a marriage that it can continue on after an affair rather than collapsing at the mere thought.

EDIT: Keep in mind we can also speak more generally about affairs both romantic or sexual. It is interesting how many people just equate it to a sex act.

Re: Harvard Study: Biggest Factor in Divorce Is Husband's Employment Status

#124

Post by [deleted] »

int_19h wrote: post #100
enave wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> the MRM seems to be not limited to trying to make things better for men but also endless attacking women ?? Are you implying that feminism is limited to just helping women? Surely you're not that naive. If we were to play a game where each time you post a crazy thing an MRA has said, I have to post two crazy things feminists have said, I'll win that game. I'll win it easily. I'll win it with politicians and academi…

The points that have merit constitute the bulk of the message coming from people self-identifying as feminists. Sure, there's all kind of weird stuff - TERFs, separatist and even supremacist feminists etc - but they're a minority compared to the mainstream. On the other hand, when looking at the MRA scene (again, going by self-identification of the speakers), the mainstream seems to consist of "incels", red pillers,…

[deleted]

Re: Harvard Study: Biggest Factor in Divorce Is Husband's Employment Status

#126

Post by nihilum »

So many white knights, and so much virtue-signalling.

Men of the world, quit fighting for the other side; you have nothing to lose but your chains.

Regardless, women won't become interested in you based on what you write on a pseudonymous online forum.

Re: Harvard Study: Biggest Factor in Divorce Is Husband's Employment Status

#127

Post by jdminhbg »

zaroth wrote: post #90
bnchrch wrote: post #71

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> But if an affair is unhealthy, by that definition literally most marriages are. I would be inclined to say that yes an affair would be a characteristic of an unhealthy marriage; at least by western standards. However I'm not sure you are correct in stating that most marriages have one or both partners being unfaithful. [0] [0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Infidelity#Infidelity_and_gend...

The numbers seem to be all over the place. I've read 25% of married Americans report having an affair (meaning .75 * .75 = 56% chance of a marriage not having an affair) Then just below it says 20%. The Washington Post quotes a study claiming fully 70% of women and 72% of men (study by sex researcher Shere Hite, so pretty big grain of salt there) and then cite a University of Chicago study finding 25% of married men…

> I've read 25% of married Americans report having an affair (meaning .75 * .75 = 56% chance of a marriage not having an affair)

Only if "married but having an affair" is an independent variable, which I would doubt -- I would be shocked if one partner having an affair weren't predictive of the other partner having an affair.

Interesting to see the spread of numbers by different studies though; I wonder how close to reality any of them are.

Re: Harvard Study: Biggest Factor in Divorce Is Husband's Employment Status

#128

Post by zaroth »

Here's the worst thing about this... if you are married, and working on your pre-revenue startup as a solo founder out of the house... that is another description of a person that we call "unemployed". Whoops, yeah that part of building a business, we do not talk about so much. :-/

Re: Harvard Study: Biggest Factor in Divorce Is Husband's Employment Status

#129

Post by zaroth »

KKKKkkkk1 wrote: post #113

If we realize that the legal system has made the wife essentially a stockholder who is entitled to a stream of dividends from her marriage, and who has a right to sell when she sees fit, it's no surprise that women choose to sell when there is a sustained decline in earnings.

It really is a lease-hold. There's no selling the shares, and the dividends don't stop. Apparently the wife keeps the shares until remarrying.

Re: Harvard Study: Biggest Factor in Divorce Is Husband's Employment Status

#130

Post by zaroth »

reitanqild wrote: post #122
anonbiocoward wrote: post #106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> it violates a social norm This story hit me pretty hard. While I was in medical school, my wife's family, especially her mother, routinely encouraged her to divorce me. We had two small kids, and I had gone on job interviews and seen the offers I was getting without a graduate degree, despite a BS in physics and 7 years of experience. It was obvious to everyone that medical school was the right course of action in…

Impressed that you and your wife stuck together! Bet your kids will be too. My father used to quote someone that "the best a man can do for his kids are to love their mother." And: I feel sorry that this can actually happen to people.

Thank you for that reply!
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