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Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

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Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#191

You aren't wrong. Most of us are stuck in conformist, drab and conservative societies, where we're forced to participate in the market economy. This is soul-crushing, and bad for nearly everyone, but especially those in poor countries. I recommend: 1. Don't work hard. Try to reduce your productivity. 2. Don't work long hours. Reduce your working week to the minimum necessary. Most university graduates earn enough to…

No. Work hard. On something that matters. The world needs a lot of help. If people with privilege use that privilege to slack off rather than give back, the world has no hope. You will find a lot of meaning and joy in giving, in focusing on the well-being of others. Your own well-being will follow. Yes to 3, 4 and 6! 5 Never hurts.

> The world needs a lot of help.

With great power comes great responsibility.

There are many people even in developed countries[1] who need help of those who made it through.

[1] http://slatestarcodex.com/2015/12/24/how-bad-are-things/

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#192

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you have a family? A family, an SO or kids is the best way to understand life through other perspectives.

No, but I plan to start one soon. It's true that having children gives you a new perspective on life.

Most people don't find meaning in the raising of children. It changes your life a lot, but if you feel like your life is aimless and you're just on autopilot, you'll probably feel the same after having kids. It's rare for a person to define their purpose in terms of their kids and be happy about that. Most people still want to have a self-actualized purpose.

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#193

I've been feeling this way since middle school. I didn't really have any bad subjects in school, so I figured I could do whatever interested me professionally, but nothing really strongly appealed to me other than a paycheck large enough to eat out whenever I wanted. I discovered programming was pretty fun, now I'm a software engineer, and I'm just saving money for..... something . I don't know what. I've been trying…

I've felt similarly since middle school.

I keep coming back to poor education as the root cause of many problems worth fixing. Sometimes, the root cause is more basic: poor public health. Most hard problems are going to be solved very slowly. In the meantime, short-term solutions just don't seem worthwhile.

The frustrating part is that it's not readily apparent how our technical skills can help with these hard, fundamental problems.

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#194
post #181

> I can ask my brother for money > we have a trash relationship Do you have a trash relationship because you've asked him for money too many times?

This comment just irritated the hell out of me. Who are you to pass judgement on people you don't know? Like we all live in a just universe [1], and everything bad that is part of your life is your fault, including bad relationships with people.

[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just-world_hypothesis

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#195

29 myself, and going through something similar. Millennials like us aren't allowed to grow up, it doesn't matter how successful or educated we are. In fact, the more we accomplish the more we are disinfranchised because society merely wants us to be consumers, go to work, pay the bills, and try not to cause any trouble. We aren't supposed to be anything more than consumer wage slaves. Our generation has been brainwas…

This seems awfully cynical to me.

There's a big difference between slavery, and working a job because the money affords your preferred lifestyle or life goals and you've decided that the positives outweigh the negatives. A difference so big in fact that I find it confounding that a term like "wage slave" even sees regular use. I wonder how actual slaves (of which there are more today than at any other point in human history) would feel about such a term.

The two things are so different that your advice to OP is that they should stop. Try giving that advice to an actual slave.

You can choose to work or not to work, it's an option we all have because we're fortunate enough to be members of a society that is mostly civil and mostly good, and work is easier and more rewarding in our part of the world than it has ever been anywhere else, or at any other point in time.

My advice to OP is to find the job where you can have the largest impact, find a cause you care about outside of work, and donate a percentage of your income to it. If it's not fulfilling to you to use that income to live for yourself, you can seek fulfillment in working for a social good (it sounds like that's something you want to do anyway).

Ben Horowitz says you shouldn't follow your passion:

http://a16z.com/2015/05/28/some-career-advice-for-all-you-re...

I think this is great advice with a strong basis in reality. You said you wanted to make an impact and fix things socially? You will do more for that by doing whatever it is you're best at, and using the influence and wealth that earns you to affect positive change socially. Maybe you won't work on it directly, but indirectly your impact will be far greater if you do whatever it is you're best at, whatever that may be.

Personally, I choose to live a frugal life and accumulate wealth. It's going to compound interest over the course of my life, and when I'm gone it's all going to causes that I care about. That's because I could donate $1 today, or I could keep it invested and donate $5 when I die.

I may never actually work on social issues directly, I may not be here to witness my earnings going to important causes, but this is how I'll have the largest impact that I possibly can in terms of doing a social good. Not by doing what I'm passionate about, but instead by doing what I'm good at.

Identify what you want to do with your life, then figure out how you're going to accomplish that by doing what you're best at. Your life can have almost any kind of impact on this world that you want. It's not limited to the scope of your profession, and the size of your impact is limited only by how hard you're willing to work.

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#196

You aren't wrong. Most of us are stuck in conformist, drab and conservative societies, where we're forced to participate in the market economy. This is soul-crushing, and bad for nearly everyone, but especially those in poor countries. I recommend: 1. Don't work hard. Try to reduce your productivity. 2. Don't work long hours. Reduce your working week to the minimum necessary. Most university graduates earn enough to…

Point 6 seems to be in conflict with point 1. Changing the world order will require lots of work (or lots of thinking, which is also work).

I'm speaking of work we're forced to do within the market-liberal economy. You are not likely to get paid to overthrow it.

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#197
Besides what other guys mentioned, I think what you really lack is a good focus on a long-term objective. I decided to experiment what I consider a decent salary to live off monthly, then I've set my goal to retire... before retirement. To do this I considered how much I would generate from the dividend in stocks and other assets... there's a lot of reading and planning.

This is one suggestion what you could do, plus you'll put your money to work for you, not just you for it.

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#198
I would travel for a while (6 months minimum, but possibly for years).

You get to know much more about yourself. If you are lost about who you are in the circumstances you describe, why not change the circumstances completely.

Disclaimer + shameless plug: if you are worried about money for that kind of traveling, try www.worldpackers.com (where you can exchange work for accommodation). I work there and I personally know about tons of positive feedback about how traveling for longer times changed their lives for better. Obviously, my advice for traveling persists even if not traveling as a worldpacker. :) Also, I am a personal reference for this kind of power, having spending 6 months working and living at a NGO for homeless families in Uruguay, them the same, but for 1,5 months at a NGO for children in Senegal.

My email is in my profile if you want to be put in touch to more people whose life changed for better by traveling.

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#199
post #181

> I can ask my brother for money > we have a trash relationship Do you have a trash relationship because you've asked him for money too many times?

This comment just irritated the hell out of me. Who are you to pass judgement on people you don't know? Like we all live in a just universe [1], and everything bad that is part of your life is your fault, including bad relationships with people. [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Just-world_hypothesis

He asked a valid question and passed no judgment. You seem to have a chip on your shoulder.

Re: Ask HN: When you feel stuck in life

#200

I'm 32 and I've had similar thoughts at least since I was 27. A kind of existential crisis tinged with deep boredom and non-clinical depression. I've found 3 things that have helped me deal with my depression/boredom: 1. Have things to look forward to: Always, always find things to anticipate and look forward to in the short and long term. Whether it is something small, like a treat at the end of the day or something…

> Spirituality

I rediscovered being a member of a dojo. Combines some elements of spirituality / higher purpose together with some pretty awesome exercise endorphins. It's like church, but without the god thing.

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