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Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

washingtonpost.com

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Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

#111

Post by lttlrck »

Dirlewanger wrote: post #64
greyman wrote: post #29

As a father, I still cant believe how someone might be happier without children, or kids have not made him happier... it is a most fulfilling thing to have a relationship with ones own kid. I also do not personally know anyone who said kids didnt make him happier. I am from Europe, not USA, but it is unlikely people are that different there.

It may make you happier, but at what cost? Having children is a monumentally massive physical, emotional, financial, and psychological investment. What if there's a problem in the womb and they're born with a physical defect? What if there's a problem at birth and my spouse is now physically scarred for life? What if I get divorced and my wife now legally fucks me out of everything I own, and grooms the children to d…

Bad things can happen without kids. Life is full of risks and unknowns you just have to focus on the upside. Having kids is no different - except the upside can be phenomenal.

Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

#112

Post by zzalpha »

JoeAltmaier wrote: post #11

Anything worthwhile is hard. Was I happy day 6 on a weeklong hike on an island in the rain and mosquitoes? It didn't seem like it at the time. Yet I'm going again. Its a silly question really.

Anything worthwhile is hard.

Not to be too harsh, but this is Calvinist BS.

Listening to great music isn't hard. Watching a great film isn't hard. Simply spending time with loved ones isn't hard.

All are, in my view, worthwhile.

Yes, there is a satisfaction in accomplishing something difficult. But that neither makes it inherently worthwhile, nor does it mean all worthwhile things are hard.

Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

#113

Post by dwaltrip »

linkregister wrote: post #104
ams6110 wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

tread water financially compared to your dual-income friends Screw that. Don't judge your life by how others live. My newest car is 12 years old. I have a wife, kids, and a good job and could easily have new cars every few years but instead I have no debt other than mortgage and I put the money into my retirement and college savings. I don't begrudge the choices of my friends who like to buy a lot of new things but I…

Clearly you don't live in the Bay Area or you bought in before the house price jump. Treading water financially is an accurate way to describe life in the Bay Area for families with a stay-at-home parent. The modest standard of living you describe about yourself significantly exceeds what could be expected for the median software developer in the Bay Area. Families with incomes below that would not be able to sustain…

Maybe more people should move out of the bay area? Especially if they have kids? It's so much cheaper essentially everywhere else. Even with a salary cut I would imagine it's worth it in many situations.

Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

#114

Post by JoeAltmaier »

zzalpha wrote: post #112
JoeAltmaier wrote: post #11

Anything worthwhile is hard. Was I happy day 6 on a weeklong hike on an island in the rain and mosquitoes? It didn't seem like it at the time. Yet I'm going again. Its a silly question really.

Anything worthwhile is hard. Not to be too harsh, but this is Calvinist BS. Listening to great music isn't hard. Watching a great film isn't hard. Simply spending time with loved ones isn't hard. All are, in my view, worthwhile. Yes, there is a satisfaction in accomplishing something difficult. But that neither makes it inherently worthwhile, nor does it mean all worthwhile things are hard.

There is no personal accomplishment to hedonistic pleasure. I would call them pleasant, even broadening which I guess is worthwhile, once in a while. So maybe I should say it with many more words and more detail, so non-Calvinists can get it: many very hard, very demanding things are worth doing even though not constantly pleasurable.

Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

#115

Post by linkregister »

dwaltrip wrote: post #113
linkregister wrote: post #104

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Clearly you don't live in the Bay Area or you bought in before the house price jump. Treading water financially is an accurate way to describe life in the Bay Area for families with a stay-at-home parent. The modest standard of living you describe about yourself significantly exceeds what could be expected for the median software developer in the Bay Area. Families with incomes below that would not be able to sustain…

Maybe more people should move out of the bay area? Especially if they have kids? It's so much cheaper essentially everywhere else. Even with a salary cut I would imagine it's worth it in many situations.

Yeah, I'm not disagreeing that the economic unit versions of these families would move to a place with a better salary/cost-of-living ratio. Moving takes time; the advent of eye-popping living costs in SF is less than 4 years old. Moving a family is a big deal. There is data that suggests that moving children in their teens more than doubles their risk of mental illness and criminal behavior. Certainly the U.S. has the lowest barriers to relocation, but it's not a trivial undertaking.

Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

#116

Post by dang »

throwaway6436 wrote: post #66

You might not want to take parental advice from a fat bastard who sits and plays with his keyboard all day on a computer. Try a grown-up instead. By which I mean, someone who has chosen to develop emotional intelligence. Yes I can see the irony in what I'm saying. Thanks.

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