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Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

washingtonpost.com

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Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

#51

Post by sosuke »

rday wrote: post #9

I'd really like to see a study specific to female happiness with children. I live in the US, and I think men and women's experience with children is entirely different. When my wife worked, she missed our kids tremendously. Almost 75% of her take home went to day care. She was pretty miserable. Now she stays home. She gets a lot of off-hand comments from other friends with kids about "how bored they would be if they…

No data to back up my feeling that most of the pressure stay at home women get is from other women. My wife stays at home and we buck any negative comment together to keep those feelings at bay. We show we are proud of it, not ashamed by it and we aren't willing to let anyone else belittle our choices.

Any negative comment, any off-hand comment needs to be squashed immediately. Same thing happens with self-esteem issues I think. If the negative comments don't stop from 'friends' you have to make the sometimes tough choice to find better friends. I make sure to say with force how much she does, how helpless I'd be or what a mess I'd be without her help at home.

I think like yourself my mental state is strong enough that I choose lowering myself to lift her above the haters.

Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

#55

Post by theseatoms »

exstudent2 wrote: post #35
greyman wrote: post #29

As a father, I still cant believe how someone might be happier without children, or kids have not made him happier... it is a most fulfilling thing to have a relationship with ones own kid. I also do not personally know anyone who said kids didnt make him happier. I am from Europe, not USA, but it is unlikely people are that different there.

> I am from Europe, not USA, but it is unlikely people are that different there. You would be surprised. Americans receive very strong lifelong messaging about how they should live their life to optimize for immediate comfort. Having and raising children definitely causes strain on one's ability to fulfill the lifestyle that has been marketed to them.

Ha, we definitely do. But we also receive lifelong conditioning that raising children should be a central part of one's life. It's pretty easy to convince yourself to be skeptical of this Kool Aid that everyone seems to be drinking.

Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

#56

Post by JackFr »

wmt wrote: post #42
eevilspock wrote: post #7

The article seems to cite public policy as the source of the difference. I don't think public policies are the root cause, but rather the underlying values of the culture that gave rise to them (as the article later seems to suggest). I'll bet that the U.S. end of that chart tends to be characterized by cultures that put individualism above all else, while the other end much less so. Individualism is good; I'd never…

The Nordics, where having kids also increases your happiness, are also very high on individualism as opposed to collectivism. The key difference to the US are the public policies that allow families never to stress about things like arranging daycare to the kids from the day they born. These policies are not there to combat individualism, but to enable it with taxpaid support networks. Most of them are not poor aids,…

Maybe it's the difference between individualism and narcissism.

Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

#57

Post by Dirlewanger »

balls187 wrote: post #23

Basic armchair psychology will tell you, nothing can make you happy. Your happiness is your own responsibility. Not all parents may understand that having children may mean drastic changes to lifestyle, and may not have been prepared for the ~27 years of stress that having children bring on. Oddly enough, having kids gives me a purpose in Society, that otherwise being a 36 year old man would not have. Too old to join…

>But being a dad, society is all about that

Except when it comes to family law, then the dad gets fucked into complete attrition.

Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

#58

Post by buckbova »

Overtonwindow wrote: post #21

I do think people have children for the wrong reasons, most of them selfish. Honestly I want kids so I have someone to play legos with, or whatever they want to do.

What is a reason to have children that is not selfish unless your doing it to please your SO solely?

Of course there's adoption.

Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

#59

Post by collyw »

xenadu02 wrote: post #25

There is definitely a pressure to lie and say everything about kids is great all of the time; that is clearly not the case. I would say that "small" happiness is less due to the huge amount of work and stress. On the flip side "large" happiness (or fulfillment) is higher. Whether that makes sense is a very personal decision. I'm also very early in the journey. I have no idea how it will turn out in 15 years. I am hap…

I would be surprised if anyones genes survive a few more generations the way we seem to be messing up the planet.

Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

#60

Post by sosuke »

sliverstorm wrote: post #14
rday wrote: post #9

I'd really like to see a study specific to female happiness with children. I live in the US, and I think men and women's experience with children is entirely different. When my wife worked, she missed our kids tremendously. Almost 75% of her take home went to day care. She was pretty miserable. Now she stays home. She gets a lot of off-hand comments from other friends with kids about "how bored they would be if they…

Any opportunity for working part time, or working from home? I've always wondered if that was the ideal solution.

It the worst of both worlds I think. Pressure from the home duties and from work. Doing less than your best at both.

I have made it a point to suggest to my wife, if she ever chooses go out to find work at whatever point, that volunteer work would be the best. No financial pressures.

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