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Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

washingtonpost.com

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Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

#31

Post by infinite8s »

balls187 wrote: post #23

Basic armchair psychology will tell you, nothing can make you happy. Your happiness is your own responsibility. Not all parents may understand that having children may mean drastic changes to lifestyle, and may not have been prepared for the ~27 years of stress that having children bring on. Oddly enough, having kids gives me a purpose in Society, that otherwise being a 36 year old man would not have. Too old to join…

27 years? One would hope by 18 years of age one's child (in the descendant sense) would be fairly independent.

Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

#32

Post by greyman »

whatshisface wrote: post #15
theseatoms wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> As an aside to this, there's a lot that society and governance can do to make life easier for parents both in the short and long term. And further subsidize child-bearing? Property taxes already directly fund public schools in most localities in the US.

Children are an absolutely massive financial net-negative for all quality-of-life levels above the poverty line, and a few below. They will contribute to society far above their cost, but never pay back their parents. Maybe we should subsidize childcare more ? Surely, that would better align parent's benefit with civilization's.

> Children are an absolutely massive financial net-negative for all quality-of-life levels above the poverty line

Not in my experience. My kid cost me money, but quality of life increased a lot since everything is now much more enjoyable. Also, kids do not pay back their parents with money, but they pay back much more with their love, and making life much more enjoyable for the parents.

Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

#33

Post by Ma8ee »

infinite8s wrote: post #31
balls187 wrote: post #23

Basic armchair psychology will tell you, nothing can make you happy. Your happiness is your own responsibility. Not all parents may understand that having children may mean drastic changes to lifestyle, and may not have been prepared for the ~27 years of stress that having children bring on. Oddly enough, having kids gives me a purpose in Society, that otherwise being a 36 year old man would not have. Too old to join…

27 years? One would hope by 18 years of age one's child (in the descendant sense) would be fairly independent.

But then it gets worse! They'll continue to do things that you consider stupid, but you can't control them any more.

Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

#34

Post by nostrademons »

rday wrote: post #9

I'd really like to see a study specific to female happiness with children. I live in the US, and I think men and women's experience with children is entirely different. When my wife worked, she missed our kids tremendously. Almost 75% of her take home went to day care. She was pretty miserable. Now she stays home. She gets a lot of off-hand comments from other friends with kids about "how bored they would be if they…

When I was growing up, my dad stayed home to take care of us and my mom worked. And he eventually felt devalued by the rest of society, socially isolated, and (as we grew up and needed him less) missing a sense of purpose and accomplishment.

I think it's an individual thing. Healthy boundaries are a good thing to have regardless of gender. It's important to learn not to give up things that are important to you regardless of the messages society sends, and that if society has a problem with that, that's society's problem and not yours. Society is pretty big, after all, and there's bound to be some portion of it that will accept your well-considered choices.

Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

#35

Post by exstudent2 »

greyman wrote: post #29

As a father, I still cant believe how someone might be happier without children, or kids have not made him happier... it is a most fulfilling thing to have a relationship with ones own kid. I also do not personally know anyone who said kids didnt make him happier. I am from Europe, not USA, but it is unlikely people are that different there.

> I am from Europe, not USA, but it is unlikely people are that different there.

You would be surprised. Americans receive very strong lifelong messaging about how they should live their life to optimize for immediate comfort. Having and raising children definitely causes strain on one's ability to fulfill the lifestyle that has been marketed to them.

Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

#37

Post by ascendantlogic »

balls187 wrote: post #23

Basic armchair psychology will tell you, nothing can make you happy. Your happiness is your own responsibility. Not all parents may understand that having children may mean drastic changes to lifestyle, and may not have been prepared for the ~27 years of stress that having children bring on. Oddly enough, having kids gives me a purpose in Society, that otherwise being a 36 year old man would not have. Too old to join…

My wife and I debated having kids. By my mid 30's I felt like I was living a stupid life that was basically me sitting around watching sports at bars and waiting for the next cool video game to come out. My son gives me life immense meaning, but boy have the stress levels gone up. There's no "right" answer, just the choices you make and the ramifications of them. For me it was stressful life full of meaning, or easy life that felt empty and meaningless.

Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

#38

Post by thebakeshow »

infinite8s wrote: post #31
balls187 wrote: post #23

Basic armchair psychology will tell you, nothing can make you happy. Your happiness is your own responsibility. Not all parents may understand that having children may mean drastic changes to lifestyle, and may not have been prepared for the ~27 years of stress that having children bring on. Oddly enough, having kids gives me a purpose in Society, that otherwise being a 36 year old man would not have. Too old to join…

27 years? One would hope by 18 years of age one's child (in the descendant sense) would be fairly independent.

Perhaps he had multiple children, extending the range

Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier

#40

Post by balls187 »

infinite8s wrote: post #31
balls187 wrote: post #23

Basic armchair psychology will tell you, nothing can make you happy. Your happiness is your own responsibility. Not all parents may understand that having children may mean drastic changes to lifestyle, and may not have been prepared for the ~27 years of stress that having children bring on. Oddly enough, having kids gives me a purpose in Society, that otherwise being a 36 year old man would not have. Too old to join…

27 years? One would hope by 18 years of age one's child (in the descendant sense) would be fairly independent.

My theory (slightly humorous) is that kids don't smarten up until age 27.
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