Anything worthwhile is hard. Was I happy day 6 on a weeklong hike on an island in the rain and mosquitoes? It didn't seem like it at the time. Yet I'm going again. Its a silly question really.
Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier
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Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier
#12I'd really like to see a study specific to female happiness with children. I live in the US, and I think men and women's experience with children is entirely different. When my wife worked, she missed our kids tremendously. Almost 75% of her take home went to day care. She was pretty miserable. Now she stays home. She gets a lot of off-hand comments from other friends with kids about "how bored they would be if they…
Wow, I have a very similar experience to yours. My wife worked, same thing, now doesn't work, and she feels lonely and like she (1) isn't contributing and (2) has no adult conversation. I try to help her by mentioning how great she is with the kid, and by taking the kid places by myself so she can go see and do adult things. It is tough, good luck.
Good point. No matter how you arrange it, its important to have respite, regularly. Back when the boys were babies I'd come home Wednesday night, she'd shove the youngest into my arms and head out the door for a night off with the girlfriends. Every Wednesday night. Just her time. It made everything else endurable.
Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier
#13Hypothesis: people mostly say having kids makes them happy, because they know that's the right answer and they've never actually stopped to evaluate that statement since the child was 2 days old and the joy hadn't worn off. Like most things, I suspect it's an opinion that's formed and then never reflected on unless something major comes along to force a correction of it. As an aside to this, there's a lot that societ…
> As an aside to this, there's a lot that society and governance can do to make life easier for parents both in the short and long term. And further subsidize child-bearing? Property taxes already directly fund public schools in most localities in the US.
If we further subsidized child-bearing we would have fewer abortions which for my personal socio-economic beliefs (YMMV) would be a great thing but would the right wing allow that? NO! — Ironic, huh?
Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier
#14I'd really like to see a study specific to female happiness with children. I live in the US, and I think men and women's experience with children is entirely different. When my wife worked, she missed our kids tremendously. Almost 75% of her take home went to day care. She was pretty miserable. Now she stays home. She gets a lot of off-hand comments from other friends with kids about "how bored they would be if they…
Any opportunity for working part time, or working from home? I've always wondered if that was the ideal solution.
Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier
#15Hypothesis: people mostly say having kids makes them happy, because they know that's the right answer and they've never actually stopped to evaluate that statement since the child was 2 days old and the joy hadn't worn off. Like most things, I suspect it's an opinion that's formed and then never reflected on unless something major comes along to force a correction of it. As an aside to this, there's a lot that societ…
> As an aside to this, there's a lot that society and governance can do to make life easier for parents both in the short and long term. And further subsidize child-bearing? Property taxes already directly fund public schools in most localities in the US.
Children are an absolutely massive financial net-negative for all quality-of-life levels above the poverty line, and a few below. They will contribute to society far above their cost, but never pay back their parents. Maybe we should subsidize childcare more? Surely, that would better align parent's benefit with civilization's.
Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier
#16Anything worthwhile is hard. Was I happy day 6 on a weeklong hike on an island in the rain and mosquitoes? It didn't seem like it at the time. Yet I'm going again. Its a silly question really.
We choose to go to the Moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard...
Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier
#17I'd really like to see a study specific to female happiness with children. I live in the US, and I think men and women's experience with children is entirely different. When my wife worked, she missed our kids tremendously. Almost 75% of her take home went to day care. She was pretty miserable. Now she stays home. She gets a lot of off-hand comments from other friends with kids about "how bored they would be if they…
Societal Pressure on Women is immense.
Societal Pressure on Women in the work place is immense.
Societal Pressure on Mothers is also immense.
They combine to make it exceptionally tough on Women. But mad props to those who have persevered despite that pressure--like my Mom and many other mothers out there.
> IME, the dads I know who stay home get more of an "awesome bro!"
If you are independently wealthy, sure. Otherwise, IME, you are considered a failure for not being able to provide for your family.
Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier
#18I don't feel that anyone disputes that children make parents happier (cuteness, inadvertent humor, fulfillment ...) but the responsibilities associated with them (sleep deprivation, education and care related costs, ...) stress everyone out which everyone acknowledges as well
I can totally see stress as a major factor. Just the thought of financing some or all of college is stressful. Given that most parents want their kids to experience college, I can see that weighing on the minds of many parents.
Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier
#19I'd really like to see a study specific to female happiness with children. I live in the US, and I think men and women's experience with children is entirely different. When my wife worked, she missed our kids tremendously. Almost 75% of her take home went to day care. She was pretty miserable. Now she stays home. She gets a lot of off-hand comments from other friends with kids about "how bored they would be if they…
I think this is sadly a cultural thing. My wife comes from a culture that really values being a stay at home mom. She gave her career up to be at home full-time to raise our child and I've never seen her happier (but more tired :).
Our peers are for the most part American born and have a very different view. The moms obsess about missing out on their previous careers and living life as they did pre-children. They seem much less happy (as do their children).
In large parts of the world raising kids is "doing something with their lives", just not in the US.
Re: Research suggests many US parents will lie when saying kids made them happier
#20I'd really like to see a study specific to female happiness with children. I live in the US, and I think men and women's experience with children is entirely different. When my wife worked, she missed our kids tremendously. Almost 75% of her take home went to day care. She was pretty miserable. Now she stays home. She gets a lot of off-hand comments from other friends with kids about "how bored they would be if they…
I think the idea that you aren't doing enough with your life if you are just raising kids is wrong. Educating kids is one of the most important jobs. They will grow up to be full human beings, so the positive effect you can have on the world through them can easily be greater than the positive contribution at a job.