Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Why Continuing to Work Is Good for a Man’s Health

features.wearemel.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

161–166 of 166 posts

Re: Why Continuing to Work Is Good for a Man’s Health

#161

Post by 50CNT »

conceit wrote: post #151
50CNT wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In which case you need to delineate your channels of access more clearly. Move your main communication to something more asynchronous (email, text, wechat/whatsapp, slack), set a time where things will be checked, and perhaps offer an emergency line over real-time messaging (phone calls fit the bill best). Most things are not time critical, and a sizable portion of the things that are, are not mission critical.

the emergency line is the stressor I ment.

The emergency line should almost never be used. It sounds like you have too many emergencies.

Re: Why Continuing to Work Is Good for a Man’s Health

#162

Post by andyjdavis »

Camillo wrote: post #155
DominikR wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Only having a girlfriend once fulfilled me (until she dumped me like "you don't have leadership with your life") but you didn't count "partner" among things that fulfill your free time, did you? Please don't try to find this there. It makes you dependant on a person which isn't healthy for both of you and you are not going to find this idealised love in a relationship. The main reasons that I see for men slowly los…

If you don't have a decent social network by the time you've left university (or if you lose it, e.g. by moving), it's hard to build one. You can meet people here and there by going to Meetups and whatnot, but it's hard to go beyond casual acquaintance. You can't ask the same person to hang out too often, or you start seeming desperate and they will value your time and your friendship less. And a bunch of one-to-one…

One somewhat extreme yet effective solution to this is to get into situations where no one knows anyone and where there is some shared hardship involved.

We did this by moving to another country where there was limited potential to really integrate into the local community (Thailand).

Because expats existed in their own little community and everyone walked off the plane knowing no one all the new comers are extremely open to forming new friendships. At to this that moving to another country is a challenging experience which you are going through together and there is a very high potential for making a whole new group of friends.

The only similar equivalent I can imagine would be something like joining the military. Everyone shows up knowing no one then they all undergo a series of challenging experiences together. It is not surprising that some military people seem to form lifelong bonds with their peers.

Meanwhile if you stay wherever you usually live, an environment relatively lacking in hardship where everyone else has at least a semblance of an existing social network, making a whole new social network is extremely tough.

Re: Why Continuing to Work Is Good for a Man’s Health

#163

Post by andyjdavis »

douche wrote: post #131
andyjdavis wrote: post #64

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>I think it's a myth that one can just chill out forever Absolutely. My wife and I spent a few years traveling full-time, mostly SE Asia. I worked remotely while my wife was busy with various projects. In particular, tropical islands are incredibly damaging to your motivation and general happiness. We arrived grossly overestimating how much we would enjoying hanging out on a tropical islands and met a great many peop…

A tropical island with a goodly supply of rum punch, a well-stocked library, and a hammock sounds like paradise to me. Whenever I go on vacation, catching up on my reading is always one of my goals.

That is the trap, assuming that what appeals on a vacation will remaining appealing once it becomes your normal state. It isn't even just an issue of getting bored, the knowledge that this is your normal life rather than a time boxed vacation changes your experience from day one.

Re: Why Continuing to Work Is Good for a Man’s Health

#164

Post by chipsambos »

theandrewbailey wrote: post #142
chipsambos wrote: post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>“You go from working 50, 60, 70 hours a week to zero,” Moen says. “And it very much affects your identity. Who am I? For men, the answer usually is their job.” That is why it's important not anchor your identity in the transient. The world is full of people who do and it invariably hits them hard when things inevitably change: Mothers with empty nest syndrome, ageing people clinging desperately to their youthful goo…

> It helps if you clearly define the roles you play in your life: a husband, a father, a brother, a friend, a software dev, a jogger, a cyclist, a member of the local club, an avid collector of y and, above all, a person who can create new roles and find new places for yourself. Most of those things ARE transient. Most of the retirees anymore had their jobs for life (ok, 30+ years). As in, within a single company. Af…

Yes, that's exactly the point I was making. It's why you need to be able to view them as temporary roles you are playing and not what you are or all you are.

Re: Why Continuing to Work Is Good for a Man’s Health

#165

Post by giardini »

jakeva wrote: post #137
giardini wrote: post #125

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If life is truly boring and you seek "meaning" then your suggestion, "raising great kids", is the path to take. Picking up that first little bundle in your hands sets off neurons that lay latent for decades awaiting the moment and which instantaneously rewire your brain to protect/foster. If you had control before that moment, you certainly don't after. And you'll have more "meaning" than you can handle. Bad news: yo…

Mormon girls tend to want to date only Mormon men, or at least other Christians

At least, that's what Mormon men want you to believe!8-))

Re: Why Continuing to Work Is Good for a Man’s Health

#166

Post by slantedview »

p4wnc6 wrote: post #132
Kluny wrote: post #123

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ah, I see. I think that still counts as work. If you've been saying "I've been off work" in interviews, that might not work, but it would be just as true to say "I've been working for my family."

Yes, I do say this. Obviously you can't just vaguely say "I've been working" -- they will ask exactly what "work" you have been doing, which is when I explain just the bare minimum details of my family situation necessary for an employer. Most people interviewing me express a lot of compassion, say it's admirable to see someone sticking to help their family as I have, and then promptly reject me for not currently bei…

I don't know why this happens, but some thoughts:

a) it's complete and utter bullshit

b) any company that rejects skilled people for petty reasons doesn't really want or deserve skilled people

c) our industry has a lot of growing up to do, which unfortunately, is a reflection of its leadership

Post reply on HN