How to Stay Stressed

Surely you can see there's a middle ground where you listen to other people's views, but don't accept them immediately.

All-or-nothing thinking is another big stressor, by the way.

They aren't really conflicting. The middle-ground coms from recognizing things that really are your responsibility, while ignoring the parts that have nothing to do with you. Basically they are extremes to be avoided. Taking some criticism is probably a good idea -- it can be helpful. Similarly passing blame even when the problem is your fault is probably a bad idea.

Say, for instance, you are on a project with a couple other developers. Your main responsibilities have been features a, b, and c. Further you noticed d and e were pretty messed up, and helped a junior developer start straightening them out. Some milestone is reached, and you have a code review with the senior dev (who is one of those arrogant guys who may be pretty good, but is also a condescending asshat). He says "your factoring on a,b, and c could be done this way instead, how could you not see something so simple. As for d and e you really screwed the pooch there".

The extremes would be "Gosh i am stupid, I really messed up factoring and features, I need to work 80 hour weeks to make up for it" and "It was all junior dev's fault -- if only he didn't need help i could have factored right, and you wouldn't even think to talk to me about d and e." In reality (reconciling the two statements) a good approach would ignore the stupidity insinuation, acknowledge that the factoring could be better, and say "Listen d and e aren't even mine, I'm helping junior dev learn the ropes, so there are mistakes, but they're getting better, you should have seen it last week".

This (kind of) restates the inverse of two of the four agreements:

    Don't Take Anything Personally.
    
    Always Do Your Best.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miguel_%C3%81ngel_Ruiz

I hate to read lists of negative things to avoid. I'll try to invert each of the points:

How to Avoid Stress

* Begin by setting reasonable standards for yourself

* Compare yourself with role models who you could someday be like

* Take all criticism with a grain of salt and try not to take it personally

* Allow yourself to make mistakes and to have imperfections

* View your work as a means to an end

* Pay attention to the outcome and the process

* Attribute the success or failure of every endeavor to the effort expended

* Acknowledge factors beyond your control but do not fixate on them

* Learn to meditate and relax; do it often

* Develop your sense of humor

* Listen to music for please

* If you have a physical problem, find the root cause of the problem and pursue a lasting solution

* Exercise often; eat healthy on a good schedule

* Avoid alcohol, tobacco, caffeine, and other drugs and stimulants

* Fasten your seatbelt, drive slowly, and reduce your time spent in the car

* Take on what you can handle, learn to say no

* Learn to prioritize everything and work on the important things

* Stay organized

* Participate in your support networks

* Ask for help

* Take responsibility for your behavior

* Develop and maintain friendships with others

* Recover from injury, don't wallow in victimization

* When in doubt, avoid hastily assigning blame

Quite the opposite, I try hard to keep my brain working while dozing off and while waking up .. and as much as possible when I am drifting in and out from consciousness, because sometimes that's how I find a solution to a problem that I have been banging my head against the wall for. I think there was some research done before about the upside of some truth behind "I'll sleep on it".