Ask HN: How to deal with stress and overspecced responsibility?

I reported directly to the CEO. I coped with this as long as I could fighting through burn out until I finally let him know we needed to expand the team. I was buckling under all the tasks. I spelled out clearly how it was far too much for any one person to handle.

We've slowly over time expanded the team until we now have 5 developers, which is still less bandwidth than we want but it makes things a lot more manageable, because we now as an organization accept a more realistic view of what we can do with the team we have.

I would say try talking to your manager about the reality of your situation. Have a real conversation about your concerns. If they go unheard or nothing comes of it, then it's probably time to move on.

1. It's really hard to do.

2. Few people have themselves been trained on management.

3. Faced with 1 and 2, people focus on their own, more familiar personal deliverables.

Therefore, if you want things to change, you'll probably have to make some specific suggestions. And to do that, you should do some homework. I highly recommend starting with Managing Humans by Michael Lopp (http://www.amazon.com/Managing-Humans-Humorous-Software-Engi...) or maybe The Hard Thing About Hard Things by Ben Horowitz (http://www.amazon.com/Hard-Thing-About-Things-Building/dp/00...). Spend an hour or two with each book and you'll have a better idea what can be done, and why.

What you're finding is that working as both a full-time manager and full-time engineer is very difficult, borderline impossible. Eventually, you'll have to choose. An increasing number of small companies are starting to understand this reality, and allow their top people to grow into either technical leadership or management leadership roles. Expecting both, simultaneously, is not realistic.

It is a conversation with your VP at this point. If I don't get the help you have told me I can go get this is going to sink, its going to be my number one priority.

The other thing you need to find is a mentor, if you don't have any one in your circle (a former boss works, someone else who has been promoted) then you need to find outside help. Start looking for life coaches and or professional coaches, you may need to go through a few of them, but you might find someone you like and who can genuinely help you out.

Don't let your lack of degree or business training discourage you. A lot of leaders at start-ups today have similar backgrounds, and are learning on the fly. One area I found difficulty assessing was identify which stress was me growing into a role versus which stress was self-imposed. I worked with an executive coach to help learn the difference and make some small tweaks to my behavior.

Hang in there, say no more often, and reach out to others who have gone through a similar transition for help.