Marry Him: The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough
theatlantic.com
Marry Him: The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough
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Re: Marry Him: The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough
#2This is an interesting article; thanks for posting it.
However, I enjoyed The Last Psychiatrist's deconstruction of it more: http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2010/02/dont_settle_for_the_m...
Re: Marry Him: The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough
#3It might sound awful, but this is one of the reasons I avoid dating 28+ girls (I am 29 myself).
1. Too much pressure. (even if it is not explicit, given her standing, it is implicit)
2. I don't know if she likes me for me, or just because her clock is ticking.
On the flip side, girls it have really really easy on their early 20s. That might create an "suply is infinite" kind of thinking in girls, and maybe perhaps even a degree of narcisism sets in (I am demanded, I deserver x, and y, and of course z qualities on a bf/ideal partner). Some girls just fail to realise that past 26 (maybe 28 for asian girls), looks tend to fade. (fertility peak is 22).
So, absent a family presure, it is easy to get comfortable thinking this attention they get is normal, and will last for a long time.
Hence, they hit their late 20s/early 30s with extremely high expectations, yet their perceived value has diminished with time (at least looks wise).
Many girls realize this, and end up being in "settling mode", which honestly, if you are a guy sucks. She will not love you for what you really are.
To be honest if I had a daughter, my advice would be find a good one between 25-28. That's where your should be wise enough to know what you want, but still have time to change your mind if you feel it is not the right thing.
Re: Marry Him: The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough
#4Couldn't there be a third way: make demands less strict in society? I remember reading that women in Iceland are among the happiest on the planet, because they are not under so much strain to sustain a relationship forever. It is not frowned upon to break up. Women just move back with families and date again.
Since > 50% of marriages seem to break anyway (if I remember correctly), maybe it would be better to approach things in a more relaxed way to begin with. Maybe then men also wouldn't be so afraid to settle - for a while.
Re: Marry Him: The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough
#5It might sound awful, but this is one of the reasons I avoid dating 28+ girls (I am 29 myself). 1. Too much pressure. (even if it is not explicit, given her standing, it is implicit) 2. I don't know if she likes me for me, or just because her clock is ticking. On the flip side, girls it have really really easy on their early 20s. That might create an "suply is infinite" kind of thinking in girls, and maybe perhaps ev…
How about the case for older women?
http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/2010/02/16/the-case-for-an...
Re: Marry Him: The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough
#6Lori Gottlieb, in The Atlantic, writes "Marry Him!", and describes a problem so pervasive and urgent it's hard to imagine Obama hasn't cleared his desk: what's an "independent," "feminist," "heterosexual" 40-something "woman" with a sperm-donor child to do when she can't find a man to marry her?
I found this analysis of the author much more interesting than the original article: http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2010/02/dont_settle_for_the_m...
Re: Marry Him: The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough
#7Couldn't there be a third way: make demands less strict in society? I remember reading that women in Iceland are among the happiest on the planet, because they are not under so much strain to sustain a relationship forever. It is not frowned upon to break up. Women just move back with families and date again. Since > 50% of marriages seem to break anyway (if I remember correctly), maybe it would be better to approach…
Someone in the marriage breakup industry told me that 75% of all second marriages fail.
I think we should have five and ten year civil contracts, with options to renew. What you do religiously is your own business.
Re: Marry Him: The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough
#8Lori Gottlieb, in The Atlantic, writes "Marry Him!", and describes a problem so pervasive and urgent it's hard to imagine Obama hasn't cleared his desk: what's an "independent," "feminist," "heterosexual" 40-something "woman" with a sperm-donor child to do when she can't find a man to marry her? I found this analysis of the author much more interesting than the original article: http://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2010/02…
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Re: Marry Him: The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough
#9Couldn't there be a third way: make demands less strict in society? I remember reading that women in Iceland are among the happiest on the planet, because they are not under so much strain to sustain a relationship forever. It is not frowned upon to break up. Women just move back with families and date again. Since > 50% of marriages seem to break anyway (if I remember correctly), maybe it would be better to approach…
Someone in the marriage breakup industry told me that 75% of all second marriages fail. I think we should have five and ten year civil contracts, with options to renew. What you do religiously is your own business.
Someone in the marriage breakup industry told me that 75% of all second marriages fail.
That's the kind of statement to rigorously fact-check before believing it. Most estimates of divorce rates (in terms of percentages of all marriages that will end in divorce) are overestimates.
Re: Marry Him: The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough
#10The Cosmo-ification of HN continues apace. Next week, esr's sex tips FAQ.
I know someone will very earnestly explain to me how this is on topic but really, it isn't.