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The Science of Making Friends

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Re: The Science of Making Friends

#3
I've certainly found myself in the difficult position of having moved to a place where I know nobody. I read "How to win friends and influence people", hoping I could learn how to make better friends with it. It's easy to go to meetups and make shallow connections with small talk, but getting people to talk to me is like pulling teeth, a lot of single sentence reponses and no attempt to further the conversation.

Re: The Science of Making Friends

#4
> "People with higher I.Q.s were less content when they spent more time with friends. Psychologists theorize that these folks keep themselves intellectually stimulated without a lot of social interaction, and often have a long-term goal they are pursuing."

Therein lies the rub. Having friends makes you happier, as long as your friends are intellectually stimulating.

I've been trying desperately for years to make some intellectually stimulating friendships, and it's quite difficult.

In part, I think, because I am a generalist, and most smart people are specialists. As a result, I don't run in the same circles as they do.

When I do make a friend who is smart, chances are they will end up moving across country for a new job, or will disappear into their research, and I'm back at square one.

Are there any other generalists who have trouble making friends with other smart people, because they all seem to be specialists?

Do you have any advice for generalists in need of smart friends?

Re: The Science of Making Friends

#6
post #2

Just wondering: can beginning a startup with new people be considered a good way to find new friends?

I'd exercise caution about that, since eventually the startup will inevitably hit a rough patch and it'll be nice to have a social network other than the startup.

Re: The Science of Making Friends

#7
post #4

> "People with higher I.Q.s were less content when they spent more time with friends. Psychologists theorize that these folks keep themselves intellectually stimulated without a lot of social interaction, and often have a long-term goal they are pursuing." Therein lies the rub. Having friends makes you happier, as long as your friends are intellectually stimulating. I've been trying desperately for years to make some…

To start with, Put contact info in your hacker news profile. Then when you say interesting things, folks who are a bit more shy can contact you directly. Also reach out to those who interest you. Who knows, some of these brilliant generalists might have time to chat.

Re: The Science of Making Friends

#9
post #7
post #4

> "People with higher I.Q.s were less content when they spent more time with friends. Psychologists theorize that these folks keep themselves intellectually stimulated without a lot of social interaction, and often have a long-term goal they are pursuing." Therein lies the rub. Having friends makes you happier, as long as your friends are intellectually stimulating. I've been trying desperately for years to make some…

To start with, Put contact info in your hacker news profile. Then when you say interesting things, folks who are a bit more shy can contact you directly. Also reach out to those who interest you. Who knows, some of these brilliant generalists might have time to chat.

having contacts online isn't really the same thing as a "friend", right?

Re: The Science of Making Friends

#10
post #4

> "People with higher I.Q.s were less content when they spent more time with friends. Psychologists theorize that these folks keep themselves intellectually stimulated without a lot of social interaction, and often have a long-term goal they are pursuing." Therein lies the rub. Having friends makes you happier, as long as your friends are intellectually stimulating. I've been trying desperately for years to make some…

I have definitely experienced this, but till now hadn't had the words to describe it. Thank you stranger!
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