For Female Astronomers, Sexual Harassment Is a Constant Nightmare

To tackle wolf-whistles, or to tackle misconceptions about sexism?

I'll direct my answer towards tackling misconceptions about sexism, because I think it solves the problem of overt-sexism, and I believe it also generalizes to issues of prejudice in general. I could write thousands of words on the topic, but for the sake of time and space I'll try to keep it brief.

I think it is important to understand that almost everyone believes they are doing what is best. An individual's worldview is formed over the course of the entire life. It's important to understand that you probably won't change anyone's mind today. A few things that I think are really important to keep in mind:

Listen to what the other person is saying. Ask them about their experiences. They will tell you why they believe what they believe.

Respect the other person. Don't contradict their experiences. Trust them to be a person who is capable of using reason.

Don't take the moral high ground. It's easier to relate to a flawed person, and nobody wants to deal with an insufferable asshole.

Appeal to their intuition. People will outright reject anything that doesn't make sense. You can't throw facts that contradict an individual's life experience and expect them to accept those facts. Instead, tell a story and demonstrate how that situation represents both their position and your position.

Don't use jargon. Don't use the word feminism, racism, micro-aggressions, or privilege. People have their own understanding of what those words mean.

Give them ownership of their own mind. Leave them with tools to evaluate the world. Let them search for evidence for your position and for their own.

edit: I just saw the new line you added. I'd say the person who punched him did a pretty terrible job of handling that. Your buddy probably thinks that the other person was the irrational one, when really both people behaved in a way that was internally rational.

If it happened to my buddy, I'd say something like, "well that reaction was over the top. You definitely didn't deserve to get hit." After giving them some time to blow off steam, I'd follow up with something like "Well, I can kind of see why she was mad though. I know I appreciate [this is where you relate] compliments on my physical appearance, because I don't hear them very often, and I don't feel like I'm always valued for my looks. Women are valued on their looks first and foremost though, so you are kind of reinforcing that belief that they exist as an aesthetic object, like a painting or something."

They probably don't really understand at this point, so I like to flip it around with something that they've personally complained to me about.

That's probably a terrible example. It's really important to relate to people on an individual level.

I want to be clear that I'm not brushing off the incidences or saying they're in any way acceptable. It's more of a thought exercise asking why these guys think the behavior is acceptable. Why are they doing it in the first place? Are some of them just predatory, knowing it's not acceptable and think they can get away with it? There are certainly plenty of examples in all fields where people in a power position think they can simply get away with it due to the resources available to them.

I've worked with, and hired, plenty of women and it's never crossed my mind to behave that way, not ever. Is it because I've not ever felt that I had the power to make the problem go away, ignoring what I know is right and wrong? Is it because I went through 'normal' socialization channels growing up? Is it because I do not feel socially awkward in different environments that would allow me to court a woman in a more acceptable fashion? Is it because those 'normal' socialization channels helped me figure out (even through trial and error growing up) what an acceptable fashion even is? Are 'normal' people just wired up to innately feel how an action such as touch could make the other feel in a given context? One of the hallmarks of autism spectrum is an inability to read social cues for example, so if people in these fields have a pre-disposition to be on the spectrum, is it possible this plays a factor?

Hearing the victims' descriptions of what they had to deal with genuinely makes my skin crawl, and that's why I floated the questions/ideas in the first place. I can't put my head into a place where I could see why these guys would do it, and I'm wondering if the general wiring of the types of people that gravitate to and achieve in these fields might pre-dispose them to socially abnormal behaviors like this. Are the incidences of this type of behavior greater than in other fields, say teaching, that have historically been more equal or female lead? If so, is it because the intent is generally predatory (in that the offender generally knows it's wrong and doesn't care), or is it that they don't get how wrong it is?

Again, going back to an anecdote of being in both social circles... One of my best friends from my CS studies at university was a delight one on one, or in the small circle of our group of CS friends. But whenever he could gather himself to come to a party that was filled with pretty much no one like himself he had no freaking clue how to behave. A lot of female friends said he creeped them out- stared too much, said weird stuff, etc. No physical violations by any account I can recall. I asked him about it one day and his response was pretty much what I expected: he had no freaking clue how to connect to these people, women in general scared the shit out of him, and he shared no real social point of reference with my other friends that would allow them to connect.

It's personal experience like that that makes me wonder if some of it is attributable to wiring/social disconnects, not just pure predation. Again, their actions whether with bad intent or out of ignorance are no more acceptable and do not magically inflict less trauma to these women. I'm just wondering aloud if there exists some common thread that might explain why this might happen more in some fields than others.

No, I'm fine with "inappropriate comments", sexual and harassing in nature, falling under the designation of sexual harassment. But if you are advocating for making "inappropriate comments" illegal, then I'm going to have to disagree.

Imagine that a man says to a woman "No pressure, but if you're up for it, I'd like to put my popsicle in your purse." That is certainly sexual harassment, and in a workplace a firing would be a likely and not unreasonable resolution. Calling for armed agents of the state to drag the man off to jail (or use the threat of violence to compel anything) is an overreaction.

That is why an advocacy for making sexual harassment a criminal offense works against the proponent's interests. Sexual harassment would be redefined much more narrowly, because you can't lock people up just because they're dirty loudmouths.

Advice like "say no" and "stay in groups" is neither difficult to obtain nor helpful. (And: "carry a hat pin"? seriously? this is the 21st century here)

The exact paragraph you quoted from section on "sexual harassment" is copy-pasted from section on "sex-based discrimination". And it's not law, but some guidance/advice/faq/whatever.

You are overinterpreting this thing.