My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine • Hacker News Board

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#131

Post by farresito » Sun, Mar 27, 2016, 9:58 AM UTC

DanBC wrote: post #34

shanusmagnus wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The evidence for physical activity being good for just about every ailment under the sun is about as incontrovertible as the evidence for water being wet. Considering that it's vitally important, often ignored, devoid of negative side effects, and free to implement, I think you're the one being irresponsible.

Here we have a person expressing psychologic pain. And then another person, with no medical training and no psychologic training dismisses any possible cause of that pain and says "go for a jog". It's not a helpful way to give that advice. And it might not be useful advice. > The evidence for physical activity being good for just about every ailment under the sun is about as incontrovertible How do you explain the me…

dismisses any possible cause of that pain and says "go for a jog" Well, thank you. Apparently recommending to incorporate jogging is dismissing any possible other cause. Furthermore, I say that I still haven't beaten depression, even after doing sport, which implies that even I do not consider the lack of sport to be the only cause.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#132

Post by _lsjg » Sun, Mar 27, 2016, 10:18 AM UTC

md224 wrote: post #92

innertracks wrote: post #76

7.62x39 was going to be my bullet of choice. 10 years or so of depression was enough. Until I saw my 3 year old daughter down the hall while I was heading to the closet to get the rifle. In that moment, I chose to endure the pain for her. Not that I didn't think about it again, many times, over the years. A friend happened to call a few days later. He convinced me to schedule a doctor's appointment that day. Tip: The…

Nobody should have to suffer for even a single year. We really need to improve treatment for depression.

We really need to get rid of stigma of depression and mental illnesses in general. So people can actually get the treatment, not hide how they feel because what others might think.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#133

Post by forgetsusername » Sun, Mar 27, 2016, 11:23 AM UTC

DanBC wrote: post #34

shanusmagnus wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The evidence for physical activity being good for just about every ailment under the sun is about as incontrovertible as the evidence for water being wet. Considering that it's vitally important, often ignored, devoid of negative side effects, and free to implement, I think you're the one being irresponsible.

Here we have a person expressing psychologic pain. And then another person, with no medical training and no psychologic training dismisses any possible cause of that pain and says "go for a jog". It's not a helpful way to give that advice. And it might not be useful advice. > The evidence for physical activity being good for just about every ailment under the sun is about as incontrovertible How do you explain the me…

What is there to explain?

From your post it looks like exercise can have positive effects on depression. I haven't read anywhere here that it's the only solution. But it's sometimes as effective as other known treatments (according to your own link) and it's cheap and easy to implement.

Anti-depressants and therapy don't work for everyone, either.

There are people in this thread crying for help. They are looking for advice. Yes, going to see a doctor should be at the top of your list. But let's not pretend the medical system is perfect, or that we all live in San Francisico with a ton of progressively thinking doctors. There's still a stigma with mental health, even in the medical field.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#134

Post by anon15 » Sun, Mar 27, 2016, 11:34 AM UTC

My experience is that a lot of people that are raised in homes with some form of addiction or other kind of dysfunctionality can have symptoms similar to depression while the actual need is to treat the traumas from family dysfunction. If you suspect this and would like to seek help you could have a look at the 14 common traits of "adult children" http://www.adultchildren.org/lit-Laundry_List#1 I identified and found a way out of anxiety by attending those meetings.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#135

Post by studentrob » Sun, Mar 27, 2016, 11:50 AM UTC

Zeeem wrote: post #116

studentrob wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Are you curious about anything? Travel, girls, sports? Could you put yourself in a new environment to renew some curiosity?

I don't recommend giving this advice to people who are seriously depressed. Speaking as someone who went through that for two years, it's more of a disease than a lifestyle problem. I could have done all these things and still have been miserably depressed. What helped me was talk therapy, medication (the biggest factor), and having really supportive friends.

What is the process of talk therapy? Isn't it just asking questions? Did I actually give any advice there?

For sure friends are best. But if someone vents online, how are we to know whether this person will go elsewhere or not for support? I'm not offering to take the place of a professional but I wonder if it really hurts to converse with a depressed person online by asking questions. Silence certainly isn't helpful. And if everyone just says, seek professional help, is that really empathetic? Sounds a bit robotic to me.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#136

Post by DanBC » Sun, Mar 27, 2016, 11:50 AM UTC

forgetsusername wrote: post #133

DanBC wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Here we have a person expressing psychologic pain. And then another person, with no medical training and no psychologic training dismisses any possible cause of that pain and says "go for a jog". It's not a helpful way to give that advice. And it might not be useful advice. > The evidence for physical activity being good for just about every ailment under the sun is about as incontrovertible How do you explain the me…

What is there to explain? From your post it looks like exercise can have positive effects on depression. I haven't read anywhere here that it's the only solution. But it's sometimes as effective as other known treatments (according to your own link) and it's cheap and easy to implement. Anti-depressants and therapy don't work for everyone, either. There are people in this thread crying for help. They are looking for…

> Anti-depressants and therapy don't work for everyone, either.

No, they don't. But they are more likely to work than exercise, and they're easier to try than exercise. The problem with recommending exercise is that it's not effective for most people, and can increase feelings of hopelessness and despair in people who try it but who see no effect. This makes it harder for them to seek help from a qualified professional. It also requires considerable effort - 30 minutes of exercise 5 times a week isn't something that most people with a severe depression can do. (And here the recommendation was more than that! 30 minutes a day.)

Here the suggestion was not "try exercise on top of seeing a doctor", the suggestion was "try exercise".

Don't forget that suicide is a leading cause of death (second leading cause of death in US males aged between 13 and 35 http://www.cdc.gov/men/lcod/ ) so there's a risk of real harm here.

If people are going to give unsolicited medical advice to someone with a potentially fatal illness they should probably spend a bit of time to see if there's any evidence to support their advice, or they should make it much clearer that they're sharing their anecdotal experience in an attempt to empathise.

Every single time depression is mentioned on HN someone will say "try exercise".

It's a meme that needs to end because it's potentially harmful, mostly not helpful, and it can feel really dismissive to people with depression.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#137

Post by qplex » Sun, Mar 27, 2016, 12:03 PM UTC

DanBC wrote: post #25

I'm often surprised by non-doctors giving medical advice to someone who has a potentially fatal illness. It feels really irresponsible to me. As irresponsible as telling a cancer patient to try carrots. Although I accept that you're showing compassion, and that's important. And that you're not being judgemental. And that you have some evidence that exercise works to treat depression - you're not talking obvious nonse…

Doctors mostly do their work inside the system and their knowledge is limited to "legal" options. In my experience you cannot even mention weed without being stigmatized as a "drug user".

For me, weed works very well, I feel more energetic and happy as long as I can get my daily dose.

In the eyes of society I'm a criminal though... and that is something that makes me depressed. Quite a dilemma.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#138

Post by ZeroGravitas » Sun, Mar 27, 2016, 12:17 PM UTC

NikolaeVarius wrote: post #53

a3n wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Anecdote of one: Looking back, I've been depressed most of my adult life, from 20 to my current 58. A few years ago I went to CrossFit for a couple years. I went from not being able to do a single pullup, to being able to crack off 20+. It didn't help. For me. I still wanted to kill myself, and all the while I went to the gym I felt it was pointless. Again, that's an anecdote of one. The cause of my depression and so…

I can relate. I went on a fitness binge a bit back. These days I can run a 10k in 45 minutes pretty easily, hit very good lifts for my weight class, and eat salads basically every single meal. After work and after the gym, all I want to do is drink or anything similar to get rid of all the thoughts in my head about how pointless it all is. Why the hell do I care if I can do all that crap. I feel like how others do. I…

One of the symptoms of depression is losing interest in things that you previously enjoyed.

I was mildly depressed for a while and even things that previously gave me great joy, like music and hanging out with close friends, lost their charm. I believe the technical term for this is ahedonia. Luckily I got better and the joy came back.

So perhaps you do enjoy some of the things you've tried, your just not in a physical state to feel it at the moment.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#139

Post by Jaruzel » Sun, Mar 27, 2016, 12:27 PM UTC

throwaway_2016 wrote: post #130

Does anyone have an antidepressant they've tried that doesn't give them horrible sexual side effects such as loss of libido and inability to orgasm? All the SSRIs seem to do that. Zoloft, Paxil, Amitriptyline. They make me happy but I'm dead below the waist. Mirtazapine worked for me for a while but it pooped out, and Wellbutrin makes me feel ridiculously amped up. So those are no good. I'm married, and I've been dep…

I'm currently on Venlafaxine. Previously I was on Citalopram. The Citalopram totally killed my sex drive and prevented orgasm, so this time around I asked for something different. The Venlafaxine slows me right down, and my orgasm (once I finally get there) is altered somewhat, but I can perform most of the time. Which for me is enough, YMMV of course.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#140

Post by mildbow » Sun, Mar 27, 2016, 12:48 PM UTC

dcsadthrowaway wrote: post #56

The author here is pretty brave. I've often thought about writing something along similar lines. When you're living in DC and you aren't doing this long list of elite stuff, it's much less ok to admit you're not ok. Many places want their younger workers to work hard, not smart. I'm currently looking for a job that have more autonomy, more respect for the individual, but they're hard to find. It's especially frustrat…

Another DC area related source of stigma: iirc, when getting even a public trust level security clearance you have to disclose (or allow them to look up) any medications you routinely take.

Does it kill your chances for a higher level clearance, if you have had depression? I'm not sure. But, it sure seemed like it.