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My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

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Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#71

Post by unclebucknasty »

reubenmorais wrote: post #52

I'm fairly sure I'm depressed, but I feel like I have to hide it in order to protect my mom, who is also depressed. She's been dealing with her depression for about five years now, and thanks to software I've been able to support our family for the past three years (I'm 22), which is fantastic for her and my siblings, but at the same time it makes me feel like I have to be an emotional/financial anchor for the family…

Thanks for sharing. As others have said, please consider getting help; the sooner, the better. Depression has a way of becoming more entrenched, stubborn and isolating over time.

It also changes your outlook on things, such that it becomes more challenging to remember which is you and which is the disease as it continues to merge itself into your being (so to speak).

Good luck.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#72

Post by mistermann »

neom wrote: post #55
reubenmorais wrote: post #52

I'm fairly sure I'm depressed, but I feel like I have to hide it in order to protect my mom, who is also depressed. She's been dealing with her depression for about five years now, and thanks to software I've been able to support our family for the past three years (I'm 22), which is fantastic for her and my siblings, but at the same time it makes me feel like I have to be an emotional/financial anchor for the family…

I use talkspace and it's really good, highly recommend it. Feel free to email if you ever feel that you need someone to talk to.

Is this only text or do they also offer audio/video? Text to me just seems like it would take a very long time to accomplish something, at least at the start.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#73

Post by foobarqux »

RickS wrote: post #10
depressedfather wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A long time ago. It didn't help.

Things have come a long way in that time. I shyed away from medicine ~2007 because the side effects were gnarly and I was scared it would change who I was. I tryed em out about 3 years ago. It remains among the smartest things I've ever done for myself. The field has come a long way. I'm the same guy I always was, with lots less crushing anxiety. If it's been a long time, give it another go. "I tried a cell phone in…

Which meds?

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#74

Post by [deleted] »

dang wrote: post #40
DanBC wrote: post #25

I'm often surprised by non-doctors giving medical advice to someone who has a potentially fatal illness. It feels really irresponsible to me. As irresponsible as telling a cancer patient to try carrots. Although I accept that you're showing compassion, and that's important. And that you're not being judgemental. And that you have some evidence that exercise works to treat depression - you're not talking obvious nonse…

We detached this subthread from https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=11368005 and marked it off-topic.

[deleted]

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#75

Post by cheez »

reubenmorais wrote: post #52

I'm fairly sure I'm depressed, but I feel like I have to hide it in order to protect my mom, who is also depressed. She's been dealing with her depression for about five years now, and thanks to software I've been able to support our family for the past three years (I'm 22), which is fantastic for her and my siblings, but at the same time it makes me feel like I have to be an emotional/financial anchor for the family…

You're 22 man, please don't waste your youth.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#76

Post by innertracks »

7.62x39 was going to be my bullet of choice. 10 years or so of depression was enough. Until I saw my 3 year old daughter down the hall while I was heading to the closet to get the rifle. In that moment, I chose to endure the pain for her. Not that I didn't think about it again, many times, over the years.

A friend happened to call a few days later. He convinced me to schedule a doctor's appointment that day. Tip: The receptionist will find a slot the same day when you tell them you had to give your guns to a friend just in case. Be honest with them.

Sleep, light, medication,therapy, nutrition, hydration, friends you can call. Figuring it all out can be complex. Getting help is vital so keep looking until you find the help. Finding the right therapist may take a while.

It took me almost 10 years before I stopped having suicidal thoughts after my near miss. Another 5 years before I figured out one of the main reasons for what I was experiencing. Nearly 25 years total of the pain of depression because I figured I could handle it myself.

I was wrong.

Get the help.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#77

Post by liveoneggs »

yeukhon wrote: post #21

I don't believe in therapy. I have multiple major depressions throughout my life, and I entered a new one two and a half years ago. I don't believe in therapy because therapists don't offer anything new but the same comments and advice I get from books and television shows. Morning commute and night commute are the darkest hours of my every day life. Sleeping in doesn't help me because my mind is full of ideas and fe…

>Morning commute and night commute are the darkest hours of my every day life

You should work from home!

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#79

Post by studentrob »

reubenmorais wrote: post #52

I'm fairly sure I'm depressed, but I feel like I have to hide it in order to protect my mom, who is also depressed. She's been dealing with her depression for about five years now, and thanks to software I've been able to support our family for the past three years (I'm 22), which is fantastic for her and my siblings, but at the same time it makes me feel like I have to be an emotional/financial anchor for the family…

Don't be sorry, talking about it is exactly what you should be doing. If you're not comfortable venting to someone in person, make more use of online forums or try a journal. I also suggest meditation and books about mindfulness.

Re: My dad hid his depression. I won’t hide mine

#80

Post by samcodes »

depressedfather wrote: post #68
depressedfather wrote: post #2

I'm like her dad. Reading her story may have altered my path, for the sake of my daughters, for a bit longer, I guess. I design software, I code, test and deploy. They think my work is good. It doesn't matter. I work until I'm tired and then I sleep. I hide my tears from my family. There's no joy in any of these projects, and I've lost all interest in my past side projects. I work so much I barely see my daughters be…

Thank you for all the responses. I took a large life insurance policy a few weeks ago, but I'll look for a therapist on Monday. There's a hundred in Boulder, I feel paralyzed, I don't have time to figure them out. The few friends I have don't hear me. I do exercise and team sport, I eat decently well, those are not the causes.

I've looked into it and I'm pretty sure you need to have the policy for two years for them to pay out for suicide. So, you may as well get on meds for that time, and who knows, they might help a lot. They did for me. I was on Prozac around 2004. About a year ago I sought out help again and I am on 3 different ones, and it just feels like more of a science than it did back then. "Oh you're still sad? More Prozac!"

So yeah, do therapy, but strongly consider a psychiatrist as well. Also, I have been looking into ketamine treatment for depression. If you are at the end of your rope, worth checking out as well.

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