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She’ll Text Me, She’ll Text Me Not

nautil.us

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Re: She’ll Text Me, She’ll Text Me Not

#41

Post by Jtsummers »

thomasahle wrote: post #35
cousin_it wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think HN uses a variant of that to prevent long back-and-forth discussions.

You mean, if HN detects a long back-forth, it'll not show your post to anyone for a while after you've submitted it? That's quite interesting. Is this used anywhere else on the web?

The reply link won't appear immediately for deeply nested comments. Initially a minute or two, eventually many minutes. The comments still appear as fast as you allow with your "delay" setting in your profile (2 minutes for me: time to edit, and time to delete the stupid messages that felt good to write but that I shouldn't have written).

Re: She’ll Text Me, She’ll Text Me Not

#42

Post by the_af »

gelraen wrote: post #24
golemotron wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sometimes it's nice to be, right?

Nope. Attraction is a nice thing to feel, but it's generally more satisfying if you act on it with conscious choice and not feel "forced" to do something just because you feel a certain way.

I don't think that's how attraction works :(

Maybe building a stable, committed relationship -- something that not all people want, by the way, and that's ok -- is an exercise in restraint and rationality, but immediate attraction and hookups? It works irrationally almost by definition.

Re: She’ll Text Me, She’ll Text Me Not

#43

Post by desdiv »

thomasahle wrote: post #35
cousin_it wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think HN uses a variant of that to prevent long back-and-forth discussions.

You mean, if HN detects a long back-forth, it'll not show your post to anyone for a while after you've submitted it? That's quite interesting. Is this used anywhere else on the web?

In rapid back-and-forth discussions, the HN interface won't show the "reply" link for a short cool down period.

So it's not letting you post (temporarily), instead of hiding your post after you have submitted it.

Re: She’ll Text Me, She’ll Text Me Not

#44

Post by Jtsummers »

mhb wrote: post #39

I realize that this is an inquiry from another era, but people find it acceptable that other people know when they have read a text? Isn't that pretty intrusive?

IMs had that feature in the 90s, so at least for the digital era it's not abnormal for most of us. Professionally, we use read-receipts in emails in my office.

Re: She’ll Text Me, She’ll Text Me Not

#45

Post by [deleted] »

thomasahle wrote: post #35
cousin_it wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think HN uses a variant of that to prevent long back-and-forth discussions.

You mean, if HN detects a long back-forth, it'll not show your post to anyone for a while after you've submitted it? That's quite interesting. Is this used anywhere else on the web?

[deleted]

Re: She’ll Text Me, She’ll Text Me Not

#46

Post by socket0 »

thirdsun wrote: post #3

> One area where there was a lot of debate was the amount of time one should wait to text back. Several people subscribed to the notion of doubling the response time. (They write back in five minutes, you wait 10, etc.) This way you achieve the upper hand and constantly seem busier and less available than your counterpart. Others thought waiting just a few minutes was enough to prove you had something important in yo…

> Who enjoys these games?

I don't know if anyone really does. However, like me, most people probably like to think there's a right way and a wrong way of doing this, and that it's not all just a random coin flip where the house always wins. If someone we're attracted to apparently dislikes us for no discernible reason, it's comforting to think it's simply because we didn't follow the commonly accepted rules.

Re: She’ll Text Me, She’ll Text Me Not

#47

Post by ktxt »

pm90 wrote: post #22

There were many things wrong with how Aziz approached the situation. Firstly, he should NOT have invited her to a big concert right away: concerts/events are a big commitment, time and attention-wise. If he had just met the person, the best thing to do would probably have been to meet for coffee/drinks, get to know each other better and THEN propose going to the concert IN PERSON. Secondly, there are a lot of factors…

I agree there's slight mistakes in what he texted but just because she didn't text back means almost nothing.

As you said, there are a lot of reasons why she didn't text back and a lot are probably related to what he texted and her intensity for him but not necessarily how she feels about him.

People don't know what they want, are easily pursuaded and lazy.

Re: She’ll Text Me, She’ll Text Me Not

#48

Post by ktxt »

alias240 wrote: post #8

My strategy when I meet a girl I like is to exchange numbers, but have no intention of contacting them. The girl always has to contact the guy first. It's just how it works.

This is not great advice because girls aren't as proactive and they have plenty of old and new guys to distract them.

Re: She’ll Text Me, She’ll Text Me Not

#49

Post by busterarm »

stuxnet79 wrote: post #31
DocG wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>The girl always has to contact the guy first. It's just how it works That seems a bit childish.

Not only that, it seems like an ineffective strategy. I can't imagine you'd get more than a 10% response rate from this - and that's if you are exceedingly attractive. If you are just an average joe, this strategy basically does not work. If I had enough things going on in my life though I'd also always wait for the woman to contact me first because I've been used and manipulated too many times and don't see most wom…

I'd make a wager that the original commenter we're referring to is from the UK.

Men initiating interest with women isn't a universal cultural standard and that's one of the places where women asking men out is much more common.

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