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How People Learn to Become Resilient

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Re: How People Learn to Become Resilient

#11

The idea that resilience can be learned also implies that resilience can be spread through social groups -- if you spend more time around resilient people who view potentially traumatic events in a more positive light, it may lead you to do the same. I certainly found this to be true after hurricane katrina; talking to people who had been through other large-scale disasters helped me re-frame the events as a learning…

You can even see it in babies/toddlers when they fall over or something and look straight to the parents to see what their reaction should be.

Fretting leads to bawling and encouragement to get back up helps them just get one with whatever

Re: How People Learn to Become Resilient

#12

The idea that resilience can be learned also implies that resilience can be spread through social groups -- if you spend more time around resilient people who view potentially traumatic events in a more positive light, it may lead you to do the same. I certainly found this to be true after hurricane katrina; talking to people who had been through other large-scale disasters helped me re-frame the events as a learning…

[deleted]

Re: How People Learn to Become Resilient

#13
There is a dark side to the idea of an 'internal locus of control.' It creates a sense that the individual can and should manage the situation, even when the situation is totally unmanageable. I think it's a common problem among high achievers (particularly entrepreneurs), and conversely some 'resilient' people need to accept that there sometimes really IS an external locus of control before their efforts to control the situation break them. Hence the serenity prayer (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer) and major parts of eastern spiritual traditions...

Re: How People Learn to Become Resilient

#14
post #13

There is a dark side to the idea of an 'internal locus of control.' It creates a sense that the individual can and should manage the situation, even when the situation is totally unmanageable. I think it's a common problem among high achievers (particularly entrepreneurs), and conversely some 'resilient' people need to accept that there sometimes really IS an external locus of control before their efforts to control…

Good point, it's very important to have balance and be able to adhere to the "And wisdom to know the difference." part. I do think that it is important to have the experience of having too much 'internal locus of control' in order to get a good feel for that.

Re: How People Learn to Become Resilient

#15

The thing I've found most frustrating about the framing and discussion around these things in a clinical setting (in my limited experience, with people who were probably not trained specifically in these concepts) is that it's basically not allowed to say that your understanding doesn't fit on the "locus of control" spectrum (for example, if you reject mind-body dualism, without which the assumed concepts of "interna…

> for example, if you reject mind-body dualism, without which the assumed concepts of "internal" and "external" are somewhat absurd

How are they absurd? You don't have to believe that "your mind" is a separate ontological thing, in order to have a concept of internal and external control. Even if you think your physical brain is your mind (which I would agree is a very reasonable thing to think), you can still have opinions about how much you can influence your environment, and you can form beliefs which affect how your brain responds to stimulus.

Re: How People Learn to Become Resilient

#16
I like the article and where it is going, though I think the specific recommendations they make only scratches the surface. There are much better techniques that can be learned from some traditional wisdom lineages, shamanic initiations, and esoteric martial art lineages.

From my own experiences with Vipassana and other practices, it isn't enough to turn something negative into a positive. If you are not careful, that turns into clinging (wishful thinking). Rather, we're talking about being able to look at everything with clarity, with neither aversion or clinging. To be in equanimity with existential anguish.

This is something I am deeply interested in. Resiliency, drawing from all the different traditions and disciplines I had picked up, is something I want to instill in my step-daughter, and any other children I might raise. None of the things we know as "formulas of success" will apply by the time my kid(s) or your's reach adulthood. Our tech is moving too fast for that.

I want my step-daughter to learn how to Choose in face of uncertainty; to act with impeccable intent; to see the world with clarity. To be equally at home lost in the woods as in the middle of the urban jungle; to speak and communicate well with people of high status and the humblest of the homeless, both intimate friends and strangers from exotic culture. Resiliency is the basis to thrive.

Re: How People Learn to Become Resilient

#17
post #13

There is a dark side to the idea of an 'internal locus of control.' It creates a sense that the individual can and should manage the situation, even when the situation is totally unmanageable. I think it's a common problem among high achievers (particularly entrepreneurs), and conversely some 'resilient' people need to accept that there sometimes really IS an external locus of control before their efforts to control…

Yeah, the general idea is good, the specific techniques are limited. It's not really about control, more about Choice. Few people ever truly make choices, and instead, select from a menu of options. That gives the illusion of choice.

As I mentioned in a different comment, there are much better teachings found in wisdom lineages -- and not just ones from Eastern spiritual traditions. There are shamanic initiations one can undertake. There are specific esoteric martial art lineages that instill this as part of the training.

Re: How People Learn to Become Resilient

#18
post #16

I like the article and where it is going, though I think the specific recommendations they make only scratches the surface. There are much better techniques that can be learned from some traditional wisdom lineages, shamanic initiations, and esoteric martial art lineages. From my own experiences with Vipassana and other practices, it isn't enough to turn something negative into a positive. If you are not careful, tha…

That is a damn good point.

How did you pursue equanimity? Are referring to the Vipassana meditation 10-day course, and if so, how much did it contribute to your overall equanimity?

Re: How People Learn to Become Resilient

#19
post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

a lot of the subject of this article - "why do some children from awful backgrounds succeed and why do others fail?" is still a very open problem.

Same can be said about children from good backgrounds. What makes Donald Trump's kids 'successful'? I know some extremely privileged people in the early 20s that could do anything, are very attractive, have no worries but live a life of complete chaos. I know others who were smart and super wealthy, but stumbled and couldn't recover emotionally/mentally. I personally think it has a lot to do with stoicism and those w…

Good point. Money doesn't guarantee your success. You can still mess up a good thing.

Re: How People Learn to Become Resilient

#20
post #13

There is a dark side to the idea of an 'internal locus of control.' It creates a sense that the individual can and should manage the situation, even when the situation is totally unmanageable. I think it's a common problem among high achievers (particularly entrepreneurs), and conversely some 'resilient' people need to accept that there sometimes really IS an external locus of control before their efforts to control…

Epictetus said it well: "There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will."

Having an 'internal locus of control' is not incompatible with knowing when circumstances are beyond your control.

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