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When Are You Really an Adult?

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Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#151

Post by gargarplex »

sdegutis wrote: post #141
beccasanchez wrote: post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was actually laughing out loud because I thought the image of him not feeling like an adult because of his patchy beard was very comical. You (and other posters) are the ones being all touchy. I've got 14 downvotes for pointing out the paraplegic/housewife angle. HN is not too friendly toward basic philosophical inquiries!

I think you were downvoted for using a straw man fallacy. I wasn't saying adulthood was defined in terms of beards. Just that I don't feel like an adult because of my lack of beard. Man, I'd even settle for a great mustache. But nope, nothing.

She was downvoted because correlation does not equal causation!

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#152

Post by graycat »

"When are you really an adult?"

When you become your own mother and father in the sense that you supply for yourself the sense of judgment, responsibility, and diligence you first got from your parents.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#153

Post by vinceguidry »

mrexroad wrote: post #85
Retric wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My father used to say your not an adult until your third child. I think his point was it's not about being independent so much as juggling responsibly when you can't make everyone happy.

this. i've joked before that parenting 3+ young kids is really just figuring out how to ensure one doesn't get neglected any more or less than the others or that it's switching from man-to-man to zone defense. either way, you reach a point where the time/energy/money required to give your loved ones what they need no longer comes from "you" (your sleep/hobbies/friends), but has to be taken from what you can give your…

I personally have made a lot of decisions oriented around the inevitability of this dynamic. I let friends fall away after they move across town or just otherwise lose the ability to stop seeing me regularly. I've walked away from commitments where I'd lost every single reason why I'd made the commitment in the first place, I don't do this lightly. I've let myself become estranged from family for the sole reason they didn't adequately value the effort I went to to see them.

One or two children will be all I have, I am never going to start a startup, band, or other such long shot waste of time. I only have so much to give, and I ultimately will always put myself first, because when I put myself first, the quality of what I have to give to the people I truly care about and who care about me goes way up. The people who fall short of that all have their own lives that I am not and never will be responsible for. I've learned this the hard way too many times.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#154

Post by mhuangw »

I didn't start feeling like an adult until around age 21, and it took multiple failings and heavy introspection to get to that point. However, I'm glad I had the experiences I did, even though it was pretty rough at times, because they made me a better person and shaped me for the future.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#155

Post by joatmon-snoo »

marknutter wrote: post #8

I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…

As a current uni student, this was an absolutely terrifying realization. Still don't think the reality of it has hit me yet.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#156

Post by agumonkey »

rprospero wrote: post #20
marknutter wrote: post #8

I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…

I'd say that the realization that you are the only person who is responsible for you is only half-way there. I'd say that full adulthood realization is that you are the only person responsible for you, but you are still responsible for other people . The reason I say that is I've know individuals who have taken the first mantra to mean that they hold no responsibilities to other people. That it is, in a reductio ad a…

It's a balancing act. As a kid the group has a natural reaction to support you, they like it because you're a kid and you like it because that's how it's been since you started to breath.

Depending on the person, it can be hard to sense how much it is part of your life, but at one point the adult around won't feel as good to support you, they also realize you are 'like them' and should be able to deal with it and they don't have to bear your cross. You also start to empathize a lot more with people and don't feel good whining or asking for help too much as you see that they faced and face the same issue. So the situation level out, or it should.

ps: btw, I really wish society would spend a little more time conveying this information. It has very large implications in you and your loved ones life. I also believe that previous eras and/or societies had a clearer path (rites of passage) whereas right now it feels like an existential free-market where you're too easily able to wander around for too long instead of swallowing the pill.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#157

Post by tinalumfoil »

> “Chronological age is not a particularly good indicator [of maturity], but it’s something we need to do for practical purposes,”

This may be anecdotal, but I've found a very strong association between age and maturity in my life, especially under 25. If you were to do a blind chat with a 10, 15, 20 and 25 year old do you really believe you wouldn't be able to place them accordingly?

But maybe this is just my own biases deluding me. I'd like to think I'm a better man than I was 5 years ago, and will continue to be a better one 5 years in the future. Then again, is maturity really defined as being "a better (wo)man", because according to dictionary.com it's defined by age.

Either way I'd be curious for that professor's full quote. Maybe if we could replace "[maturity]" with what she actually said it would shed some insight on what exactly we're talking about.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#158

Post by agumonkey »

intopieces wrote: post #33
rprospero wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'd say that the realization that you are the only person who is responsible for you is only half-way there. I'd say that full adulthood realization is that you are the only person responsible for you, but you are still responsible for other people . The reason I say that is I've know individuals who have taken the first mantra to mean that they hold no responsibilities to other people. That it is, in a reductio ad a…

> but you are still responsible for other people. I couldn't disagree with this any more. I've spent years and years of my life trying to be responsible for other people, trying to make their lives the way I thought they 'should' be -- helping people find jobs, encouraging them to do x/y/z. I'd come into people's lives and it'd be like I walked into an old house: "Let's just fix this here, and that there, and pretty…

Reminiscent of the teaching someone to fish. Sometimes I believe mocking was nature's social device to make people reconsider and change their life.

It's also easy to give a hand because you're stuck in your own life. (not implying that was your case, but the actual act is similar)

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#159

Post by peter303 »

I couldnt wait to get out and go to college. On my 18th birthday I left, was totally financially for myself. I lived on my own, could legally drink, vote and sign contracts. It was no big deal and I never looked back.

Re: When Are You Really an Adult?

#160

Post by wglb »

Bah. I think the question itself is silly.

The whole topic is centered around Adulthood is a social construct. For that matter, so is childhood. And, at some level, you should realize the classification is, well, hogwash.

I first drove a truck when I was 11. My dad drove tractor all summer starting when he was 9. The 3 year old in Dune killed dying enemy soldiers when 3. These are all presumably adult activities. I substantially took care of a farm at the age of 12.

If you are lucky enough to figure out who you are at a young age, the rest is semi-interesting narrative.

Forget the classifications that others would impose on you. Do what you love, and the rest will sort itself out.

I once had the following conversation with my daughter, i think when she was 15. I said, a bit tongue in cheek, "Be patient with your parents, as they are only now catching up to the notion of who you are, or were, and know they will know no more about you or your life than you did when you were six." She gave a silent smile.

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