You are an adult when every single day consists of doing things you do not want to do. You just do them. Either because you must, or because you have responsibilty or guilt.
When Are You Really an Adult?
101–110 of 206 posts
Re: When Are You Really an Adult?
#102The problem with the Atlantic is that it takes them so long "to land the plane." Always terribly long articles. What I got from it is that 18-year olds, or not really adults, should not be going to war since their full brain development is about 5-years away.
Re: When Are You Really an Adult?
#103Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'd say that the realization that you are the only person who is responsible for you is only half-way there. I'd say that full adulthood realization is that you are the only person responsible for you, but you are still responsible for other people . The reason I say that is I've know individuals who have taken the first mantra to mean that they hold no responsibilities to other people. That it is, in a reductio ad a…
Maybe this is better stated as: you are still responsible for your effects on other people . You don't need to feel responsibility for every little thing everyone else does, but to the extent that you hurt someone else, it's on you to make it right.
I like this MUCH better, you are responsible for yourself and the results of the choices you make and actions you take. That combination, once internalized, qualifies you to be an adult.
As a parent consider seeking out activities for your kids that will give them an opportunity to live that experience (ideally in a safe way) so that they will understand what is expected of them.
Re: When Are You Really an Adult?
#104I'm barely an adult. Partly because of my bad childhood where I wasn't accepted by my parents and peers as trans. And partly my fault for not getting my proverbial head out of my own ass (therapy, transitioning, finishing my grad degree). Now at 35 I'm just growing up. And I don't mean the basic stuff like keeping a budget and showing up for work doing a good job. I'm talking about making my own circle of friends, actually being me (gender transition), and not being so craven to get outside of my comfort zone. It just seems to me adulthood is that one thing you can't ever be prepared for either. >_> /rant
Re: When Are You Really an Adult?
#105I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…
I like this definition. Anecdote time.
My great-grandfather left his home at the age of 12 to work in a coal mine and send money home to his mother. I'd say he was as much an adult as any college grad today.
My wife's grandpa managed a dairy farm. He got sick once when my wife's dad was 10 years old. Her dad milked the cows so her grandpa could rest and get over his illness. He hasn't stopped milking cows twice a day for 50 years. I'd say he was an adult at 10.
My dad was taught to work like a man from an early age, but was also taught to drink to excess. I remember when he got his last DUI. I was about 11 years old. I'd say that was when he finished growing up.
The dividing line between childhood and adulthood for me is a total blur between the ages of 18 and 28.
Re: When Are You Really an Adult?
#106I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…
I can't help but feel that I'm doing this right now.
Hmmm, I wonder if it's possible to come to this realization just by thinking about it, and not having to hit rock bottom.
HMMM
Re: When Are You Really an Adult?
#107Earlier quoted context omitted.
Yeah, definitely send that kid out as soon as they can walk. They have equal rights, and you should not live for them. Throw your elderly mother off into the streets too. Don't even bother walking her to the nursing home, that's her own problem. You do not live for her and it was certainly her problem she lived for you when you yourself were a kid. It's about balance as an adult.
Love is selfish, I take care of my loved ones for selfish reasons and it feels good. It makes them feel good as well, to be loved by someone who wants them to feel good, not to please them, not to please my family, not to do what my culture wants or out of guilt but to be loved sincerely, because it make me feel good. Taking care of them is taking care of myself.
What you described is called being responsible for yourself and others, and responsible feels good, because it is good, by good meaning having utility, as determined by natural processes.
I don't like your previous comment because it can mislead people into doing something irresponsible even when it doesn't feel good because they think they should only be responsible for themselves and not others.
Re: When Are You Really an Adult?
#108Earlier quoted context omitted.
My husband and I have a joint bank account. I still don't feel that money he earns is my money.
But do you feel like the money you earn is "yours" then? I think maybe that's the disconnect. I don't feel the money I earn "belongs to me". Same for my wife. I don't set my own priorities and budgets. We discuss them. We're definitely not perfect, and I've definitely bought things that irked her and vice versa. But the joint account means just that. Unless it comes in a birthday card or something, money goes in to a…
No, I'm cool with sharing my money, and having a concept of our money. I'm just not cool with being incapable of making my own money. Put it any way you want, but it makes you dependent.
I think it's not an accident that every person I know that is not making their own money is frustrated because of it. Again it might be just my cultural conditioning, or my personality, not sure.
Re: When Are You Really an Adult?
#109Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'd say that the realization that you are the only person who is responsible for you is only half-way there. I'd say that full adulthood realization is that you are the only person responsible for you, but you are still responsible for other people . The reason I say that is I've know individuals who have taken the first mantra to mean that they hold no responsibilities to other people. That it is, in a reductio ad a…
> but you are still responsible for other people. I couldn't disagree with this any more. I've spent years and years of my life trying to be responsible for other people, trying to make their lives the way I thought they 'should' be -- helping people find jobs, encouraging them to do x/y/z. I'd come into people's lives and it'd be like I walked into an old house: "Let's just fix this here, and that there, and pretty…
Perhaps another way of interpreting that statement is that you are responsible for not imposing yourself on other people. Assuming "other people" to mean any member of the human race, your interpretation would seem to mean "you are responsible for everyone you have any relationship with or to", which I don't think is what the parent commenter meant.
Some are suggesting that responsibility for others is implied within a family relationship (spouses, children, elderly parents), but I disagree with this interpretation as it would exclude anyone without those relational ties from being recognized socially as an adult. I'm sure there are orphaned, spouse-less, childless people out there whom we would socially consider adults.
Re: When Are You Really an Adult?
#110Earlier quoted context omitted.
This is hilarious. But do you realize you're implying that women can't be adults? The discussion sounds a lot like 'when do you become a man' than it does 'when do you become an adult.' For instance, most women throughout history were financially dependent on their husband. They would not make independent decisions. They were not solely responsible. Did that mean they weren't adults? The 20-30% of women who still bec…
Are you serious? Disregarding the fact that it was never stated what sex the poster was... They said "I'll never feel like an adult". Emphasis on I'LL and FEEL. Not NOBODY, or EVERYONE, nor IS or BE. I'LL FEEL. Completely personal question, to a completely subjective answer -- yet you came here and contort their response in some misguided attempt to be upset with someone on the Internet so you can feel something. Com…
I was actually laughing out loud because I thought the image of him not feeling like an adult because of his patchy beard was very comical.
You (and other posters) are the ones being all touchy. I've got 14 downvotes for pointing out the paraplegic/housewife angle.
HN is not too friendly toward basic philosophical inquiries!