For me, feeling like an adult means feeling more like myself. It's like there's a core being of who I am, independent of all other factors, which becomes more prominent over time. I suppose it's tangential to the current top post - "when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you".
When Are You Really an Adult?
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Re: When Are You Really an Adult?
#22I've frequently thought this over the past few years, and I feel like the conclusion I have is different than others in this thread. I don't becoming an adult is really about you, exactly. It's not about your independence, or your actions. It's about when other people become dependent on you. I think this is the way that it has long been thought of in cultures outside of the post-Enlightenment West. This was my stron…
"Adulthood isn't about you, it's about your relationship to others."
Love it!
Re: When Are You Really an Adult?
#23I'm approaching 40. I've never been "aimless", and while I can definitely increase how often I take responsibility, I'm doing well. I own a house, am married, taking care of my mother, employed, socking money away in a 401k (probably not fast enough, but it's happening). ...and I've never felt like an adult. I can have the weird dichotomy of having friends young enough to have missed everything I relate to my childho…
I'm in a similar boat as your. My Mom put it the best a few years ago: "Son, I may be in my 60s, but my mind is always in my late 20s."
You do toggle between different ages, wearing different adult hats depending on situations and people dealt on hands. But everyone's baseline mind is in their late 20s.
At least, that's what I gather from talking to people. :)
Re: When Are You Really an Adult?
#24I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…
What about people suffering from any mental illness that would seriously hamper their ability to take responsibilities or reach financial independence ? I am thinking of non episodic depression, phobias preventing doing anything that is performance related, etc.
There comes a time when they are alone in front of the mirror and yet will be unable to act upon it because of circumstances outside their immediate control.
Maybe it's a bit far fetched and is an edge case though.
Re: When Are You Really an Adult?
#25When you own a tarp.
Re: When Are You Really an Adult?
#26Adulthood is defined by extreme personal responsibility.
I didn't consider making a baby adulthood, or getting a $100k/year job to be adulthood. If anything, I was _less_ responsible for my own actions (ballooning to 360lbs), because I started focusing on the things I _had_ to do, and let my personal development stop due to not having time.
Oddly, I realized and _grasped_ the concept that I had to take responsibility for my actions at around 19. But thinking that I had to check these checkboxes off my "Steps to Adulthood" list, I put off everything else in order to achieve it. I didn't actually achieve adulthood from that path, I just had the trappings and appearance of adulthood. But I was still about 13 years old inside.
I didn't consider myself an adult until the second time I made a judge run out of the courtroom (I declared a de jure court mid-sentencing after serving him notice of that right). The actual reason is less than relevant, but it was the taking control of my potential, and using it responsibly to help someone else, that brought me to adulthood.
Re: When Are You Really an Adult?
#27I remember 26 yo as a turning point for me and most friends around. Not a total change in personality, but we stopped acting like crazy hooligans. OTOH, almost doubling that age, I still feel a little less naive each year.
Re: When Are You Really an Adult?
#28I'm 30, married, have 4 kids (with one on the way), own a house, and have a good job. But I cannot grow a mustache or beard, except for a small patch under my chin; the best I can do is literally a neck beard. I'll never feel like an adult. Ever.
grow a goatee.
Re: When Are You Really an Adult?
#29I hold that there is one very specific moment that signifies the transition from childhood into adulthood that is universal for all people – the moment you first realize that when it comes down to it, you are the only person who is responsible for you . That eventually, the charity of others will run out and all that will be left is your own reflection staring back at you, at which point you will need to decide wheth…
I'm 29 and apparently have been an adult for about 3 years.
Sounds about right.
Re: When Are You Really an Adult?
#30I'm 30, married, have 4 kids (with one on the way), own a house, and have a good job. But I cannot grow a mustache or beard, except for a small patch under my chin; the best I can do is literally a neck beard. I'll never feel like an adult. Ever.
This is hilarious. But do you realize you're implying that women can't be adults?
The discussion sounds a lot like 'when do you become a man' than it does 'when do you become an adult.'
For instance, most women throughout history were financially dependent on their husband. They would not make independent decisions. They were not solely responsible.
Did that mean they weren't adults?
The 20-30% of women who still become stay at home moms... they can't grow a beard... they are dependent on their husband or parents for money...