The After-Work Email Quandry

>> there's at least some anecdotal evidence that workers are not always working at work

>This made me go look up whether hypobole (dramatic understatement) is a word yet.

Well... Is it?

No - http://dictionary.reference.com/misspelling?term=hypobole&s=...

Yes - http://www.thefreedictionary.com/Hypobole

No - http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/spellcheck/english/?q=hypo...

Was it really needed to send that email at that time, or it was something that could have been sent first time in the morning?* And, where you already committed to work on something else next morning so the only/most-convenient time slot available was late the night before?

I don't know you, so I cannot in good faith accuse you of anything. But maybe if you reflected on your ambivalence towards work-life balance, you'd find the kernels for personal growth in there. Let me explain myself.

Speaking in general terms, there is a psychological phenomenon called the double-bind. It happens when a parent or authority figure states some expectation verbally but then subtly undermine it with his/her actions. i.e. I can chastise my kids for spending "too much time in front of screens", but then never have time to take them to play outdoors, or come back home and either keep working or root myself in front of TV, or buy them a video-game to reward some special achievement.

The root cause of the problem in this case would be my own unresolved feelings towards electronic entertainment, which I enjoy a little too much and I am aware to be not quite healthy. But from the point of view of my children's psyche, the situation is much more destructive: each of them can either embrace the label of "coach potato", absorb all the guilt from my chastising, but keep enjoying screens as a hidden pleasure; or they can try to live up to the impossible ideals I've set up for them and embrace the label of "troublemaker", because enjoying some healthy outdoors activity inside the house will invariably end up causing a bunch of disruption, nuisance and the occasional accident.

What they cannot ever dare is to say: "Hey Dad, you always say we should play more outdoors. Turn that gadget off and take us to the park", because if they do I will burst in anger. We all face some of this while growing up, and most of us learn to turn a blind eye to some intractable problems. In the most pathological cases, though, the children can grow up with a shattered sense of reality and develop serious psychiatric problems when they face the correct triggers in their adult lives (I have read, though I have not the reference now, that the double bind was fist discovered by the military while investigating the clinic histories of veterans who had gone into full-fledged schizophrenia instead of the more common PTSD).

What I am trying to say while I have read about this phenomenon from the point of view of development psychology, I have observed the same patterns of interaction in the workplace a few times. In those cases, we are all adults, so there is probably no risk of anyone's mental health; but lot's of needless stress comes from the unspeakable hot buttons, the packs of elephants that dwell in corporate rooms all over the world.

This is my opinion as well.

There are a few sides to this.

One is, yes, a lack of imagination.

But too: it's exceedingly difficult to find something that you can devote yourself to given the demands of work. A 9-5, 40-hour week is bad enough, but the norm for many, particularly in the tech world, is 50-60 hours or more. Commute, sleep, and other activities tie up yet more time. If you're following guidelines to stay fit, that's other hour, or several hours per week (though time I consider well spent). Obligations to a partner, children, or elder parents can be extensive. If you're in a high cost-of-living city such as San Francisco, New York, or London, you've got very little space to call your own.

The time and space it takes to cultivate a meaningful alternative activity is difficult to come by.

We're awash with messages from advertising and media which further pollute our heads and distract.

And the work many of us do is itself largely mental -- it requires prolonged exposure and deep understanding, and tends to follow you around. Inspiration is as likely to strike in the shower as at your desk.

Given all of this, you're far more likely to be primed to be in "work mode", to understand a quick query or email, and even quite possibly appreciate its distraction from whatever it is that surrounds you.

I'm not saying this is a good thing at all. I don't believe that for a second. Unless your work is exceptionally gratifying and you're the very rare soul who's doing something actually useful for the world, you're far better off with downtime and the ability to get away from it.

But it does explain much of the psychology behind why the behavior is so appealing, and why creating more compelling alternatives so difficult.

My away from computer hobby is cycling, I get to combine staying fit with something I love doing and occasionally ride with a local club which fits the social side as well (coffee,cake and a chat after 60 miles is awesome).

It is hard to find time to do stuff sometimes though.