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Ask HN: Discuss burnout with boss?

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Re: Ask HN: Discuss burnout with boss?

#11

Post by burp3141 »

My manager and I had a 10 year relationship going. I had just transitioned to a new role, had a new born and taken on too much. I was feeling it for 6 months but finally broke at around 9 months. I told him I couldn't do it anymore and that I wanted a sabbatical. I told them that my backup plan was to just quit.

He talked me off the ledge and within a day had transitioned my troublesome projects to others and moved me to a four day work week to recover. He had to run this by manager's three levels up, do an insane amount of HR paperwork (fulltime -> not fulltime, pro-rated salary adjustment, etc.). All this happened in a space of two days.

I stayed on a four day week for a couple of months. It was magical. He retained my reduced workload when I came back full time.

His first comment when I initially cracked - "you should have come to me sooner".

The quick reaction, sympathy and support I got cemented my loyalty to an outstanding manager.I'm still here a couple of years later.

Re: Ask HN: Discuss burnout with boss?

#12

Post by davemel37 »

chadnickbok wrote: post #5
davemorro wrote: post #2

I'm always a fan of being honest and authentic. Your mileage may vary depending on your boss's personality and attitude to work/life though. Previously I've recommended that in your next touchbase (you're having them right?) simply let your boss know that you're feeling burnt out and as a result not being as productive as you can be for the company and happy for yourself. One would hope your manager wants both things…

My fear is that some managers take this as a sign they need to think about replacing someone - I'd be really careful about taking this option unless I had a really great personal relationship with my manager.

>my fear is...

If ever there was an indication that you should be courageous and do something uncomfortable, it's when you are afraid of being honest.

In this case it is a win-win even if you lose your job. If you are a)burnt out, and b)have a boss that doesn't recognize the healthy and happy employees are more productive and valuable than starting over from scratch with a new hire...then you not only are you just speeding up the inevitable departure and moving quicker to a healthier and happier place, but there is also a decent chance you are burnt out partially because you have a boss that doesn't belong in a position of managing others.

Re: Ask HN: Discuss burnout with boss?

#13

Post by angersock »

chadnickbok wrote: post #5
davemorro wrote: post #2

I'm always a fan of being honest and authentic. Your mileage may vary depending on your boss's personality and attitude to work/life though. Previously I've recommended that in your next touchbase (you're having them right?) simply let your boss know that you're feeling burnt out and as a result not being as productive as you can be for the company and happy for yourself. One would hope your manager wants both things…

My fear is that some managers take this as a sign they need to think about replacing someone - I'd be really careful about taking this option unless I had a really great personal relationship with my manager.

It's not getting replaced--it's an opportunity to escape.

Re: Ask HN: Discuss burnout with boss?

#14

Post by pixelmonkey »

First, you definitely want to discuss this with your boss rather than just quitting. It sounds like you like the company you're working for, but you're just feeling the effects of burnout. Here are some questions for you:

1. how long have you been at the company?

2. what is different about the work you did this year vs the first year you worked at the company?

3. who at the company seems similarly burned out to you? have you tried talking to that peer about burnout and what the root causes might be (e.g. projects, technologies, pressure from business, etc.) before taking it to your boss?

4. do you think your boss is the kind of person who would welcome a frank discussion about this -- is he or she the kind of person that already talks about controlling for employee burnout and striving for work/life balance among staff on a regular basis?

Re: Ask HN: Discuss burnout with boss?

#15

Post by ThorArakis »

jtfairbank wrote: post #3

1. Quitting and finding a new job doing the same thing (dev I presume) might not solve the issues. It could lead to additional stressors that worsen the problem. 2. As an employer, make it easy for me! Be able to say what's going on matter-of-factly with a focus on how you feel and how it affects yourself. Don't focus on other people, now is not the time to air grievances within the team. Come up with a few options y…

I can't agree more with point 2. If you're looking for change without going to a new place then it's likely that your manager will be more then willing to try working with you. This is a tactic you should employ when approaching your manager with any type of grievance (interpersonal problems, project issues, etc). Coming up with potential solutions gives your manager something to begin enacting immediately. It also really reframes the discussion by showing that your a person looking to solve problems instead of just complaining.

Finally providing your own solutions also moves the locus of control internally. In my experience one possible contributor to burnout can be lack of empowerment.

Re: Ask HN: Discuss burnout with boss?

#16

Post by lvspiff »

burp3141 wrote: post #11

My manager and I had a 10 year relationship going. I had just transitioned to a new role, had a new born and taken on too much. I was feeling it for 6 months but finally broke at around 9 months. I told him I couldn't do it anymore and that I wanted a sabbatical. I told them that my backup plan was to just quit. He talked me off the ledge and within a day had transitioned my troublesome projects to others and moved m…

Thumbs up for this sorta reaction from managers. A boss should be a mentor and not someone you are afraid to go to, especially when times get rough.

Re: Ask HN: Discuss burnout with boss?

#17

Post by dman »

burp3141 wrote: post #11

My manager and I had a 10 year relationship going. I had just transitioned to a new role, had a new born and taken on too much. I was feeling it for 6 months but finally broke at around 9 months. I told him I couldn't do it anymore and that I wanted a sabbatical. I told them that my backup plan was to just quit. He talked me off the ledge and within a day had transitioned my troublesome projects to others and moved m…

This comment made me less cynical.

Re: Ask HN: Discuss burnout with boss?

#18

Post by jaredhansen »

I supervise developers. This is easy: talk to your boss. Either way, this solves your problem.

Outcome 1: it goes well. Your boss listens with empathy. Your boss works with you to find ways to help you feel better. You take some vacation or etc., and then come back to work feeling renewed. Success!

Outcome 2: it goes poorly. Your boss blows you off. Now you have an easy next step: Go find a better place to work (e.g., email me). Success!

Re: Ask HN: Discuss burnout with boss?

#19

Post by HelloNurse »

What are the reasons of your burnout, and is there a plausible way to recover without changing job? How much can your responsibilities, tasks, working environment etc. be altered? Improving your situation might be impossible, even if your boss and your colleagues care for your health.

Re: Ask HN: Discuss burnout with boss?

#20

Post by musesum »

falsedan wrote: post #8
chadnickbok wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My fear is that some managers take this as a sign they need to think about replacing someone - I'd be really careful about taking this option unless I had a really great personal relationship with my manager.

In the Bay Area, this chat triggers the Employee Retention Response Workflow.

I like how this response shifts the viewpoint from 1st person to 3rd person.
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