Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation • Hacker News Board

Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#81

Post by riffraff » Sat, Oct 17, 2015, 4:34 PM UTC

TelmoMenezes wrote: post #48

supercanuck wrote: post #14

You know what. Those parents got those kids into Stanford. Obviously helicopter parenting is working for them. 90% of the decisions people make are based on the environments they are in. Today's environment is extremely competitive and the margin for error is lower. Nobody wants to be the parent of the most mentally stable Starbucks Barista... Get them into Stanford, then they have the rest of their life to "fail"

> Today's environment is extremely competitive and the margin for error is lower. The margin for error is enormous, compared to previous generations. The probability that a mistake in life will lead you to die of starvation or cold is smaller than ever. What I think is happening is that global communication is leading to increased status neurosis. Before, you could compare your kids to the neighbors'. Now you can com…

> What I think is happening is that global communication is leading to increased status neurosis.

A thousand times this. There is also a growing body of research[0] that shows that social media make you feel worse cause you are exposed to a selection of what's good in other people's life. I suspect the same often applies to TV.

[0] which I have not read further than the news reports, so might be total bullshit, caveat emptor, but I am inclined to believe it based on my anecdotal experience.

Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#82

Post by bennylope » Sat, Oct 17, 2015, 4:35 PM UTC

ZanyProgrammer wrote: post #75

jon_dahl wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What a false dichotomy: Stanford or life as a service worker. Both Google and YC have stopped focusing on college prestige in their hiring/acceptance, because it wasn't a particularly strong indicator of success. I would much rather send healthy kids to a state school or liberal arts college than unhealthy kids to Stanford.

Better to be a Harvard dropout (Zuckerberg) than have a CS degree from Humboldt State.

Conflating one spectacular success with all [Harvard] dropouts is a silly comparison.

Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#83

Post by kec » Sat, Oct 17, 2015, 4:35 PM UTC

ZanyProgrammer wrote: post #75

jon_dahl wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What a false dichotomy: Stanford or life as a service worker. Both Google and YC have stopped focusing on college prestige in their hiring/acceptance, because it wasn't a particularly strong indicator of success. I would much rather send healthy kids to a state school or liberal arts college than unhealthy kids to Stanford.

Better to be a Harvard dropout (Zuckerberg) than have a CS degree from Humboldt State.

Is it? We know of two notably successful Harvard dropouts: Zuckerberg and Gates. While their success most likely hasn't been anywhere near as spectacular, I'm willing to bet you know dozens of successful people who graduated from state & small private universities.

Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#84

Post by seiji » Sat, Oct 17, 2015, 4:35 PM UTC

TelmoMenezes wrote: post #48

supercanuck wrote: post #14

You know what. Those parents got those kids into Stanford. Obviously helicopter parenting is working for them. 90% of the decisions people make are based on the environments they are in. Today's environment is extremely competitive and the margin for error is lower. Nobody wants to be the parent of the most mentally stable Starbucks Barista... Get them into Stanford, then they have the rest of their life to "fail"

> Today's environment is extremely competitive and the margin for error is lower. The margin for error is enormous, compared to previous generations. The probability that a mistake in life will lead you to die of starvation or cold is smaller than ever. What I think is happening is that global communication is leading to increased status neurosis. Before, you could compare your kids to the neighbors'. Now you can com…

Margin of error: go to Stanford, make the right connections, become a billionaire in 8 years versus go to a state school and work for the billionaires while making 1/5000th to 1/150000th as much as they do, yet you're doing all the work that makes them richer.

Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#85

Post by chrisgd » Sat, Oct 17, 2015, 4:36 PM UTC

japhyr wrote: post #60

chrisgd wrote: post #9

I believe there are two different things at work here. One is being an active parent and the other is helping your child develop grit[1] and I don't think they are mutually exclusive. At what age can I let my child walk to school by himself? It all depends on the child, neighborhood, and other characteristics. But if my son never walks to school by himself (elementary and middle), that doesn't mean he is going to fai…

The conversation about grit needs to be balanced by a careful critique of the work we're asking students to engage with. If a school has a great climate and academic rigor, then by all means develop resilience and grit in students. But if a school is giving largely meaningless busywork, that needs to be addressed before telling students to work hard. Here's a great critique of the current conversation about grit: - h…

Great, thanks for sharing.

Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#86

Post by FLUX-YOU » Sat, Oct 17, 2015, 4:37 PM UTC

TelmoMenezes wrote: post #48

supercanuck wrote: post #14

You know what. Those parents got those kids into Stanford. Obviously helicopter parenting is working for them. 90% of the decisions people make are based on the environments they are in. Today's environment is extremely competitive and the margin for error is lower. Nobody wants to be the parent of the most mentally stable Starbucks Barista... Get them into Stanford, then they have the rest of their life to "fail"

> Today's environment is extremely competitive and the margin for error is lower. The margin for error is enormous, compared to previous generations. The probability that a mistake in life will lead you to die of starvation or cold is smaller than ever. What I think is happening is that global communication is leading to increased status neurosis. Before, you could compare your kids to the neighbors'. Now you can com…

He's not really talking about mortal survival but social/career success, the consequences of error meaning you don't get to climb as high.

Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#87

Post by seiji » Sat, Oct 17, 2015, 4:37 PM UTC

dilap wrote: post #80

A self-correcting problem, since the next generation of kids will be left to fend for themselves by their helpless, helicoptered parents. :)

Yeah, there was a time when parents didn't even necessarily default to liking their children. Children were just additional labor for the family business, not the parent's hopes and dreams and failed aspirations and regrets walking around outside their body.

Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#88

Post by ZanyProgrammer » Sat, Oct 17, 2015, 4:37 PM UTC

kec wrote: post #83

ZanyProgrammer wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Better to be a Harvard dropout (Zuckerberg) than have a CS degree from Humboldt State.

Is it? We know of two notably successful Harvard dropouts: Zuckerberg and Gates. While their success most likely hasn't been anywhere near as spectacular, I'm willing to bet you know dozens of successful people who graduated from state & small private universities.

Both also had very upper middle/upper class backgrounds.

Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#89

Post by cJ0th » Sat, Oct 17, 2015, 4:39 PM UTC

I dunno. Whilst I don't endorse the idea of helicopter parenting I think it is hard to judge how it affects kids. Helicopter parenting could have been fatal for some one like Richard Branson. But most people are not Richard Branson. That kid who is going to be a middle manager will have a hard time competing with his fellow students when there is no parent helping him to the same extend as other parents do help their kids That is, s/he has to work harder as everyone else. Up to a degree that might be considered character building but at one point we might have syllabi that are involuntarily designed for students with helicopter parents so that grades are more normally distributed again. The student who is on his/her own will note make it.

Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#90

Post by wfo » Sat, Oct 17, 2015, 4:40 PM UTC

Dean complains about helicopter parents at Stanford and yet admissions essentially requires incoming students have helicopter parents. To get into a school like this you need to be exclusively focused on exactly the arbitrary criteria that will get you accepted into a school like this -- grades in the "right" classes, enough sports to talk about it in an essay but not too much, extracurricular and volunteer work at the "right" organizations, tutoring for the standardized exams. No teenager has a passion for SAT prep. If you stop pushing them and let them be human beings there are plenty of other children of helicopter parents who will be happy to take their place in the incoming Stanford class.