Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

washingtonpost.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

21–30 of 197 posts

Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#21

Post by munin »

supercanuck wrote: post #14

You know what. Those parents got those kids into Stanford. Obviously helicopter parenting is working for them. 90% of the decisions people make are based on the environments they are in. Today's environment is extremely competitive and the margin for error is lower. Nobody wants to be the parent of the most mentally stable Starbucks Barista... Get them into Stanford, then they have the rest of their life to "fail"

> Nobody wants to be the parent of the most mentally stable Starbucks Barista

here's an important question to ask yourself: if you had to choose, would you rather your children be kind, or smart?

Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#22

Post by crpatino »

supercanuck wrote: post #14

You know what. Those parents got those kids into Stanford. Obviously helicopter parenting is working for them. 90% of the decisions people make are based on the environments they are in. Today's environment is extremely competitive and the margin for error is lower. Nobody wants to be the parent of the most mentally stable Starbucks Barista... Get them into Stanford, then they have the rest of their life to "fail"

That's just stupid. What good will an Stanford education be for someone who puts a bullet through their heads within one year of being thrown in an hyper competitive corporate environment where there is no safety net to ensure that your every step will eventually lead to success?

I specially disliked the part about having the rest of their life to "fail". That's tautological of course, but it takes on a whole new dimension if the "rest" is measured in months instead of decades.

Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#23

Post by analog31 »

ThomPete wrote: post #19
supercanuck wrote: post #14

You know what. Those parents got those kids into Stanford. Obviously helicopter parenting is working for them. 90% of the decisions people make are based on the environments they are in. Today's environment is extremely competitive and the margin for error is lower. Nobody wants to be the parent of the most mentally stable Starbucks Barista... Get them into Stanford, then they have the rest of their life to "fail"

Getting your kids into Stanford has nothing to do with helicopter parenting and I think you are missing the bigger point. The failing that you do when you are 6 is very different from the one you do when you are 16 or 26, they all accumulate and you can't redo your childhood. The things you learn when you are 6 and 16 are closer to the competition you are in when you are out of Stanford. Getting in to stanford is not…

So, what happens to those kids after Stanford, e.g., the ones who get CS degrees but were helicopter-parented? How do they compare to the kids who were equally interested in computers but "allowed to fail," e.g., did not have sparkling resumes and were rejected by Stanford?

Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#24

Post by ryanmonroe »

munin wrote: post #21
supercanuck wrote: post #14

You know what. Those parents got those kids into Stanford. Obviously helicopter parenting is working for them. 90% of the decisions people make are based on the environments they are in. Today's environment is extremely competitive and the margin for error is lower. Nobody wants to be the parent of the most mentally stable Starbucks Barista... Get them into Stanford, then they have the rest of their life to "fail"

> Nobody wants to be the parent of the most mentally stable Starbucks Barista here's an important question to ask yourself: if you had to choose, would you rather your children be kind, or smart?

A kind idiot probably isn't of much use to society

Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#25

Post by a8da6b0c91d »

supercanuck wrote: post #14

You know what. Those parents got those kids into Stanford. Obviously helicopter parenting is working for them. 90% of the decisions people make are based on the environments they are in. Today's environment is extremely competitive and the margin for error is lower. Nobody wants to be the parent of the most mentally stable Starbucks Barista... Get them into Stanford, then they have the rest of their life to "fail"

The college admissions system has encouraged the arms race mentality. The SAT has been repeatedly reworked such that test prep works better. I really doubt involvement in the summer activities they apparently value indicates anything about qualification other than parental resources and involvement.

Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#26

Post by gotothrowaway »

Gotadime wrote: post #10
gotothrowaway wrote: post #5

Universities love to complain about needing to react to what parents are saying, but this seems like something they bring on themselves. With such expensive tuition, a student's choice of college often cannot be made independently, and parents feel like they are buying their right to hassle higher educators. I would love to see a world where students truly decide on their own university and the ability for parents to…

You just tried to spin a cultural issue (that is, by the way, highly tied to liberal thought) to support your liberal political agenda. These helicopter parents are the same people that protest when their kids don't get a trophy for losing a soccer game. The "no child left behind" / "no hurt feelings" / "safe place" crew. To say that more of their ideas will help to solve the very issue that they created is simply la…

"To say that more of their ideas will help to solve the very issue they created..."

I don't see how I did that.

I do appreciate your perspective that I spun a cultural issue to support my political agenda. I'd argue that I'm actually doing the opposite, but I agree I did nothing to make that clear

In all honesty, I've long thought that parental influence on college students' decisions - whether it be the choice of college itself or the concept of "helicopter parenting" within college - has the single greatest negative influence on top universities. Without a consistent "expected contribution" across colleges, cost is a dominant factor in the decision process, and we end up with students that don't necessarily want to be studying where they are. I loved my school, and while I felt bad for the kids who complained about being there because they had no choice, I often just wish they'd leave and stop dampening the culture. At top universities, it's similar to someone in YC constantly complaining that they have to try this pesky startup thing.

I also disagree that the effects have existed forever. I think it came with the cultural shift of helicopter parenting, and parents generally making more decisions for their children.

Ultimately though, I support the Bernie Sanders bill because I think it's an interesting way to try and resolve the negative impacts of the cultural shift. It's a bit like using a sledgehammer to drive a nail, but I'm not one to complain about free college (and I do think free public tuition will extend to the private sector, especially quickly at the top university level)

Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#28

Post by meow_mix »

supercanuck wrote: post #14

You know what. Those parents got those kids into Stanford. Obviously helicopter parenting is working for them. 90% of the decisions people make are based on the environments they are in. Today's environment is extremely competitive and the margin for error is lower. Nobody wants to be the parent of the most mentally stable Starbucks Barista... Get them into Stanford, then they have the rest of their life to "fail"

So now getting into a top college is more important than being a functional person? Failing when your an adult is more than getting a bruised knee: It's getting stuck in a job you hate, ending up in a bad marriage and becoming sick/obese because you don't know how to take care of yourself. All of those things happen because people don't know what works for them. The reason they don't know that is because other people have told them how to live their entire lives.

Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#30

Post by scrollaway »

ryanmonroe wrote: post #24
munin wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Nobody wants to be the parent of the most mentally stable Starbucks Barista here's an important question to ask yourself: if you had to choose, would you rather your children be kind, or smart?

A kind idiot probably isn't of much use to society

Neither is a smart asshole. How useful to society are those who try to leech money off it in the most efficient ways possible? (I'm talking charlatans and certain branches of banking)
Post reply on HN