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Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

washingtonpost.com

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Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#3

Post by 6d0debc071 »

It seems a bit rich for the Dean of an educational institution that demanded, during her tenure and after, the sort of qualifications and CVs that encourage this behaviour to protest it. If you don't want it around, stop providing the incentive for it.

Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#5

Post by gotothrowaway »

Universities love to complain about needing to react to what parents are saying, but this seems like something they bring on themselves. With such expensive tuition, a student's choice of college often cannot be made independently, and parents feel like they are buying their right to hassle higher educators. I would love to see a world where students truly decide on their own university and the ability for parents to affect the day-to-day of a university is drastically reduced. To me, this is the most interesting aspect of the push for free college.

Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#6

Post by hubridnoxx »

6d0debc071 wrote: post #3

It seems a bit rich for the Dean of an educational institution that demanded, during her tenure and after, the sort of qualifications and CVs that encourage this behaviour to protest it. If you don't want it around, stop providing the incentive for it.

Of course it's not quite so binary. The dean wants a strong applicant pool as well as to dissuade helicopter parenting. I don't believe it's a contradictory stance she's taking.

Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#8

Post by austenallred »

gotothrowaway wrote: post #5

Universities love to complain about needing to react to what parents are saying, but this seems like something they bring on themselves. With such expensive tuition, a student's choice of college often cannot be made independently, and parents feel like they are buying their right to hassle higher educators. I would love to see a world where students truly decide on their own university and the ability for parents to…

I don't think it has as much to do with parents paying for college as it does the fact that it's an almost-requirement to have a parent paving the way for the vast majority of kids to make it into a Stanford. Normal human beings don't exhibit the level of dedication required, but parents know they can set their kids up for life if they remove a lot of the obstacles. It's not surprising to me that pattern doesn't stop.

Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#9

Post by chrisgd »

I believe there are two different things at work here. One is being an active parent and the other is helping your child develop grit[1] and I don't think they are mutually exclusive.

At what age can I let my child walk to school by himself? It all depends on the child, neighborhood, and other characteristics. But if my son never walks to school by himself (elementary and middle), that doesn't mean he is going to fail in the face of adversity.

Grit is about not saying "good job" all the time and instead saying thing like "you worked hard". You need to teach your children to embrace failure as the best way to learn.

I see this in myself. I walked to school by myself, wasn't really helicopter parented, but found school very easy and breezed through everything and was never challenged. When I faced real challenges, I had a hard time learning how to overcome them.

I don't know what kind of parent I will end up being, my son is only 3, but I can see myself being very involved in his life and decisions and making sure he is safe. It will be hard to balance between being involved and being a helicopter, but I think helping him embrace failure is the greatest thing I can do.

[1] http://mindsetonline.com/abouttheauthor/ - It is ironic that the leading researcher in this field is at Stanford.

Re: Former Stanford dean explains why helicopter parenting is ruining a generation

#10

Post by Gotadime »

gotothrowaway wrote: post #5

Universities love to complain about needing to react to what parents are saying, but this seems like something they bring on themselves. With such expensive tuition, a student's choice of college often cannot be made independently, and parents feel like they are buying their right to hassle higher educators. I would love to see a world where students truly decide on their own university and the ability for parents to…

You just tried to spin a cultural issue (that is, by the way, highly tied to liberal thought) to support your liberal political agenda. These helicopter parents are the same people that protest when their kids don't get a trophy for losing a soccer game. The "no child left behind" / "no hurt feelings" / "safe place" crew. To say that more of their ideas will help to solve the very issue that they created is simply laughable.

I don't disagree with you that competition for admission and cost of tuition probably do have some effect on this issue. But those effects have always existed in the higher education system and only more recently has this issue popped up. This isn't an issue of politics or economics. This is an issue of culture and parenting philosophy. Not everything can be solved with a Bernie Sanders bill. Some things require actual introspection on an individual level. Some things require a criticism of our own thoughts and ideas.

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