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Ask HN: Dealing with a Toxic Co-Worker

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Re: Ask HN: Dealing with a Toxic Co-Worker

#31

Post by wisty »

Is it possible they actually need a guy like this, because there really are an unmanageable number of cock-ups? If so, it might be a symptom of deeper organizational problems. They're hiring a head-kicker and a fire-fighter.

So you can leave (because you don't really want to work in an organization that needs that kind of intervention).

Or you can speak to the co-worker, and try to come up with strategies for fixing shit. It doesn't sound like he's just angry (otherwise management wouldn't have his back), it sounds like he's angry at actual problem. Try to get him focused on the problems that can be fixed (see the Joel test?), not ones that can't (people issues).

Try to get him to focus on the process, not the people.

Or just leave. It's possible he's just an asshole.

Re: Ask HN: Dealing with a Toxic Co-Worker

#32

Post by calibraxis »

Some info missing:

- Does your team lack the ability to healthily self-critique, with the goal of improvement?

- Are your coworker's criticisms usually right?

- Do they dominate discussions so others can't get a word in edgewise, or are they an active listener?

- What do other coworkers do/think about your coworker?

If you can get a healthy process in place to self-critique, with action points... and where everyone has the ability to speak (with a facilitator who tries to understand why some people aren't speaking), that's a possible solution. That provides a constructive vent for your coworker's critiques.

This book is the best I know at discussing team dysfunction: http://model-view-culture.myshopify.com/products/your-startu...

Re: Ask HN: Dealing with a Toxic Co-Worker

#33

Post by [deleted] »

vcool07 wrote: post #22

well, this is what helped when I faced a similar siutation : 1. I took the guy who offended me to an informal cup of coffee and discussed about the situation. 2. Instead of confronting him, I explained my perspective and sought out his guidance to help me out. It did help me in two ways : 1. The other person realized that I'm another human being just like him and not some "ideal code cranking robot" that he expected…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: Dealing with a Toxic Co-Worker

#35

Post by monk_e_boy »

wisty wrote: post #31

Is it possible they actually need a guy like this, because there really are an unmanageable number of cock-ups? If so, it might be a symptom of deeper organizational problems. They're hiring a head-kicker and a fire-fighter. So you can leave (because you don't really want to work in an organization that needs that kind of intervention). Or you can speak to the co-worker, and try to come up with strategies for fixing…

> Or just leave.

I've worked a few jobs where a manager has left or been moved. Within six months almost all of the team has left. People leave due to conflicts of personality and or changing work styles. This is normal.

Re: Ask HN: Dealing with a Toxic Co-Worker

#36

Post by meerita »

I experienced the same in my company.

How I solved it:

1. Confrontation. 2. Talking to managers and tell them I would leave. 3. Giving him the attention and greet him when he wanted to do something good. 4. Hear his opinion. 5. Remind him my role when power argument arise. 6. Indifference and segregation also worked well. The company started to avoid him.

If none of these calm him, then I would simply leave. There´s no need to gift life and sanity for a jerk.

Re: Ask HN: Dealing with a Toxic Co-Worker

#38

Post by kabdib »

Don't go to HR. Don't go to HR. Don't go to HR.

HR is not there for you. HR is there for the company. Expect the worst if you go to HR and ask for any help. Doing this will immediately politicize the situation, making you the "bad guy" and you'll be on the defensive trying to save your job so fast your head will be spinning.

This has been true at every company I have worked at. HR might be a fine ombudsman at your company, but this would be an exception that I have never seen.

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