Ask HN: Dealing with a Toxic Co-Worker

How do you deal with a toxic developer co-worker?

I've been working with one for some time now, and I'm really tired of it. I just don't know what I should do. Moving on and finding another job is something I only want to consider as a last resort, and I am afraid that if I do nothing, then I see no alternative, on the other side, I feel like if I do something, I may be forced to move on.

Background: The employee is quite capable, and they were hired in as a top developer. Our manager respects their opinion about technical matters, and is a thought leader on how we should build our applications. The employee's biggest issue is their personality. They constantly belittle other employees, usually to a coworker after they have left their office, when this employee dislikes work they have done. Anytime someone screws up in the organization that person is an idiot or worse. For someone who is supposed to be a technical leader, they set a poor example for other developers to follow.

This person is favored by our manager because they get things done when there is pressure. I know this employee has been counseled by our manager on more than one occasion. Afterwards, his attitude improves for a few weeks before falling back into old habits.

I am just not sure what to do. I have a few options.

1. I could speak directly with my manager. I am concerned about this, because my manager has a big mouth, and I cannot trust that my complaint would be 100% confidential

2. I could go above my manager. Probably not an option here. My manager and his boss are close. I think it would make things even worse

3. File a complaint with HR. This seems like the best option, but I have my reservations about going down this route.

4. Just leave. I would really rather not do this. I do enjoy most of my job, and I worry that the grass may not be greener on the other side.

5. Shut up and do nothing about it. Is an option but I would still feel miserable.

I had a programming job that had a toxic environment. I could not leave because I had a house and family. It was during the Dotcom busts so finding a job was difficult to impossible. I worked for a law firm that didn't value their IT workers. While I wrote programs that saved them millions of dollars a year by eliminating waste and missing court dockets was eliminated by writing a docket calendar, they would only go by how much money we earned and how long it took to get projects done.

A lot of the programmers rushed their code so it was sloppy and crashed the system and take down the database. I had to fix those programs and also work on my own programs. I got assigned Legacy Software Support and anything that broke became Legacy Software and assigned to me. I had over 134 projects to work on and had tight deadlines.

I ended up stressed out and on short-term disability, and when I returned to work and had a panic attack I was fired for not snapping out of it. I ended up on disability.

My best advice for you is to learn how to manage stress, no matter where you work there will always be a toxic element to it. The better a programmer the bigger the ego they have in some cases. Sure it is hard to get along with a jerk that management likes and is fire-proof. But if you can change your reactions and manage your stress better you can deal with it better. Don't make the mistake I did and let it get to you to the point that you make yourself sick.

I don't think going to HR is the right approach. HR works for management, and they're much more likely to side with your manager (who likes toxic-guy) than you. Also, it doesn't sound like toxic-guy's behavior breaks any laws, so HR might prefer to ignore him since he poses no legal threat to the company. They could just throw the problem back at you and tell you to work it out between yourselves. Or you could end up getting branded as a "troublemaker".

Similarly, your manager's boss is much more likely to side with your manager than with you. And complaining to your own manager may backfire if he values toxic-guy more than you (which seems to be the case).

So I'd suggest that if it really bothers you, start looking for a new job. Otherwise, ignore it. If your manager is already talking to him about his behavior, he might eventually improve his attitude.

For more on HR's role in a company, you might want to read this book (which I read after it was recommended a while back by someone else on HN):

Corporate Confidential: 50 Secrets Your Company Doesn't Want You to Know---and What to Do About Them

By Cynthia Shapiro

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0312337361

My advice, to take with appropriate salt: Leave.

It's a seller's market for people with your skills right now. There's no guarantee that you'll find a new environment that doesn't have one of these cancer-in-the-locker-room culture killers, but they're not quite as common as you're fearing.

It's not just this one employee that's the problem, it's that the bad apple, the manager, and the manager's manager are all knitted together into a situation that you can't break, which is making you "miserable". You may not like the idea of leaving. But, given the information you've provided, it is your best option. (Or, maybe your least-worst option.)

How big is your organization? Is it possible for you to switch teams to get away from this guy and is that something you'd be interested in doing?