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Better and worse ways to spot a liar

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Re: Better and worse ways to spot a liar

#101

Post by casion »

wpietri wrote: post #100
casion wrote: post #94

These sort of things really bother me, because they cause me a lot of trouble. I am really uncomfortable in front of people, and no matter how honest I am, I am show my discomfort in interacting with people quite a lot. I look around the room while talking to people, I shuffle around, sometimes I sweat just talking about the weather... I have social anxiety obviously, but it's awkward to start a conversation with any…

Yeah, I used to struggle with social anxiety a fair bit, so this is familiar to me. It's true that many liars are anxious, because they're afraid of getting caught. But I became afraid of getting falsely accused, which tended to make me anxious at exactly the same times liars would be. Which in turn would trigger a wave of anxiety about the pattern, making me excruciatingly aware of the whole mess, making me yet more…

Yeah, I have this feedback loop as well. When put in a position of thinking that someone is evaluating whether I'm telling the truth or not, I become fearful that they will falsely think I'm lying... then the loop begins.

I think that the irony is that if I wanted to lie, I could probably get away with it since I give off such mixed signals when saying _anything_. True or false, I just fall apart.

Re: Better and worse ways to spot a liar

#102

Post by kenjackson »

adekok wrote: post #53

There are ways to work around this. The key is to not lie, but to tell a different truth. I used to do this in high school, when my parents were grilling me. Friday night: go out with quiet friends. Saturday AM questioning: "How was your evening?" "Fine". "OK". Saturday night, go out with less quiet friends. :) The Sunday AM questioning was rather more rigorous. So I described what I did Friday. There were telling he…

Seems like this would leave you open to date inconsistencies... "Oh, that's weird, I saw that they closed the theatre last night due to a water leak -- how did you watch a movie at it?"

Re: Better and worse ways to spot a liar

#103

Post by wpietri »

casion wrote: post #101
wpietri wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, I used to struggle with social anxiety a fair bit, so this is familiar to me. It's true that many liars are anxious, because they're afraid of getting caught. But I became afraid of getting falsely accused, which tended to make me anxious at exactly the same times liars would be. Which in turn would trigger a wave of anxiety about the pattern, making me excruciatingly aware of the whole mess, making me yet more…

Yeah, I have this feedback loop as well. When put in a position of thinking that someone is evaluating whether I'm telling the truth or not, I become fearful that they will falsely think I'm lying... then the loop begins. I think that the irony is that if I wanted to lie, I could probably get away with it since I give off such mixed signals when saying _anything_. True or false, I just fall apart.

Totally familiar, and totally awful. I don't miss it.

If you want to correspond further about this, feel free to drop me an email.

Re: Better and worse ways to spot a liar

#104

Post by saryant »

haberman wrote: post #68
rorykoehler wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I like to take things as I go (at least when planning seems like overkill, e.g. for non-critical things). This caught me by surprise the last time I flew into NYC from Europe. I had intended to get into the city and then call a friend I was staying with to meet up and go to their place from there. Naturally I didn't get the address before hand. They wouldn't let me into the country without an address on my dis-embark…

The UK does the same thing when you fly there, in my experience.

Japan as well.

Re: Better and worse ways to spot a liar

#105

Post by coldtea »

JonnieCache wrote: post #38
piokoch wrote: post #32

"Thomas Ormerod’s team of security officers faced a seemingly impossible task. At airports across Europe, they were asked to interview passengers on their history and travel plans" It is so sad that nowdays it is not seen as absurdal that some kind of policeman is asking passangers about their travel plans. The journalist get excited that new methods of catching "cheating passangers" are beind developed. Apparently i…

Have border guards not always asked those questions? I'm pretty sure it's been like that since before the 20th century.

>Have border guards not always asked those questions?

People used to laugh at the Iron Curtain countries for asking such questions...

In the 60s you could board a plane without even passing any metal detector...

Re: Better and worse ways to spot a liar

#106

Post by coldtea »

justzisguyuknow wrote: post #43

This seems to me like the technique that is already employed by Israeli airport security agents. They have a normally-flowing inquisitive conversation with every passenger boarding flights to or from the country, and they are very good at detecting when the details don't add up or when the person is acting too uncomfortable.

>and they are very good at detecting when the details don't add up or when the person is acting too uncomfortable.

Considering several horror stories and uneeded questioning (of students etc) entering the country, not that "good" really.

Re: Better and worse ways to spot a liar

#107

Post by coldtea »

adekok wrote: post #55
adekok wrote: post #53

There are ways to work around this. The key is to not lie, but to tell a different truth. I used to do this in high school, when my parents were grilling me. Friday night: go out with quiet friends. Saturday AM questioning: "How was your evening?" "Fine". "OK". Saturday night, go out with less quiet friends. :) The Sunday AM questioning was rather more rigorous. So I described what I did Friday. There were telling he…

And no, I don't recommend lying to border guards. :(

Too late, you are already added in TSA's extra-check list from your previous comment.

Re: Better and worse ways to spot a liar

#108

Post by TheCowboy »

vidarh wrote: post #60

I read "What every body is saying" by Joe Navarro, an ex. FBI agent a few years back, and one of things it spent a lot of time on was tearing apart the notion that we can recognise liars by body language without knowing them well first. People do have "tells", but as the article says, they vary wildly from person to person. They're still interesting to look out for, though, as they're helpful hints to let you direct…

I think poker is another area where people think that the ability to identify "tells" or read people's body language is what matters most, but are mistaken. When really you are rarely going to have played enough with a person to identify a tell, know what an identified tell implies (lie or truth) exactly, or experience an identified tell and its truth value in a spot where it would have changed the outcome.

Re: Better and worse ways to spot a liar

#109

Post by ScottBurson »

coldtea wrote: post #106
justzisguyuknow wrote: post #43

This seems to me like the technique that is already employed by Israeli airport security agents. They have a normally-flowing inquisitive conversation with every passenger boarding flights to or from the country, and they are very good at detecting when the details don't add up or when the person is acting too uncomfortable.

> and they are very good at detecting when the details don't add up or when the person is acting too uncomfortable. Considering several horror stories and uneeded questioning (of students etc) entering the country, not that "good" really.

They reduced a woman I know to tears once. I've known her and her husband for decades; they're a perfectly ordinary, fairly devout Jewish couple who would never hurt anyone. I can't imagine why they felt the need to be so cruel.

Re: Better and worse ways to spot a liar

#110

Post by iyn »

rorykoehler wrote: post #63
jwr wrote: post #57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Or traveling to the US, for that matter. I still don't understand why border guards ask incoming US citizens where they are going and what is the purpose of their travel.

I like to take things as I go (at least when planning seems like overkill, e.g. for non-critical things). This caught me by surprise the last time I flew into NYC from Europe. I had intended to get into the city and then call a friend I was staying with to meet up and go to their place from there. Naturally I didn't get the address before hand. They wouldn't let me into the country without an address on my dis-embark…

So what did you do on the airport? Did they let you in? Every time I traveled to the US I wondered how possible it is for them to not let me in.
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