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Here’s what Ashley Madison members have told me

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Re: Here’s what Ashley Madison members have told me

#71

Post by fab13n »

rue wrote: post #64
fab13n wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> maybe strict monogamy will soften as a norm. Polygamy is already the norm in the West, only it's serial polygamy instead of parallel one, i.e. you're supposed to dump your previous partner before picking the next one. But most people enter most relationships being very open to the idea that it won't be lifelong, and that other partners will be part of their sexual, sentimental and patrimonial future: this constitut…

‘Serial polygamy’ means a sequence of multiple simultaneous relationships. You mean serial monogamy.

I meant it as an electrical engineering metaphor, where you can string devices in parallel, or in serial one after the other, but where with a few adaptations both can lead to the same practical result.

Besides, my whole point is that this behavior constitutes a variant of polygamy, not a variant of monogamy, so I stand by that term. That there's a "serial monogamy" idiom describing it (I just discovered it thanks to you and Google, I'm not a native speaker) is tellingly disingenuous IMO.

Re: Here’s what Ashley Madison members have told me

#72

Post by cousin_it »

roymurdock wrote: post #69
transfire wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You don't understand what it is like to be a man then. It has nothing to do with "inequality". When it comes to sex it is woman that hold most of the cards. For a man, unless they are handsome, wealthy and well endowed (i.e. perfect) then they are at the mercy of women. Which means they have two choices, they either "beg" for it or try to "take" it. Both come in a variety of subtle and overt forms. In either case it…

I agree with you that women (and men for that matter) find confidence attractive. You don't have to be in a relationship to be confident. I would be careful of conflating the two. From my experience, most women are not interested in holding sex as a trump card. Like you and I, they are simply looking for companionship - for someone they can count on for support and non-judgement during times of crisis, but who will a…

> It sounds like you're pretty bitter about something or other. I think you should make more friends

That's a pretty unkind thing to say to a stranger on the internet. I lose a bit of faith in humanity every time I see such things.

Re: Here’s what Ashley Madison members have told me

#73

Post by icebraining »

nitrogen wrote: post #44
icebraining wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I very much doubt any directive regarding the right to be forgotten will give you the right to use fake information. It's essentially inviting fraud.

What is the difference between a fake profile and a pseudonymous profile? Is it really fraud to use something other than your real name in non-financial settings? What about other-than-real data? People have been using fake names and fake data since the dawn of the net; why would this be any different?

I don't see any problem with the practice per se, but I'd be wary of codifying such Right into law without opening a can of worms.

Re: Here’s what Ashley Madison members have told me

#74

Post by TeMPOraL »

transfire wrote: post #36

Anyone notice that the media is eating this up? But let me tell you the media also lent its support to this website. I was watching CNBC a few years ago and they had the CEO of Ashley Madison on and had a great time talking about their "brilliant business model", and how great the site was. No one seemed morally repulsed then. Well I was curious just from a business perspective (and curious how many people would actu…

Dealing with media is like dealing with demons - they'll give you great fame and riches beyond belief, but once you're known to them, they'll happily throw you under the bus to further their own interests. Media outlets are not your friends, they don't care about you at all. They have their own agendas.

Re: Here’s what Ashley Madison members have told me

#75

Post by metamet »

_cpancake wrote: post #42
RodericDay wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

of "the remaining" gender inequality?

I'm not quite sure what you're confused about. The gender inequality that still exists. It's pretty straightforward.

There will always be some form of inequality. That's what happens when you have two distinct things and compare them.

Re: Here’s what Ashley Madison members have told me

#76

Post by TeMPOraL »

icebraining wrote: post #73
nitrogen wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What is the difference between a fake profile and a pseudonymous profile? Is it really fraud to use something other than your real name in non-financial settings? What about other-than-real data? People have been using fake names and fake data since the dawn of the net; why would this be any different?

I don't see any problem with the practice per se, but I'd be wary of codifying such Right into law without opening a can of worms.

Isn't the right to be forgotten a can of worms already? In theory it's about individuals and their privacy, but in practice it's about fraudsters hiding their fraudlent behaviour so that they can continue being fraudsters.

Re: Here’s what Ashley Madison members have told me

#77

Post by acqq »

cousin_it wrote: post #72
roymurdock wrote: post #69

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree with you that women (and men for that matter) find confidence attractive. You don't have to be in a relationship to be confident. I would be careful of conflating the two. From my experience, most women are not interested in holding sex as a trump card. Like you and I, they are simply looking for companionship - for someone they can count on for support and non-judgement during times of crisis, but who will a…

> It sounds like you're pretty bitter about something or other. I think you should make more friends That's a pretty unkind thing to say to a stranger on the internet. I lose a bit of faith in humanity every time I see such things.

I don't see that mean, it matches the impression I have from transfire's comment. Nobody is saying that transfire's comment fully reflects the person who made it, but based only on the comment, it is an appropriate response, as far as I see it.

Re: Here’s what Ashley Madison members have told me

#78

Post by TDL »

NotOscarWilde wrote: post #49
DanielBMarkham wrote: post #4

Immediately, somebody should begin a study on the impact of this data leak. Millions of cheaters exposed? What will be the increase in counseling? Divorce rate? What percentage of folks will carry on like nothing has happened? It's an incredible story. I'm not sure the English language has a word to describe this: watching millions of people go through marital pain all at the same time. It's not a train wreck -- you…

> But I also do not approve on taking action that would result in folks I do not know getting exposed. Folks have a right to their own lives. I do not think there is such a right, because what you are describing is (in probably many cases) a right to break an agreement (marriage in this case) and keep pretending that you honor it until you yourself disclose it. In simpler terms: you may have "a right to your own life…

Do you have right? Yes. Should you lie to your partner? Probably not. People have the right to do many things, even if those things are not beneficial to them in the long term.

Re: Here’s what Ashley Madison members have told me

#79

Post by castis »

jalanco wrote: post #6

Reading this made me think about the hard problem of "removing" yourself from the internet. I don't think it is possible. But I do think there might be an opportunity for a service that creates so much conflicting and false information about a person that it is not possible to know the truth about them: false addresses, phone numbers, credit histories, you name it. Just a thought.

I feel that this would eventually give rise to services that filter out all the "bad" data.

Re: Here’s what Ashley Madison members have told me

#80

Post by bnycum »

njharman wrote: post #66
jalanco wrote: post #6

Reading this made me think about the hard problem of "removing" yourself from the internet. I don't think it is possible. But I do think there might be an opportunity for a service that creates so much conflicting and false information about a person that it is not possible to know the truth about them: false addresses, phone numbers, credit histories, you name it. Just a thought.

Having lots of false information is (very) worse in many cases. People don't know it's false and will assume it is true and about you. So, for instance if this "False info Service" created an account (probably several) on AM, you'd probably be unhappy now. Or posts on some nasty 4Chan that prospective employers find. Or puts up false past address that happened to be the real address of sex offender and now your name…

To further go with this, I have a simple email I scored when gmail first opened. Basically it's a single name with no extra characters. Anyways tons of people sign up for things under that email, and that email is of course in the Ashley Madison leak. It's also part of a ton of other leaks but it's never me. Someone even has a facebook account under it that they won't let me delete. People have used it for AT&T, Verizon, AllState, Honda. Hell even FarmersOnly.com.

I had to stop using that email because of all this over the years. It's unfortunate but this email address is tied to me, I've tried to erase my name from it as much as I can on the Internet tying it to me over the years.

Mostly I just laugh it off, it's annoying. At least my wife knows I wouldn't be on farmersonly.com.

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