Sexism is a Thing

Sexism is a thing. Probably always was a thing. History is a plethora. There was a time when women could not participate in public life. They were confined to a "domestic sphere"--given away for marriage, responsible for rearing children and managing the house. Forget about voting or having a career. Forget about walking any path other than the one proscribed.

There were also the times when rape was a fact of life, like during every war ever, including the conflicts between "civilized" peoples during WWI and II.

It's all still there today in different forms. At the extreme end fraternity culture which objectifies women so totally we need to have national conversation about how rape is bad.

But there are also many subtle currents in tech that lead to an exclusionary environment. She's not invited to the bar with the guys. She's not welcome in the testosterone atmosphere of the game room (someone make another balls joke). She must deal with a number of socially awkward people who have trouble interacting with those who are different. And finally scepticism about her hacking skills. I personally participate in "boy's club" activities. I personally am awkward. I personally have some kind of bias where I expect less from female coders until proven wrong. I see these subtle currents in my own actions and experience.

And I'm not even going to get into the seething hatred outspoken women often face in the form of online bullying and death threats.

"Women need to stop whining about sexism," is a totally callous response which ignores the ways in which women are made to feel as outsiders. You know how black people faced all this prejudice in the 60's and yet some are still virulently homophobic today? I think it's kind of like that with tech where people who used to be unpopular nerds don't know how to treat the minority in their own midst with respect and acceptance.

Good post. I think the comparison to homophopia in the black community might be even more appropriate than you suspected. Homophobia is a problem in the black community because mainstream culture .

Black men have long been emasculated in America. They were purposely separated from their families during the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade and today they continue to be separated from their families due to the prison industrial complex. During and post slavery, their genitals were also taken as trophy pieces during and after lynchings. This was done to cease reproduction, prevent sex with white women, for entertainment and it was also a warning sign to keep other black men in check.

This has lead to defensiveness and insecurity about their mansculinity that has lead to the homophobia and sexism. Huey Newton said "We want to hit a homosexual in the mouth because we are afraid that we might be homosexual; and we want to hit the women or shut her up because we are afraid that she might castrate us, or take the nuts that we might not have to start with."

Similarly, the trope of the nerdy male juxtaposed against the letter-wearing jock is one that hurt many in the hacker community. The narrative is that these men are unattractive or desirable partners unless their skills make them wealthy. In that cultural climate, the emasculated nerd is encouraged to see women either as targets of resentment, or as trophies.

Sure, sexism is a thing. So is racism, homophobia, and in some places anti-semitism is still going strong. Etc. Etc. Humans aren't very good at treating one another fairly.

What do you want me to do, just agree with you? OK, agreed. So what? What actionable, quantifiable thing do you propose should be done? Or can I just give the problem lip service and call it a day? Keep in mind I have my own life to live, my own problems to deal with.