121–130 of 190 posts
This doesn't help you maintain connections with people, it's emotional forgery and anyone caught using something like this will find their "connections" evaporate instantly. If you want to maintain connections with people put the effort in, that's the substance of the connection in the first place. If you don't, then don't. People want to feel like they matter to you, so you contacting them shows that you care about…
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I never remember people's birthdays, so I have added them to my calendar, and I make sure to message people to wish them a happy birthday when I get the calendar notification. Does this make my happy birthday wishes fake? Should I never let anyone realize I use a calendar?
You may care about someone but forget their birthday exact date one day ahead. But you care someone and forget to send a message any day during the month? That’s not possible, that means you don’t really care.
When you're out of sight, I don't know if that person exists. I have so much work, ideas, hobbies, an active mind, and things to do that the only way I can maintain a relationship is if THEY actually get a hold of me, or I see them. I noticed relationships suffering - and schedule some texts/calls... but calling is so constraining.
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You may care about someone but forget their birthday exact date one day ahead. But you care someone and forget to send a message any day during the month? That’s not possible, that means you don’t really care.
I've been hearing people equate forgetting with not caring for my entire life. It took me years to realize that they - and you - just can't conceive of someone who's mind operates in a way so fundamentally different from their own. So they put their values onto us, and blame us for not living up to them. I don't blame you - that level of empathy is a hard thing to find - but damn am I tired of hearing this.
I am task oriented first, but people oriented when they're in front of me (visually bc it causes me to focus).
Heck, my parents, wife, best friends I wouldn't communicate with for weeks, months until we all learned that is my mode or if they just showed up.
This is a cool idea. I constantly come across as a dick because a friend will message me, and I'll think about what to respond with, hesitate because I want to come up with the BEST response, then get distracted by another task, forget to text them back until the next day, etc. There are also people I only see every few months and have a blast with, then completely radio silence them for months until I see them again…
I deal with it this way: The people I care about I frankly say "Look, I only prefer to communicate at certain intervals during the day because I'm usually in flow or focused. Please text and call, but realize if I don't answer it was because I was in that state. Sometimes I come out shortly, sometimes it is a few days".
Texts, calls, etc go unanswered until I'm ready on my time.
You'll have to tailor to the person though... some extroverts forget everything they read and/or have low impulse control, some introverts forget everything they hear.
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Words have meanings, and that's not what introvert means.
> Introvert: a shy, reticent person. What person with social anxiety does that not apply to? No idea why the two of you are quibbling over the use of the word introvert here.
To go even further, there are multiple definitions to the word in psychology, depending on what sources you rely upon (ie Jung’s, the "Big Five"’s, and probably others)
So, yes, there is a lot of room for miscommunication
Earlier quoted context omitted.
You may care about someone but forget their birthday exact date one day ahead. But you care someone and forget to send a message any day during the month? That’s not possible, that means you don’t really care.
I've been hearing people equate forgetting with not caring for my entire life. It took me years to realize that they - and you - just can't conceive of someone who's mind operates in a way so fundamentally different from their own. So they put their values onto us, and blame us for not living up to them. I don't blame you - that level of empathy is a hard thing to find - but damn am I tired of hearing this.
Given the other descriptions in this thread, it seems like you wouldn't unless they or someone they were close to reached out to you to let you know. If that was the case and I was your friend and I died with zero contact from you, I would have to strongly consider that you do not care about me and were not there for me as a friend when I needed it the most.
That is how I would feel about it, but I'm curious if what I describe is a fair hypothetical and how you think about that situation.
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There's no friction in starting something you love to do. If you don't love talking to someone that you don't have to talk to, you shouldn't do it. You're putting them in the awkward position of having to converse with someone that they know doesn't want to converse with them. And yes, they'll know. The dryness of the sample messages is tip-off enough. Personally, I hate hearing from people like this -- not because I…
> There's no friction in starting something you love to do. That may be true for you; it's not true for everyone. Nobody in this thread who thinks this app might be useful has mentioned people they need speak to "out of duty". I feel like you are projecting how you operate on to everyone else and not actually listening to what they are saying. I'm sorry you have frequently experienced people that are clearly bored wh…
There's no need for the ad hominem.
Again, the problem with this is not that it's scheduled, it's that it's canned.
It's like training a robot to do foreplay. Is it that joyless that I have to let it kickstart the sex before I come into the room?
Scheduling a reminder to talk is one thing. But sending a canned opener that I thought of another day and in another mood says that I don't have anything interesting or fun to share with the other person, and if I don't, why should I talk to them? It puts the onus on them.
This doesn't help you maintain connections with people, it's emotional forgery and anyone caught using something like this will find their "connections" evaporate instantly. If you want to maintain connections with people put the effort in, that's the substance of the connection in the first place. If you don't, then don't. People want to feel like they matter to you, so you contacting them shows that you care about…
I came to this thread earlier and thought I'd taken crazy pills, so I'd check back later. Not a single non-positive comment. People who use this or think this is a good thing have fundamentally misunderstood social interaction. Your girlfriend doesn't want the signal that you care, she wants you to actually care, and keeping in contact is an expression of caring. If you need to forge something this foundational, I'm…
No offense to anyone, but if you’re vocal and succesful at consuming lots of attention, it doesn’t automagically mean that your behavior is healthy.
This is a cool idea. I constantly come across as a dick because a friend will message me, and I'll think about what to respond with, hesitate because I want to come up with the BEST response, then get distracted by another task, forget to text them back until the next day, etc. There are also people I only see every few months and have a blast with, then completely radio silence them for months until I see them again…
> I constantly come across as a dick because a friend will message me, and I'll think about what to respond with, hesitate because I want to come up with the BEST response, then get distracted by another task, forget to text them back until the next day, etc. There are two paradigms I see people use to solve this: 1. Text back as soon as you see the message and be okay with your response not being optimal. This is wh…
I have also gone days without even noticing that I got a text, but it has never led to much trouble.
This doesn't help you maintain connections with people, it's emotional forgery and anyone caught using something like this will find their "connections" evaporate instantly. If you want to maintain connections with people put the effort in, that's the substance of the connection in the first place. If you don't, then don't. People want to feel like they matter to you, so you contacting them shows that you care about…
Just move the message into a folder too so neither of you have to waste time reading the automated message.