Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

news.ycombinator.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

881–890 of 890 posts

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#881

Post by webABCs »

madjayhawk wrote: post #879

My birthday was yesterday. I have now lived 80 years on this planet. Seen a lot, done a lot. Do I feel old? Absolutely not. Few aches and pains and other physical problems I let my doctors worry about. My advice, for what it is worth, is to find some things that you enjoy doing. It can literally be anything. If you are an introvert do things by yourself. Do not force yourself to be around others excessively. If you a…

What a great life story you are still pursuing. 80 years young and still rocking it. You are an inspiration for sure. When did you start learning Python?

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#882

Post by webABCs »

I will turn 67 on Valentine's day so I am in the 4th quarter of my life. As I look back on my life I have enjoyed a lot of successes (two retirements) and some significant setbacks(bad marriage). That is the nature of life. There will be ups and downs. You just need to learn how to handle the downs so that you end up in a positive posture when get to your 4th quarter. Don't give up or get disillusioned anywhere along life's journey because you can always make a comeback no matter how far you are down at any given point. Life is a great and rewarding experience. Don't let negative thoughts or feelings spoil it.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#883

Post by wly_cdgr »

I am almost 42 and my net wealth is <$0. I've experienced your anxiety and gloom but these days I am pretty happy and optimistic about how much I'll enjoy my life as time goes on. The trick is to go deep in something narrow and high-skill-cap (for me it happens to be card games, but the what doesn't really matter). The quest for deep expertise is a boundless source of surprise, discovery, and rich, cheap pleasure. You are wonderfully lucky - with $500k in the bank you can afford not to work for a decade as you develop that deep expertise. I guarantee you that after 20,000 hours of [whatever thing] you'll be able to make money from it if you need to. But don't worry about that now - just pick something deep that you can do at a high level well into old age and focus on getting good. I don't mean good enough to get a job or whatever - I mean GOOD

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#884

Post by timtas »

I expect it's a temporary rut. I vaguely remember a lull around your age. But I just kept living life, and it passed.

I started my third career (as a software developer) at age 38 just before getting married for the first time at 40 and moving half way across the country. I still had two failed startups (and a successful side project) ahead of me.

Almost 20 years later I still frequently go to festivals and local live music shows. I'm taking some time off to partake in SXSW next month. I have a stack of books I can't get to. I'm still improving my guitar and singing skills, a lifelong hobby.

I've made a bunch of new friends lately with a group that shares some interests. We have regular get togethers, like karaoke Fridays, gun range trips (a new hobby for me), and just hanging out. They are all coming to my Super Bowl part this Sunday. Most of the group is 30s-40s. I go to discussion meetups once a month or so.

I'm not saying all this to brag about myself but show you that most of your active years lie ahead.

A few concrete suggestions:

1. If you spend a lot of time playing video games, stop. It's the world's greatest time suck.

2. Curtail porn.

3. Find meetups that interest you.

4. If your BMI is above high twenties, get it down. Keto and daily walks/hiking/swimming does it for me.

5. Consider getting a dog. It's great for fighting loneliness and can help attract dates.

6. Study stoicism. It's the OG self help. (I'm just starting this now. I think it will help a lot as I move into old age.)

7. Keep spending less than you make. You're in a pretty good spot savings wise. Keep it up.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#885

Post by limbojunkie »

Same except the $500k in savings. I have much less, but I own stock options that may compensate.

I came from a very bad background. Because of my "nationality" I can't work for most Tech companies (because US law), and I spent 10 years until I could settle into a country that I may call home but sadly I don't like to live in.

Relationships? Nothing serious and due to me focusing to much to survive (and my average looks) I never had a stable relationship or found a good partner.

Be grateful of what you have. Some people consider me lucky to live in several countries and seeing the world while looking for a place to settle in. So you are in good place. Just take some time off (I mean 3-6 months) and travel the world, learn a new hobby, take cooking lessons, attend more meetups to meet new people who can spice your life. The hub you live in can be dull so change where you live.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#886

Post by noduerme »

david12345 wrote: post #197
noduerme wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Also, WTF is wrong with bars? Bars are great. I can't remember what book it was, maybe something by Douglas Coupland (?) He talks about how there was probably some guy just like him in 200 AD, in the Roman Empire, going through exactly what he's going through now. Forgotten to history, all his thoughts. And he's just that guy all over again. Compared to beating the shit out of yourself for not being Mohammed or Gheng…

The meditations by Marcus Aurelius?

Was Marcus Aurelius the first guy to make the observation that he was probably a clone of someone born 2000 years earlier?

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#887

Post by altabor »

This might be helpful. https://alantabor.medium.com/reverse-engineering-my-life-e06...

I did this on retirement around age 55 so I had a bigger database of experience in my starting sample but with a widely varied work experience you should be able to systematically dig what drives engagement.

Note, this isn't great for a 'and now for something completely different' crisis where some excluded aspect of your self wants center stage and is fading the usual things to gray.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#888

Post by CRConrad »

hackerfromthefu wrote: post #871
CRConrad wrote: post #816

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And hackerfromthefu isn't the only one who knew that by heart; I was going to supply you with the name when I noticed that someone already had. Not mr Hejlsberg's fault that you don't know his name, is it?

Yes I'm a huge fan! I've followed his career for 2 decades using his tooling because he has the sense of style and expertise to create development tooling that was generations ahead of the competition, the best I've ever found from trying so many languages. He's also a really personable and humble genius based on the relatively few videos and interviews available. In my opinion he's the Michael Jordan of software, th…

I've known of him for a bit longer, but soured on him a bit when he let himself be bought by the Evil Empire. Also, his uglier second take eclipsing the original annoyed me.

But, mellowing with age, I'm slowly getting over that. :-) (Also, Khan should just fucking have paid him better.)

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#889

Post by zdbrandon »

agent008t wrote: post #864
franczesko wrote: post #696

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I felt exactly the same as OP described. Once I became a dad (not that long ago), I felt that a missing piece of a puzzle finally fell in its place.

This thread suggests that becoming a dad is not unlikely to throw you into a 2-year deep depression: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30240609 "Even with this realization, there were lots of times where I sat on the couch the first year and just felt like I was drowning and life was over. That happened in the second year as well, but less after the child was 18 months. And by ~2.5, it's a lot better!" That's hard…

I wouldn’t call 2.5 years the “outcome”. You have kids with a much deeper horizon in mind.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#890

Post by the__alchemist »

alangibson wrote: post #79

This is almost exactly my life, shifted by a decade. The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see. The worst thing you can do is pine for the good old days. They aren't coming back. And they weren't that good anyway. Your best times are ahead if you can successfully adjust. What worked for me was putting down roots. I resisted it mightily…

35 is an interesting age, because it can cut both ways in terms of the OP's concern. Your approach is common, but I think it's not the only way.

Many people commit to being settled etc as you imply. But you don't have to! The "settled" / company-man group skews older, but it's more about attitude and priorities.

Keep a positive attitude, keep working out, don't let the way you dress etc slip, be a "bro" not a "bob" at work, go out and do fun things, and keep raging on the weekends. Don't steer conversations towards work and your kids. Get excited about things. Don't complain. Keep up personal projects and hobbies. Keep learning new skills and challenging yourself. Talk to the newer/younger people at work etc as peers, and not in a condescending/know-it-all way.

Assuming that's what you want!

Post reply on HN