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Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?

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Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?

#811

Post by GurnBlandston »

avmich wrote: post #156

A programmer walks into a bar and ask for a drink. The bartender says I'll give you a drink if you tell me a programmer joke. And he says: a programmer walks into a bar and ask for a drink. The bartender says I'll give you a drink if you tell me a programmer joke. And he says: a programmer walks into a bar and ask for a drink. So he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink.

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”

Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?

#812

Post by phs318u »

amit9gupta wrote: post #664

As virtual reality simulators assume larger roles in helicopter combat training , programmers have gone to great lengths to increase the realism of the their scenarios, including detailed landscapes and — in the case of the Northern Territory’s Operation Phoenix — herds of kangaroos (since groups of disturbed animals might well give away a helicopters position). The head of the Defense Science and Technology Organiza…

Hahaha. Having worked at DSTO (many years ago) this is SO believable.

Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?

#814

Post by benibela »

lb1lf wrote: post #481
hutzlibu wrote: post #245

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thats a rehash of an old joke: I know it soviet style: A mathematician, a physicist and a biologist are flying in a air balloon and are lost. They encounter a man walking below: The biologist asks him: "do you know, where we are?" "..." the man looks up and says nothing The physicist ask him: "can you please tell us, where we are!" "..." after a while the man says: "in a balloon". The mathematician remarks, ah, he mu…

A Soviet engineer needs some plumbing done in his apartment, and calls for a plumber. The plumber arrives, does his thing, and hands over the bill. The engineer is shocked. -'What, this is like a quarter of what I make in a month - for half an hour's work???' Plumber shrugs. -'Well, why don't you come join us? Easy work, well paid, no responsibility - just remember to keep mum about your degree, as we're not supposed…

American version from below:

The "you learn limits in like, 9th grade" comment reminds me of this one:

Two mathematicians are in a bar. The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math. The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress. He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question. All she has to do is answer one third x cubed.

She repeats "one thir -- dex cue"?

He repeats "one third x cubed".

She says, "one thir dex cuebd"?

Yes, that's right, he says. So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself, "one thir dex cuebd...".

The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point, that most people do know something about basic math. He says he will ask the blonde waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees. The second man calls over the waitress and asks "what is the integral of x squared?".

The waitress says "one third x cubed" and while walking away, turns back and says over her shoulder "plus a constant!"

Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?

#815

Post by dfex »

musicale wrote: post #47
nvader wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The next time she says to him, "while you're at the store, pick up some bananas." Legend says he's at the store still.

Programmers will also use up all the shampoo if the label says "lather, rinse, repeat" with no explicit termination condition.

Fortunately showering doesn't appear to be common in the profession

Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?

#818

Post by ezekg »

DoofusOfDeath wrote: post #705
stevage wrote: post #501

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I always heard this with a lawyer at the end.

The joke's context is Genesis chapters 1-2, so it wouldn't make sense to include a lawyer. Satan only shows up in chapter 3.

This made me chuckle :)

Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?

#819

Post by jonathankoren »

BugWatch wrote: post #514
jonathankoren wrote: post #136

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Q: How many Google engineers does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. They just change the standard to dark. ————— Originally (circa 1998) this was Microsoft joke, but this is a good update.

Alternative Answer: None, they'll just google-graveyard the electricity service.

Oh! That’s even better!

Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?

#820

Post by selimthegrim »

bmgxyz wrote: post #686
ajxs wrote: post #94

(Not my joke) At a recent real-time Java conference, the participants were given an awkward question to answer: "If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software, how many of you would disembark immediately?" Among the forest of raised hands only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite c…

I know this joke, but in the version I've heard it's mechanical engineering students instead of programmers, their professors instead of conference participants, and the aircraft itself instead of the flight control software. But the structure is the same.

I think Radio Yerevan wants you to be chief announcer.
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