You are depressed. You are not seeing things clearly. You are being much harder on yourself then you need to be. There could be one million and one reasons you are depressed. Be open minded to the fact that maybe the mistakes you made in the past aren't as bad as you think they are. You are a human being, like everyone else, and you aren't perfect. Also, try to judge other people less harshly. I often find that I must judge myself with the same strength that I judge other people. If I can't forgive others for their errors, how can I forgive myself? Know that you aren't the only person has had these feelings. They are normal, and they will pass. Try and use it as motivation to do things that will make you value yourself more. Only you know your own values, so no one can tell you what to do.
Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown
81–90 of 125 posts
Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown
#82For more specific advice, drop out of college and wonder why you are pursuing 'success.' Until you have an answer for that, don't feel obliged to do anything other than survive and not go into bad debt.
Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown
#83Life is hard, let's go shopping. Oh wait. Seriously, you're just exactly like the average 21 year old introvert without a girlfriend. Most of us have been there, and we didn't post about it on internet forums. Geesh. I vote against all the advice to "go see a psychotherapist". The only psychotherapy you need is to stop making excuses and get the fuck out of your room. Go meet people. Do risky stuff. Look for the brig…
"The only psychotherapy you need is to stop making excuses and get the fuck out of your room. Go meet people. Do risky stuff. Look for the bright side of life. Let the bright side of life find you." The whole "snap out of it" attitude is horrible advice and isn't helping anyone in major depression. You have no idea about any other details and problems the person may have and why they feel as if they are not up to the…
He's not a therapist, and likely this is exactly the type of advice this kid needs.
Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown
#84First, How is that you believe "the professors themselves dont know anything" while at the same time your "grades were horrible".
The question is not to pick on you, but rather I really just don't understand. Aren't the professors the one's grading you? If they are giving you poor grades, would that not indicate they know many things while you do not?
Onwards, in my opinion, I think you're pretty selfish. And that's ok, we are all more selfish than we realize. We've all been caught up in ourselves to the point we become really self critical.
I hate to sound cheesy by quoting JFK - and I'm not American, but he said it brilliantly:
"... ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country."
Also, maybe to help...: I travelled a lot growing up. I did notice one peculiar thing in my travels. Often I'd move to a new school, and fit right in. From school to school the crowds I'd fit in with would be different. Sometimes I'd fit in with the jocks, other times I fit with the nerds. Very rarely, only one time in fact, I found myself not fitting in with anyone.... and boy that was a doozy. It was like someone reached down from the heavens a decided to destroy my very identity... I was starting to think like you, but then I moved.
So maybe you're actually in one of these black hole pockets where you truly are surrounded by all the wrong people, all the wrong things. I'm not religious, but maybe the heavens are reaching down to you and saying - you're not where you should be.
Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown
#851. Go talk to someone. This is mandatory. Psychologist or psychiatrist. 2. (I don't know if this is applicable or not but) drinking will not help. 3. More people than you can possibly imagine have been where you are. (The noisy "everything is fine" group has a large subset of liars and people suffering -- like you -- are silent. Skewed sample set). 4. It will not always be thus. The tide goes out, the tide comes in.…
Consulting pyschologists has a social stigma attached in a country where I live. I also dont drink
Think of a shrink as a better version of what you've already done in asking for help. He's an pretty smart guy(hopefully) who you can tell shit to that you would never tell anyone else. And he'll give you an honest 3rd party perspective, which is exactly what you need. You need someone to tell you that it's not as bad as you think it is. You need someone to tell you that the way you are seeing yourself is complete bullshit. You need someone to help you figure out what actions are going to make you start feeling good about yourself and encouraging you to do them.
Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown
#86Dude, start drinking. You will get over your inhibitions and meet people. You will have the best and worst experiences of your life. And sometime after it is all said and done you will find yourself.
Horrible advice. If you need a drug that makes it easier to talk to people, Alcohol is one of the worst choices.
Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown
#87Some good advice here so far. Some tips on turning this thing around to consider: 1. This is 100% mental; beating yourself up mentally internally or otherwise only contributes to the problem - try the opposite. 'Meditate' on positive thoughts (or even a single thought) when this crops up. Self-doubt is the mind-killer; never forget that. 2. Everyone is good at a thing or two - for me it's hockey and music (well other…
"6. Do not seek professional help - you are normal for your age."
But people throw years of their lives away thinking this when, in fact, they have a real problem. Seeking consultation from a professional is the low-risk, potentially high reward choice.
Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown
#88Lots of good (and bad) advice here already, but here are my 5 cents:
Being more outgoing. There are two steps here that need to work for that to happen: you need to like the person you are in social situations, and you can't care about what people think of you.
To elaborate on the first point, you need to enjoy social situations. Don't go into social situations to "meet friends" or get "rid of you social anxiety" - go into them to have fun (here the second step needs to be in order, but more about that later). If you have fun, you'll meet people who you think are fun to be around with - and there's a good chance they think the same of you at that point. Also, liking the person you are usually includes things like not being arrogant etc (for most people anyway).
The second point: don't care about what people think of you. This doesn't mean you shouldn't care about what people think - they can have interesting, magnificent, cool ideas, but it's just their opinion of you that shouldn't matter. As long as you like the person you are (see point above), no one else's opinion should matter. I have maybe 5 people in my life whom I'd listen to if they said seriously commented on something about me. It's very hard to express yourself openly and have fun if there's something in the back of your mind telling you how you should care about what all the people present think of you.
In my experience, you can't have one without the other. Both of those need to be in order to actually enjoy being around people.
Then, your study habits (remembering crap when trying to study). I had (well, have to some degree) the exact same problem as you. I can't say I've found the magic bullet, but I think I've got the basic psychology down. Think about what you do when that train of thought starts to appear? I'd bet good money you hold out for a while, but eventually give in and watch a movie/new episode of House/play WoW/etc. That's a pattern your mind has learned over the time: if you start thinking about crap you'll eventually get rewarded with the latest antics of that funny doctor. Breaking that pattern is hard, but if you have got the socialization part down, it becomes easier, as you have much less embarrasing things to care about. As soon as you start thinking those thoughts, you need to redirect them to the task at hand. And again. And again.
Throughout all of this, one important skill is redirecting your thoughts. Find yourself at a party, thinking if the thing you just said was maybe a bit awkward? You need to redirect your thoughts to the task at hand, having fun. Talking to a new friend, thinking how you should respond so he'd think good of you? See previous action. Thinking about crap while studying? Redirect your thoughts to that funny thing that happened last week or the task at hand.
Obviously it'll take a long time before you change your thought patterns permanently, but don't despair, you're only 21.
Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown
#89Life is hard, let's go shopping. Oh wait. Seriously, you're just exactly like the average 21 year old introvert without a girlfriend. Most of us have been there, and we didn't post about it on internet forums. Geesh. I vote against all the advice to "go see a psychotherapist". The only psychotherapy you need is to stop making excuses and get the fuck out of your room. Go meet people. Do risky stuff. Look for the brig…
I would suggest being careful with this kind of response. It's the kind of thing you can tell a close friend face-to-face and it might be just the kick-in-the-pants they need to get them going again.
But saying it to some completely anonymous person on the Internet may be more likely to backfire than to help in the manner you intend.
There are also potential cultural differences to keep in mind as well. Brits and Americans may be more likely to respond positively to 'tough love' than Indians or others.
Re: Ask HN: Having emotional breakdown
#90Some good advice here so far. Some tips on turning this thing around to consider: 1. This is 100% mental; beating yourself up mentally internally or otherwise only contributes to the problem - try the opposite. 'Meditate' on positive thoughts (or even a single thought) when this crops up. Self-doubt is the mind-killer; never forget that. 2. Everyone is good at a thing or two - for me it's hockey and music (well other…
"6. Do not seek professional help - you are normal for your age." But people throw years of their lives away thinking this when, in fact, they have a real problem. Seeking consultation from a professional is the low-risk, potentially high reward choice.
Age 30, sure. Age 21, when you are still figuring out who the real you is... not sure that helps or hurts.
At his age he'd be better off reading some good non-tech books... Catcher in the Rye, Siddhartha, Fountainhead, a Taoism book... maybe a Philip K. Dick book or Vonnegut for some fun.
Maybe it's just me but I haven't run across too many mental health professionals that really seemed to know what they were doing. It's like chiropractors - there are a lot of them that are doing more harm than good it seems.