Ask HN: Coping with Loneliness

We all help each other, which can be handy to bounce tech problems off too

The easiest way to develop friendships or make connections with people is to show up regularly to a scheduled event. Even if you are the shyest, most social awkward person in the world, if you keep showing up to a regular event you will help combat loneliness.

My first suggestion is physical activities. If you're not already doing something active start there. Doing something physical will wear you out and help keep your mind from focusing on being alone. It is also a great way to meet new people and have something to talk about. Join a gym, a running club, start going to a rock-climbing gym, join a hiking Meetup group, find someone at work or a neighbor that likes to bike and go for rides, join a sports club or team, play airsoft/paintball, go geocaching, etc. There is something physical for everyone of all body types and abilities. Lets say you like lifting weights. Start going to the gym 3 times a week. Maybe after a few weeks you see a free yoga class and are interested, take it. Say hi to someone. Later on that person may need a spotter, or have a question. Boom, you've made a (sort of) friend.

Once you have a physical activity built into your routine, find one or two non-work (and non-video game!) hobbies that you enjoy. Chess, tabletop games, fishing, walking around the city, going to museums, fixing cars/machines, restoring furniture, painting, drawing, old electronic restoration, going to bookstores, -- literally anything you could see yourself spending 1 or 2 hours of free time on per day or every few days. Start doing this regularly. Don't worry if it's alone. Being occupied with something you like will make your mind too busy too care. PLUS once you need to drum up small talk with a friend/co-worker/whoever you will have something to talk about.

Don't be afraid of "looking lonely". If you enjoy going to bars/coffee shops/dinner/whatever once in a while, go to one! If you can invite someone great, if not, go anyway. You'd be surprised how many people do things alone. If you have the gift of gab, chat them up. Maybe you won't have a new friend, but it will be some interaction. Sometimes all you need is to physically be present around people to help cure the loneliness.

Also, and this one was the biggest change that affected me, say yes to things! If you are lucky enough to get invited to do stuff (by family, coworkers, anyone), say yes. Even if you can only show up or do the activity for 30 mins, go. Saying yes has a snowball effect, the more you say yes the more you will be invited. If you absolutely need to say no, have no interest, etc, offer a counter-invite to a separate activity and then follow up. Also, invite people to do things. Even if it sounds boring/lame/mundane. Have errands after work? Invite someone. People are more willing to do boring stuff then you would think.

Like a coffee shop with the added bonus of everyone having similar interests. Who knows, the wife and I may make some friends too, or take part.

However, I'm asking because I don't want to go there and feel obligated to partake in some event/thing. Lowkey with benefits is what interests me. Thoughts?