Ask HN: I am 30yrs and never had a full time job, now suicidal. Any life advice?

Hi Tevlon, thanks for reaching out. It's clear that you are suffering a lot in your current situation. I hope that some of the advice and support here on HN brings you hope and peace. I'll add some thoughts of my own, based on personal experience in a similar situation. I recently left a stressful PhD program, about 1.5 years from completion of a 8 year program, after becoming suicidal.

I found that listing out all my options helpful in combatting feeling trapped or suicidal, and I would read over the list frequently. Some options may include sitting through your 3 final exams, leaving the program, or taking a break for a year or two. You could join a volunteer organization and travel. You could take a week off. You could find a job in another sector. You could spend time pursuing your hobbies or dream job. Be creative when you brainstorm what you could do. Once you have a list, it's easier to see alternatives, whether or not you decide to pursue them.

There are a number of activities that I tried over the course of several months to get myself back to decent mental state, including: meditation, long walks, reading, exercise, spending time with friends and family, opening up about my situation to friends and family, seeing a therapist, changing up routine, and volunteering. I encourage you to try a variety of activities, even if you don't initially feel like doing anything. For me, getting out of my apartment at least once a day was critical to turning myself around.

A) I got my first full time paid job at age 41. Let me recommend the book "What color is your parachute?"

B) It sounds like you are having an identity crisis because you are nearly done with school. You know how to be a student. You don't know how to be an employee.

I went to college basically for that reason. I did the employee thing for over five years. I now do freelance work. I like it better.

Point being: you need money. That doesn't necessarily mean you need a job.

Best.

Figure out anything, no matter how small to make you feel like you are progressing and moving forward. If you can't find a job, find a project, consult on a project, explore an idea you find interesting and set a goal to create a product result or deliverable. A little bit of momentum will go a long way.

A few years ago, my sister had just graduated from university with a degree in chemistry and was considering medical school, but was unsure whether that was right. Like you, she felt like it would take too long before she would be out of school and would be in debt. She couldn't decide and started to stagnate. It quickly became demotivating and she became suicidal. So, I asked her to do me a favor and had her come and work at a company I own as a low level office manager. Despite it being something that probably wasn't her life goal long term, being active, working with people, accomplishing tasks, and seeing clearly what she didn't want to do was very motivating - very quickly. Within 4 months she made a quick decision and moved across the country to work at an animal sanctuary as a volunteer (it was tight for her financially) and eventually got a job full time. She left after two years, but it transformed her life.

I had a similar experience right before founding my current company. I felt like I weren't progressing and became extremely depressed and suicidal. I decided I had to do something and it didn't matter what as long as it was different. So we adjusted course, set a goal and moved forward. Is it a happy result? I don't know, we havent had any real results because the plan will take time, but at least I feel like I am moving forward.

Also, don't worry about where you are in the "progress of life" like having a car, being married etc., or otherwise compare yourself to others. First of all, those things don't necessarily bring happiness; we all know plenty of people that have a house and spouse and are miserable. For all you know, if you had those things now, you would feel trapped. Right now you can explore or pick up and do anything you want.

Do something, anything, and see what happens.

For a start I would like to say myself a student I sometimes lose hope about college,hobbies and everything but that is not a reason no to push yourself more . If you like what you study or do you can start doing projects it's great way to track your progess and move forward another option could be to go trough an extensive tech niche why not go trough a web program (a nanodegree or course) about something you find interesting and want to explore not only that will give you an alternative way to find jobs but the learning phase will help you get more active in communities meet new people and so on . And remember never stop exploring yourself and enjoying life .

I remember graduating right when the dot-com burst. I could not find a job. It was one of the worst times to graduate.

A friend I graduated with was here in the US on a student visa. He had an even harder battle than I. But he sent out 2,000 resumes and did find a job. You have to stick with it. Or as I picked up from Derek Sivers, you have to say YES to a lot of opportunities when you are just starting out.

Definitely seek some professional help, but don't give up on life. There are tons of opportunities out there.