The science, interestingly, says join a choir.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3292784/Why-singing-...
Ask HN: How to form deep friendships later in life?
71–80 of 86 posts
Re: Ask HN: How to form deep friendships later in life?
#72I am also in the same boat.
One thing that worked for me (unintentionally) is volunteering - I met some great people, even formed a handful of friendships.
Another interesting habit (again unintentionally) that worked for me is talking to old people. I enjoy talking to them as they have lots of stories to tell and wisdom to share. Some of the best conversations I've had are with older folks (60's and above).
It is hard though, once we are in our 30's
Are there any apps that we can use to meet people other than meetup.com and that don't rely on Facebook?
Re: Ask HN: How to form deep friendships later in life?
#73I read this a while ago which sums up the problem: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fashion/the-challenge-of-m...
The most important thing I noted:
>As external conditions change, it becomes tougher to meet the three conditions that sociologists since the 1950s have considered crucial to making close friends: proximity; repeated, unplanned interactions; and a setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other
Re: Ask HN: How to form deep friendships later in life?
#74- Meet people through work. You have to kinda treat this a bit like dating, and make real effort - when you meet someone you get on with, you'll need to invite them for coffee etc. Do this sooner rather than later. Go to social events that are loosely related to your work. - Activity groups. Meetup.com, Couchsurfing, Nightclasses. Charities and volunteering. - Become a regular at a bar or a cafe. Go there frequently,…
To the first point, I think this might be controversial... but try to avoid people you work with directly. It seems like it's better at first glance - b/c you interact with them more - but the reality is there are whole layers of professionalism and competing interests between you and them which actually kinda preclude you from building a system of mutual trust. Maybe "trust" isn't quite the right word, but I'm strug…
It's pretty situation dependant. Mostly depends on the corporate structure, culture and your positions relative to each other. I've been blessed to work at small companies where most of the people I rub shoulders with aren't in the same professional 'track' as me, so there's no real reason for anyone to use a friendship to jockey for position or something.
Re: Ask HN: How to form deep friendships later in life?
#75- Meet people through work. You have to kinda treat this a bit like dating, and make real effort - when you meet someone you get on with, you'll need to invite them for coffee etc. Do this sooner rather than later. Go to social events that are loosely related to your work. - Activity groups. Meetup.com, Couchsurfing, Nightclasses. Charities and volunteering. - Become a regular at a bar or a cafe. Go there frequently,…
I like the analogy between G+ circles and friendship. A person can become your friend if he is in more than one your circle. Let's say you have a circle called "work" and you invite somebody from it to play football together. If he accepts, the transition happens.
A person that you work with is a coworker, a person that you play football regularly with is just a teammate, but combined they become a friend.
Re: Ask HN: How to form deep friendships later in life?
#76I always tell people who move to a new city to join a meetup, class, or some type of group that will force you to repetitively be around the same group of people. If you have basic social skills you will make friends.
Re: Ask HN: How to form deep friendships later in life?
#77"deep and meaningful connections or friendships"
You mean a wife or husband? Or a dog? Maybe find a church you like?
Re: Ask HN: How to form deep friendships later in life?
#78There's lots of good advice here on meeting people. But in my experience the hard part has been moving from acquaintance or casual friend to good friend. It was always easy to meet people through hobbies, but those relationships tended to end up focused exclusively on the shared activity -- I'm not very outgoing so I wouldn't really talk about anything else with those people, or spend time with them outside that activity.
But a couple years ago I joined a very close-knit martial arts group and have finally made some good friends that way. I think the big difference is that this group does public demos and attends competitions together. That often means spending most of a weekend together, including some less-structured time that encourages more casual conversation. Competitions can also be very intense experiences, and supporting each other through that helps to form stronger bonds.
As it turns out, the last time I made a lot of close friends it was through my college fencing club, which had a lot of the same characteristics.
I guess that doesn't help much unless you're interested in martial arts or other competitive activities. But it worked for me.
Re: Ask HN: How to form deep friendships later in life?
#79My advice might sound unusual, but ... consider moving to another (smaller) city. I moved to Canada a few years ago and lived in Montreal and Toronto since then. Toronto is ridiculously hard for socializing. Ridiculously. People (especially below 40) are distant, reserved, sometimes passively aggressive (esp. girls) and even rude. At the same time my experience with Montreal was totally opposite and I made a few good connections in Montreal. I haven't lived in Ottawa but my impression from travels across Canada is that people are much nicer everywhere outside of Toronto.
Re: Ask HN: How to form deep friendships later in life?
#80Most of the comments here are about how to make friendships, not how to make "deep friendships". I have found the best way to work on a mission together. Go out to town looking for a nice girl(or guy) to date. Work on some project together. Go on a traveling adventure.
Where exactly do you find people to do such stuff? Everyone is busy with their own work and lives